Little boy blue come blow your horn, the sheep’s in the meadow, the cow’s in the corn. Where is the boy who looks after the sheep? Why he’s under the haystack, with Little Bo Peep!!
Mary, Mary, quite contrary
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockle shells,
and one big fuckin’ onion.
Told to me eons ago by a very innocent-looking young woman. She and I became good friends. 
Nursery rhymes with a twist.
No, it doesn’t.
“Nursery Crymes” 
(by Genesis)
Choosy Doctor Gander
Whither do you wander?
Out into my waiting room
To give the folks a gander.
If I see and old man here on Medicare,
I’ll grab him by his bad arm
And kick him off his chair.
An old Mad Magazine piece from when Medicare was new.
Now Medicare for all is the popular thing among most.
Bra…vo?
Well, arguably ignorance could’ve been fought. But it made me laugh because I heard it in a John Cleese voice. Bravo!
Mary had a little lamb
and boy was the doctor surprised.
[George Carlin]Old King Cole was a merry old soul,
And a merry old soul was he.
He called for his pipe,
And he called for his bowl…
And I guess we all know about Old King Cole![/George Carlin]
Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear
I always saw the little lamb
But I never saw her bare
(works better when spoken obviously)
Mary had a little lamb,
A little toast, a little jam
A little noodles, a little berries
A little cheesecake, a little cherries.
A little soda with lots of fuzz
And oh, how sick our Mary was.
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet,
Eating her whey and curds;
There came a big spider, who sat down beside her,
And said, “That damned slop’s for the birds”.
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet,
Eating her whey and curds;
There came a big spider, who sat down beside her,
And she ate him too.
Er – that doesn’t rhyme… (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet,
Eating her whey and curds;
There came a big spider, who sat down beside her,
And she ate him too.Oy vey
Lewis Carroll was there first:
…and all the other parodies, of rhymes nobody today would remember if Carroll hadn’t made fun of them.
Hickory dickory dock
Three mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one
The rest escaped with minor injuries
Jack and Jill went up the hill
to fetch two fifths of liquor
Jack drank rum till he was numb
And Jill was even sicker
Not original to me, but:
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her poor daughter a dress
But when she got there, the cupboard was bare
And so was her daughter, I guess.
Baa baa black sheep, have you any weed?
Yes sir! Yes sir! I have all you need!
A bag for the master
A joint for the dame
And brownies for the boy who lives down the lane.
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
She had so many children she didn’t know what to do
“Move out of the shoe!” Child Services said
Now they live in a condo in Tampa instead.