A few months ago I made a conscious decision to change directions in my life. Basicaly just drop a hobby that I have been very passionate about for the past 20 years or so. I find that my whole identity has become associated with this particular hobby and I have made my share of contributions and had my share of accomplishments. I don’t see anywhere else to go with it.
Over the years I have always had hobbies that I had become passionate about and it seems that after a decade or so I would just gradually loose interest and find myself involved in something else. This time is different, I have a higher level of passion for this now than I had 20 years ago but the evidence is overwhelming that I have become more like a prisoner to it not unlike an addict is with his dope. I spend too much money, too much time and most importantly it prevents me from really accomplishing anything else that requires any kind of dedication.
I had no idea when I made this decision to move on that it would be such an emotional trauma in the making. I start out each day like an old man getting ready to die and tieing up loose ends. Writing letters that never got wrote, sending things off that never got sent, deciding on what remnants I want to keep and how much exposure I want them to have post hobby etc.
I find myself reflectiing back on nearly every endeavor I had ever undertaken be it a job, hobby, relationships, etc. I have given myself till the end of summer to complete this transition and there is a part of me that finds it very satisfying to leave something on my own terms even if I am leaving with some sadness.
As the excitement at the prospect of starting a new life builds the need to expedite the transition seems to be growing stronger. More and more times each day I get this weird feeling that I should just say screw it, throw everything in a box I want to keep and trash everything else and move on.
Can anyone else relate to these feelings and how did you deal with it?
It really is a mid life crisis to some degree but more a matter of trying to reclaim who I really am as opposed to some identity that has been kind af attached to me even though it really doesn’t accurately reflect what my motives and goals have been over the years.
HoneyBadgerDC is retired–probably 65 or so, thus it really doesn’t sound like Midlife. Likewise I am with Mr. Nylock as to not understanding what you are talking about.
The general advice is to do what you are passionate about and minimize the amount of time you do on the other stuff–and it sounds like you want to go in the opposite direction.
Exactly what did your hobby entail, if you don’t mind me asking - I am genuinely very curious. I think I sort of know what you are talking about, but I’m not sure.
My hobby is making all wood bows and arrows, the aspect I am most involved with is flight shooting, this is basicaly a contest where we attempt to break world records by shooting a bow in a particular class further than anyoone else. I hold a couple od world records and bows I have built hold a few more. The problem is I spend almost all my disposable income on wood and spend most of my time whittling on it. I have quite a few other goals I want to accomplish but just can''t seem to pull myself away from the wood long enough to accomplish anything else.
Heh - you’re right, I can’t completely relate to what you’re saying, I’ve never been that good at anything, even if I put a lot of time into it. It seems like what you do accomplishes a great deal. I would imagine the bows you are making have a tremendous reputation and they will live on after you. I really don’t see why you would want to stop on the one hand; but maybe you spend your time whittling to avoid other things, so it’s more of an escape and not something good - like drugs or anything addictive.
HoneyBadgerDC, if I am reading your post correctly, you want to completely end your involvement in your hobby to free yourself to do other things. Is it necessary to end your involvement completely? Is much or all of your social life connected to your hobby? I’m wondering if you could continue to be involved but more peripherally? And do you feel that those other things that you want to do will be as satisfying as your current hobby?
I’m really just thinking out loud here. I believe I understand some of what you are experiencing: I feel somewhat the same way about my dressage riding. I love my horse, I love riding, I love my horse friends, but I spend all my disposable income (and then some) on it and it has taken over my life to the point that I work, sleep, or ride. (Okay, it’s maybe not that drastic, but you get the idea.) I do not have genuine relationships outside of work or the barn.
For me, the problem is one of money. Quite honestly, if I could comfortably afford my riding and training, none of this would really bother me. But clearly, the amount of time and money you are devoting is bothering you. But do you have to sever your ties completely? At this point, for me, riding is an all-or-nothing activity. If I stop actively training but go to horse shows with my friends, I quickly become very depressed because I’m not competing and growing with my horse like they are with theirs. If I stop riding and don’t go to shows, I utterly miserable. The idea of selling my horse is beyond considering. I don’t know if it would be possible, or even advisable, for you to continue to attend competitions, without competing and bringing new bows and arrows. What are your thoughts?
I’m sorry – I"m rambling and don’t think I’m being of much help to you. I can offer this, however. Much of what you are experiencing sounds like grief to me. Your hobby has been meaningful and satisfying to you for many, many years. Even having made the decision yourself to relinquish it – as opposed to having someone make the decision for you – doesn’t lessen the ultimate loss. And with these kinds of transitions, there are always mixed emotions: excitement and sorrow, confusion and occasional clarity. Give yourself time. I’m not sure that your idea of putting everything in a box and putting it away for awhile is a bad one. Perhaps in a few months or a year, when you are happily involved in something new, it will be easier to part those things. Just a thought.
You were not rambing at all, you know exactly where I am comming from. I probably could maintain some of the online communication that I presently have going but even there I find myself to be a bit of a loner in the aspects that actually interest me. Most of the communication I have with bow builders is a compromise of sorts because it is the closest I can get to talking about the aspects that really interest me. I find myself nurturing relationships half heartedly for the occassional right to break out one of my theories that does little but glaze eyes over. In my case it really is an excersize in futility a large part of the time. I do get some satisfaction primarily for Europe and Asia as they seem to be more in line with my way of looking at things.
there are many time or money intensive hobbies. often there is a skill investment too. often fraternity with others heavily invested.
you could find a new hobby and when you found a passion for it you might end in the same place.
you could try a bunch of hobbies simultaneously. none that are really exciting or that you are really good at. some gardening, musical instrument, some craft. each enough fun to do for a little bit, none enough fun to do all the time, none that you have obtainable skill to get real good at.
Instead of “doing”, why don’t you “teach” to younger generations. Become a mentor. I’m sure that you could pass along a lot of valuable knowledge to younger people just getting into your hobby.
I’m 40. A few years ago I bailed on a hobby that I’ve had since childhood. I felt like I was still doing it because I have always done it. One day I just checked out. At first there was an element of, “Well, shit. Now what?” but that went away. I can’t say how long it took. Instead of the hobby, I filled up my time with other things. Living without it turned out to not be that big of a deal.
I went back to it after a while, but it’s a much more laid back approach. Sometimes I spend time on it, sometimes I don’t. I don’t think much about it anymore, but if I’m bored and looking for an activity it’s there.
I started doing that this year and to some degree I enjoy it. My particular interest in the hobby covers a very small niche that only a handful of people seem to really get into. My big obsession is identifying the losses of energy and developing methods for monitoring the condition of the bow and the wood throughout the building process. The actual building of the bow is somewhat secondary to me.
My current passion that has been fighting for its fair share of my time involves studying the dynamics of creativity and the impact it has on ones social and personnal life, self esteem, and sense of self worth. The focus of the study is solving the problem of finding ways to expose individuals to a wide variety of potential mediums in which they could find ways to express themselves.
First of all, I value your posts. I think you see the bigger picture while focusing on the subject at hand.
Could you start writing down your thoughts and feelings? You said it’s difficult to find the level of interest you crave. As they say, if you can’t find the book you want to read you must write it. Your musings, however rambling and scattered now as you take this next step in your life, can eventually coalesce into an instructional manual of sorts, with detailed, expert tips on bow-making while addressing the larger field of satisfaction available through all creative expression. Have you ever read The Zen of Motorcycle Maintenance? I don’t remember that much about it but something along those lines seems to be in you.