MSK: Coming out of the closet? (It's not what you think.)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Well, Monster104, It’s nice to know that I am not alone in this form of action. Mom isn’t doing this to the point of being “abusive” but it’s still absurd. She does take us out to eat once in a while.

Nevertheless, I have to do something. Food stamps is going to be a major pain in the ass to sign up for and stuff, but it beats going hungry. I just don’t want to get stuck in the “welfare trap.” I am definitely going to look into it though.

As far negotiations with mom are concerned, she is pretty stubborn at times. I’ll manage somehow.

22

I have been talking to a lot of people online, discussing my disorder with them, but they often have the misconceived notion, that Avoidant Personality Disorder is like, or related to, agoraphobia. This is incorrect. I suppose in extremely severe AVPD cases, agoraphobia could follow, or accompany, but I have nothing of such severity, thank God!

I DO try to go out as regularly as I can. Most of what I do costs next to nothing, or nothing at all. (My main expense is keeping my car fueled and my auto insurance paid up.)

Here’s my weekly agenda options:

Sunday
[li]Adult Sunday School - 9:30 am to 10:30 am (church “A”)[/li][li]Sunday Morning Church Service - 10:30 am to 12:00 noon (church “A”)[/li][li]Sunday Evening Church Service - 6:00 pm to 7:15 pm (church “A”)[/li]
Monday
[li]Go watch a movie, after 6:00 pm, at the $1.00 theater[/li]
Tuesday
[li]Karaoke night at my local T.G.I.Friday’s Bar 9:00pm to whenever.[/li](I don’t ever sing and I rarely drink alcohol. I just like to watch & listen to everyone while I drink Coca-Cola. LOL)

Wednesday
[li]Adult Bible Study 7:00 pm to 8:15 pm (church “A”)[/li]
Thursday
[li]Midweek Church Service 7:00 pm to 8:15 pm (church “B”)[/li]
Friday
[li] I usually do nothing! However, if I could afford to, I would probably go clubbing.[/li]
Saturday
[li]Saturday Church Service 5:30 pm to 6:30 pm (church “B”)[/li]
As you can see, I am not afraid to get out of the house, or be around people. It’s the meeting new people that is extremely difficult for me. I rarely initiate conversation. If someone else initiates a conversation, I often get quite nervous and shy. I may not say much, may have trouble maintaining conversation, & often feel like I end up putting my foot in mouth.

FTR, the reason I go to church so much is that I attend two separate churches, of the same denomination. Why? “A” is the church I have gone to my whole life. The second one “B” is literally ten times larger than my “official” church and offers a great deal more activities socially and entertainment-wise. I enjoy both of them.

Besides, what other place offers an equally healthy, friendly, and safe social environment such as church? (especially, for someone with my type of condition)

I don’t care for the bar scene much. I am not much of a drinker either. I don’t mind going occasionally, though, just to hang out and have a change of environment. Once in a blue moon, I’ll toss down a few.

I am soon going to follow up this post, with a brief insight into my employment history for those who may be curious and care to offer more advice in that area. I appreciate all the advice given so far and sincerely thank everyone who has offered it.

23

Here is my employment history, as promised.

I am presenting it in ascending chronological order.
Mc Donald’s
[li]grill cook[/li][li]Oct. 1987 to Feb. 1988[/li][li]length of employment: 5 months[/li][li]what happened: I quit. There’s not much else to add here.[/li]

Target
[li]stocker[/li][li]Jul. 1988 to Feb. 1989[/li][li]length of employment: 8 months[/li][li]what happened: I walked off the job due to a significant personality conflict with a superior co-worker.[/li]

Burcliff Industries (wire harness factory)
[li]assembly worker[/li][li]Mar. 1994 to May 1994[/li][li]length of employment: 6 ½ weeks[/li][li]what happened: I was fired. I couldn’t keep up with the rapid assembly line pace. I also developed an allergic skin reaction to some materials used.[/li]

Richard’s Home Center (hardware and lumber store)
[li]receiving / stocking[/li][li]May 1994 to Jun. 1994[/li][li]length of employment: 5 weeks[/li][li]what happened: I left work, without notice or permission, for a personal situation outside of work, and was fired accordingly.[/li]

Elixir Industries (aluminum extrusion factory)
[li]packaging dept.[/li][li]Aug. 1994 to Nov. 1994[/li][li]length of employment: 4 ¼ months[/li][li]what happened: I was fired for being late and also having to leave work early (with permission).[/li]

Elixir Industries (aluminum extrusion factory)
[li]packaging dept.[/li][li]Jan. 1995 to Oct. 1995[/li][li]length of employment: 9 ½ months[/li][li]what happened: I was fired for missing too much work, due to personal situations outside of work.[/li]

Easco Aluminum (aluminum extrusion factory)
[li]material handler / floater[/li][li]Nov. 1995 to Dec. 1995[/li][li]length of employment: 4 ½ weeks[/li][li]what happened: I walked off the job due a serious personality conflict with a co-worker & I could not keep up with the rapid pace of the job.[/li]

Meijer (grocery and dept. store)
[li]cart gatherer - parking lot[/li][li]Feb 1996 to Mar. 1996[/li][li]length of employment: 6 to 8 weeks (approx.)[/li][li]what happened: I felt the job was a waste of my time and effort for what I was being paid and the hours I received. I also chose personal situations outside of work, over work, and stopped going. I quit by no call - no show - no notice.[/li]

Industrial Coil Service (eletrical motor coil factory)
[li]production worker[/li][li]May 1996 to July 1996[/li][li]length of employment: 11 ½ weeks[/li][li]what happened: I was fired for missing too much work, being late, and having to leave work early (for counseling therapy, yes they knew). It was actually a blessing of sorts, as my boss was verbally abusive.[/li]

Keck’s Klear Water Co. (bottled spring water)
[li]delivery driver trainee[/li][li]Jun. 2000[/li][li]length of employment: 2 weeks[/li][li]what happened: This is the ONLY job I was forced to leave from by no cause of my own accord. I was being trained to replace a worker who had been injured outside of the job. Only one day before I would have “officially” taken over the delivery route, the original worker returned with a signed physician’s release allowing him to return to work. Because of this, the boss had to take him back, “legally” speaking, and let me go.[/li]

Martin’s Supermarket
[li]overnight stock crew[/li][li]Jul. 2000 to Aug. 2000[/li][li]length of employment: 3 weeks[/li][li]what happened: I resigned by immediate written notice, but didn’t not give 2 weeks notice. I experienced overwhelming potentially-abusive personality conflicts with co-workers. The physical demand of the hours and work itself were extremely taxing.[/li]

You can see the pattern here and it isn’t pretty. The timetable in itself is damaging enough, regardless of any other knowledge potentially new employers are, or are not, aware of, concerning my past jobs.

As far as my education is concerned, I dropped out of high school during the second semester of my junior year. I then achieved my G.E.D. in 1991. I have never been to any college, university, trade school, or the like.

Obviously, I have suffered from AvPD since high school, and possibly earlier on. Unfortunately, I never received any diagnosis or treatment until I was 25 years of age.

Questions and comments are welcome.

24

My mother finally gave in and took herself and I grocery shopping today. I am set for at least a week or two.