It’s time to update some of those nursery rhymes we grew up with, doncha think?
I’ll go first:
Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was black as coal
It fed on Brussels sprouts and ham
And robbed, but never stole.
The neighbors used to laugh and point
To see a lamb eat ham
Till Mary puffed another joint
And told them all to scram.
Nope, I didn’t. Looks like a fun read, though.
Can you top what they did?
Mary had a little lamb.
Its fleece was white as snow.
And everywhere that Mary went,
She stepped in lamb shit.
The wolf pounced on Little Red Riding Hood and said, “Little girl, I’m going to eat you.” And Red replied, “Eat, eat, eat. Doesn’t anybody just screw any more?”
Hickory, dickory, dock.
Three mice ran up the clock.
The clock struck one.
The others escaped with cuts and bruises.
And back to Mary. This one is off-color, so if you are easily offended, exit the SDMB immediately 
Mary had a little lamb.
Its fleece was white as snow.
And everywhere that Mary went,
The lamb was sure to go.
It followed her to the woods one day.
For eggs, she was to hunt.
It stuck its nose beneath her clothes
To get a whiff of cunt.
Now Mary was a naughty girl
And didn’t give a damn.
She gave the beast a second sniff
And killed the little lamb.
Hey, I didn’t make it up! Isn’t it wonderful, the things that stick in our minds from our 5th grade days?
From a 1908 song—
Mary had a little lamb,
She took it on the ‘el.’
And when they got up to the Bronx,
That lamb was black as —
And from a 1920s song—
Mary had a little lamb,
The butcher killed it dead.
She takes the lamb to school with her
Between two hunks of bread.