I’m calling on all creative and screwed-up Dopers to help me out with a little game. It’s basically a game where you take any old nursery rhyme and make it…a little creepier, or just wrong somehow.
Here’s an example of what I’m talking about:
Little Miss Muffett sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
And it was a brown recluse
And now Miss Muffett’s missing an arm.
Obviously you’re not limited to keeping the rhyme scheme and meter. 
So twist away!
Just look up Andrew Dice Clay’s entire act.
There was a song my mother somewhat regretted teaching us as kids - an old camp song I believe:
Mary had a little lamb
its fleece was white as snow,
and everywhere that Mary went
She threw it out the window, the window, the second story window,
Everywhere that Mary went she threw it out the window.
It works with a surprising number of nursery rhymes.
Old King Cole was a merry old soul,
and a merry old soul was he,
He called for his pipe and he called for his bowl
and he threw 'em out the window, the window…etc.
Little Miss Muffet… you get the idea.
Yep, it’s called The Second Story Window and you split the group up into two groups and sing it back and forth at each other trying to not duplicate any nursery rhymes. It ends when a group can’t think of a new rhyme or the leaders get sick of the song. Whichever happens first. I learned the last line as ‘If you don’t know what it’s about, we’ll throw you out the window’
A couple of twisted ones I’ve heard go:
Twinkle twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
I wish I may I wish I might…
Aww shucks. It’s a satellite!
and
Hickory Dickory Doc
Three mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one
And the other two escaped with minor injuries.
Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream.
(underwater)
Ha, ha, I fooled you,
I’m a submarine!
Sing a song of piss pants
Eye sockets full of lye
Four and twenty asstards
All of whom will die
Baby skulls are broken
Your ass is in a sling
Deagle and a Bowie Knife will get me lotsa bling
Little Miss Muffett sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
And sat down beside her,
And said, “I haven’t had decent curds and whey since Lutece closed!”
Mary had a little lamb,
The butcher killed it dead.
She brings the lamb to school with her
Between two hunks of bread.
What we sang at camp -
Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb
Mary had a little lamb,
Her mother was surprised!
Mary had a little lamb,
She took it on the El.
And by the time they reached the Bronx,
The lamb was black as—
Mary had a little lamb,
a little beef, a little ham.
Then she had some salad and peas,
some mashed potatoes sprinkled with cheese.
She drank some milk and lemonade,
then ate some bread and marmalade.
Mary had some pies and cake
And now Mary has a stomach-ache
Mary had a little sheep
And with that sheep she went to sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram
Now Mary has a little lamb
Not that it matters much but the second line of the “window” song referenced above as song by me in my youth was “think of a rhyme and sing it in time and Throw it out the window”
It was also only one of three different nursery rhyme songs I sung one summer at day camp.
Mary had a little bear
to which she was so kind
that everywhere that Mary went
you saw her bear behind
Mary had a little lamb She thought him very silly
She threw him up into the air And caught him by the
Willy was a sheepdog Lying on the grass
Down came a bumblebee And stung him on the
Ask no questions Tell no lies
I saw a policeman doing up his
Flies are annoying, wasps are worse
That is the end of my silly little verse
Rose’s are red
Violet’s are blue
Susan’s are orange
What colour are yours?
Peter Peter pumpkin eater,
Had a wife and couldn’t keep her.
He blacked her eye and made her wail,
Now we keep the schmuck in jail.
Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her little girl a dress.
When she got there
The cupboard was bare
And so was the girl, I guess.
But Old MacDonald had a farm
HIS mother nearly died!
I learned one along the same lines:
Miss Lucy had a steamboat
The steamboat had a bell
Miss Lucy went to heaven
The steamboat went to
Hello operator
Please give me number nine
If you disconnect me
I’ll chop off your
Behind the 'frigerator
There was a piece of glass
Miss Lucy sat upon it
And broke her little
Ask me no more questions
Please tell me no more lies
The boys are in the bathroom
Zipping up their
Flies are in the meadow
The bees are in the park
Miss Lucy and her boyfriend
Are kissing in the dark
Old King Cole
Was a merry old soul,
And a merry old soul was he!
He called for his pipe
And he called for his bowl
And got high as a bird in a tree!
Hickory dickory doc
A cow ran up the clock
The clock collapsed
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jill came down with a tousled gown
And Jack with peals of laughter!
Hark, hark, the dogs do bark,
The beggars are coming to town!
The smell of one would make you yark
But for pennies he’ll go down!
Ride a horse-cock
In Branbury Cross
Until the fine lady
Is gasping in shock
Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater,
Had wife but couldn’t keep her
He took a whore to a cheap motel
And that beliked him very well!
See-saw, Marjorie Daw,
Dobbin shall have a new master
Who’ll chain him and punish the least little flaw
By flogging him faster and faster!
There was a jolly pusher
Worked by the Tappan Zee
His wares were always quite the bomb,
The kids would all agree!
And this the burden of his song
Forever used to be:
"Come one, come all, and kick the gong!
“The first hit’s always free!”