Mr Quatro's "Things God Told Me" thread

For those of you that don’t know, our board is graced with the presence of a prophet of God, who is periodically foretold the future so that he may share it with the world. He is very insistent that he be given a platform for this, and that there will be forum members who agree that he is a messenger from God providing profound and obviously correct and Heaven-sent revelations to the world, but he seems very reluctant to start the new thread himself, so I’ll start it for him.

Mr Quatro, I invite you to share your critically-important messages personally given to you by the Creator of the Universe here.

Everyone else, I invite you to indicate the degree to which you are impressed with those messages.

When he was a kid his dad would say, “Emo, do you believe in the Lord?”
Emo would say, “Yes, father!”
“Then, Emo, stand up and shout Hallelujah!”
So Emo would and he’d fall off of the big roller coaster

Or he could just as easily open a thread in Great Debates, which specifically states that it is for that purpose.

But he’d rather whine about being a martyr. :rolleyes:

Wow, reminds me of another long time poster around here. Wish I could remember his name… Starts with a K I think. (Not Kayaker)

I can super-understand why a prophet -as in a person who can actually prophecy future events, as opposed to a proselytizer who has no new information- would be reluctant to post their predictions here.

Because no such person exists.

Wait, scratch that, sorry. I mean because people 'round these parts tend to be pretty critical of people who try to blow smoke up their asses - and of people who really sound like they’re trying to blow such smoke. Especially people who claim to be getting their information from some god.

Because no such person exists.

Since he doesn’t want to join this thread, how about visiting a few of his greatest hits?

Teh gayz are bad.
More prophesying.
What’s next, recreational sex?
There are no Christians on the Supreme Court.

Well, to be fair to him, one of the Beatitudes is about being blessed when he (Mr Quattro) gets cursed for His (Jesus’s) name’s sake.

I don’t remember any blessings being bestowed upon those who just metaphorically stand on street corners shouting at everyone. Could be wrong, though. Haven’t memorized them, or read them in forty years.

I think that he would have an uphill battle being taken seriously even on an explicitly Christian site. Except maybe WingNutDaily–they swallowed the “Four Blood Moons” thing hook, line and sinker.

I’m having a vision! Gawd has come to me and told me, this guy is gonna do more of that :smiley:

Holy shit that’s funny.

Other primates do it for fun, our entire human evolutionary lineage no doubt did it.

Yes, people have sex just for fun. How horrifying and ungodlike. :smiley:

I’d be interested to know what God sounds like. I think most people would presume that He speaks in an English accent, but what if He spoke, say, in a French accent? Or does He adjust his accent to make it identical to that of the person He’s speaking to?

I’m thinking half-way between James Earl Jones and David Attenborough.

But (coincidentally enough) he looks more like Christopher Walken.

For me, it’s the other way round - he looks like a cross between James Earl Jones and David Attenborough, but talks like Christopher Walken.

Everyone knows God sounds like Morgan Freeman.

Who looks halfway between James Earl Jones and Christopher Walken!

Everyone knows he looks like this.

God help us.


I had a look at some of his oeuvre. I’m afraid that much of it raises more questions than it answers …

I’m not clear on the difference between “sinfully wrong” and “sinfully right”. I bet there are a lot of horny dudes and dudettes who believe that their particular carnal practices are “sinfully right”. Do you burn in hell for that, too? Actually there’s a grocery store here that advertises chocolate chip cookies as “sinfully rich”, which I think is sorta the same thing as “sinfully right”. It would a shame if they sent you to hell for that.

And I totally don’t get it about holes in your Bible. What would those holes be for? Given the rest of your screed, it sounds vaguely obscene.

Wait… repenting under duress, just to get on God’s good side for personal gain, actually works?

I dunno about that. I was picking up stuff for dinner yesterday and the flesh of my desire that caught my eye was a nicely marbled five-pound prime rib roast, which I desired quite a lot so I got it, and it turned out great.

Auctions, eh? I thought they did all that today, but with price lists. I’m all for a more open free market where prices are more responsive to demand.

It’s wise not to be an early adopter of these things, but I don’t know why you’d wait until the very last one had it. Let five or six countries sort it out, and once the auction systems are all running smoothly, move to any of them. I’m sure it will be fine.

They are holes through which the glory of God can shine.