Please keep in mind you also have to speak up (in a non-angry, non-judgmental way of course) about things that add to your stress.
For example, I used to hang my lunch bag on the hall closet door knob (it made sense, trust me). My SO found crap hanging on a knob aggravating, but didn’t say anything about it until he’d had a particularly bad day and snapped at me about it. When the dust settled, we moved the bag, and made some other minor changes. Yelling at someone for something you’re never complained about before is not fair, IMHO. I’d have happily moved the bag without the argument if he’d asked.
I hate doing dishes and he hates doing laundry so we made a deal that I never have to wash another dish if he never has to fold another shirt. This worked out well for me because I am very picky about laundry. I must use All Free and Clear detergent, I must use fabric softener, about 30% of my clothes cannot go in the dryer, etc. Because of this I do all the laundry in our house and I never, ever, ever complain that he doesn’t do the laundry at all. I like that he thinks the clean clothes fairy comes to our place once a week because it means he isn’t accidentally shrinking my work clothes or bleaching my jeans. I don’t bitch if there is a fingerprint on a plate or if the cups get moved around every day because I don’t ever have to wash another dish again.
I don’t complain about the kind of toilet paper he buys and he makes an effort to remember to close the cabinet doors behind him when he walks away so I don’t lose an eye walking through the kitchen. Living together is a give and take situation to be sure, but every night I get to curl up in bed and snuggle against him before I go to sleep and that makes all the dirty socks in the living room seem really inconsequential to me.
I do all the laundry in the house, too. Sometimes he complains about the way I do it. I tell him he’s free to do it himself any time, and that always shuts him up.
The biggest argument we have is, I’ll be watching some movie he has said he doesn’t want to watch, then he’ll wander in in the middle of it and go, “Who’s that? Why did she just kill him? Who is she sleeping with? What’s going on?”
Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Sometimes, when my SO wanders into the room when I’m watching TV I’ll pause it, so he doesn’t get sucked in. As a bonus, he feels he’s actually got my attention.
This is incredibly important. When my husband and I first moved in together, I found out, much to my consternation, that he didn’t require as much personal space and alone time as I did. I was quiet about it for weeks then, one morning, as I was shooing him out the door before I had to go to work so I could have some much-coveted alone time, he made the mistake of gasp wanting to come back in and hang out for a few minutes!
Keep in mind that my mother is the original Southern Belle. In fact, I was raised by a gaggle of southern belles, with nary a man in sight except an uncle who had apparently been trained in the art of giving the lady some space. Proper ladies do NOT voice discomfort of any kind. So, after a few minutes of literally hopping around in frustration while my husband laughed at me (not one of my prouder moments), I broke all convention and actually told him what was wrong. It was kind of hard for him to understand because he was still laughing at me. I’d never actually had to tell someone what was wrong, dammit.
Anyway, he left, still chuckling and looking mystified and we had it all out that night after I’d had a chance to calm down. The whole scene was completely unnecessary and, now that I think back on it, hilarious. I will never live that one down.
Fortunately I’ve learned to let him know something’s wrong before I wind up hopping mad again. God, that was embarrassing. I don’t think ladies are supposed to hop up and down, either, but I made an exception that one time.
The killin’ offense is actually using up the last of the ice cubes and then* putting the tray back in the freezer empty*.
GAH. :mad:
The spouse and I get along pretty well on most things, but there were a few we had to make adjustments about:
- Towel folding. I fold them in halves, he folds them in thirds. We ended up going with his way because he folds more towels than I do.
- General clutter level. He likes a lot less than I do (well, that’s not entirely true–he can tolerate a lot less than I can). Usually it goes my way, but sometimes he’ll just have a blowup and then I end up having to clean it up (since most of it’s mine).
- Clutter level in the car. Mostly this one went his way, though we’ve each migrated toward one car, so he keeps “his” neat and I keep “mine” cluttered.
- Whether or not it’s permitted to run the dryer when nobody is home. I adamantly refused to back down on this one. Dryers do not run when nobody is home. It took awhile to convince him, but I made him promise.
- Sleeping with the TV on. He can do this, I can’t. I can fall asleep with it on, but if it stays on, it will invariably wake me up about 3 a.m. as I blearily try to make sense out of whatever bizarre thing is on at 3 a.m. Compromise: Sleep timer. We turn it on with the timer set to 60 minutes. We’re both almost always asleep by then, so it works great.
- Humidifiers, fans, and other “white noise generators” on while sleeping: He can sleep with them on, I can’t. I won’t let him run a fan in the bedroom (we have central air conditioning, but on hot days it can still get pretty warm upstairs)–if he gets too hot he’ll go downstairs and sleep on the couch (he doesn’t mind doing this).
Other than that, we’re pretty compatible. Neither of us is particular about which way the TP hangs or even the type, for example, as long as it’s not too blankety (since that will clog up our pipes).
Empty into the bin, then refill the tray. Otherwise, you use up all the ice in the tray, or all but one - then you’re stuck without sufficient ice when you need it. What, were you raised by wolves? 
If you’re the only ice-user (as I am), then it’s different, as you are the only one facing those consequences.
Toilet seat: up or down (assumes the absence of any potential toilet-drinking pets or small children in which the answer is very clearcut). And if seat down: lid up or down?
Brand of soap. Normally one could simply have two bars in the shower, one of each preferred… but I found that the smell of Ivory in the bathroom literally made me nauseous, so Typo Knig had to switch.
TV on/not on at bedtime (assuming you have a TV in the bedroom).
The two people on the planet that actually prefer “Fockin’ 'ell!” managed to find each other.
That’s heart-warming. 
Most of our issues are around dishes:
Cups & glasses - rim up or rim down?
Utensils in the drainboard business end up or down?
Most of the brand issues are avoided because we simply buy two of most things. Soap, toothpaste, mouthwash, shaving cream, everything. Right down to milk & yogurt - there’s room on the shelf for both 1% and 5%. 
Similar to the tolerance for clutter, I’m going to mention how well you synch up on “takin’ care of shit”.
By this I mean - you carry a plate of food to your spot on the couch in front of the TV. You eat the food and then you:
A. Place the empty plate on the couch next to you.
B. Place the empty plate on the table next to you.
C. Place the empty plate on the floor next to you.
D. Take the empty plate back to the kitchen immediately.
E. Take the empty plate to the kitchen later.
F. Leave the empty plate where you placed it.
As you can imagine, there are a whole set of options if the plate does get to the kitchen.
See, I’m a “takin’ care of shit” type. I take my plate immediately to the kitchen, rinse it and place it in the dishwasher. The spouse is the type to leave the plate on the floor, never to touch it again. Mutliply this by 1000 = friction.
Also, nobody has mentioned money yet?
Are you a:
A. Debtor
B. Spender
C. Saver
D. Saver & Investor
What about your partner? It’s better if you are close to in synch on this. It can be quite painful if you are not.
How about your opinions about guests and visitors?
Do you mind if people ‘just drop in’ without calling? Do you want a lot of people coming over?
How about people staying with you? Do you mind people on the couch or in the office every weekend?
I agree that noise is a big one…I am a peace & quiet kind of gal, and my partner prefers music/other noise at all times.
There is also a thing I call “chore completion”, for lack of a better phrase. If I do the dishes, laundry, etc., I complete the task as quickly as possible and finish it–put the clean dishes/laundry away. My SO takes a more laid-back attitude–the clothes in the washer may sit for an hour or so before she decides to switch them to the dryer.
I can’t even imagine a reason this wouldn’t be permitted. Fire danger?
My partner and I tried living together for a few years, in a small 1-bedroom apartment in NYC. We found that we are domestically incompatible in every single detail of life, and this was putting the relationship in jeopardy. Now, we each own a house . . . next door to each other. We still spend a lot of time together, but whoever’s house we’re in get to call the shots.