I reminded my 16 year old son two or three times about Mother’s Day in the last ten days and, as of last night, he had done nothing about it. I wound up giving him something I had bought so he could give her a gift. I realize that’s “enabling” but the other option was her getting nothing from him. I did send him out to buy a card though.
Why? No idea. Laziness I guess and he blows through money on sodas and chips so he hears about it, decides that he has no money, getting money sounds like work, admitting he has none sets him up for “what about that $30 you earned last week?” so his master plan is to ignore it until it goes away.
There’s a lot of sad Mother’s Day threads on the internet right now. People upset because they hate their mothers and the day just reminds them of the estrangement. People sad because they are infertile and the day reminds them how they will never get to be anyone’s mother. People sad because their mothers didn’t like their very special Mother’s Day gifts. People grieving over dead mothers. People sad because they’ve been forgotten yet again.
It’s enough to make me wonder if there’s anyone who isn’t bummed out. It’s crazy how something that should be a happy occasion is so fraught with negative emotions.
tapu, I don’t have any advice for you, but I sympathize. Teenage boys aren’t always the most lovable creatures in the world, and it certainly sucks to not get a special acknowledgment. But your son may think he doesn’t have to show his love if you’re already close. A card is just a piece of paper to a typical teenager. It may feel like a silly display in the absence of peer pressure–which siblings are great at providing (I’m assuming he’s an only child. Correct me if I’m wrong.) I know this is a strange idea, but did you do anything for your wife for Mother’s Day? Maybe if he could see the two of you making a big deal over it, he would see why overt displays of love and appreciation are important.
I think mother’s day is a made up holiday. When I was a kid my remembering was my dad dragging my somewher and telling me to get my mom something. Once I went off to college I forgot about it completely until I met my wife and she at least gets me to call and say happy mothers day. By the way im the same way with fathers day.
My guess is that without a dad to “help” him remember he’s just not into enough to do it on his own. You two are probably both thinking he’s old enough now that you should both get to sit back and enjoy your day my guess is this thought coincided with him forgetting. It’s an interesting problem that would be unique to same sex couples.
Even straightforward conversations can feel like emotional manipulation at that age–truth and honesty are no defense against the crime of making him feel things he didn’t want to feel. If anything, it’s a low blow.
Honestly, I’d either just let it go, and/or next year tell him exactly what you want him to do, and why (“I need you to bake us a cake and get each of us a card. I need you to be the one who picks them out. This is because it will make us feel loved and appreciated”).
Then, if he doesn’t do that, accept he’s got a weird quirk, ignore it, and hope he comes around. If he’s otherwise affectionate, I think you’ve just got to live with this. If this is yet another thing that makes you feel unloved, it’s different.
That’s a good point. However, the bit about teasing him and embarrassing him last year stood out to me and could possibly contribute to his blowing it off this year.
It’s a family thing. People sometimes expect families and related topics (pun intended) to be filled with love and happiness, and don’t know what to do if it’s not.
Teenage boys are pretty useless. Filled with hormones, a developing brain, emotional upheaval, shyness, insecurity, it’s all a mess. Just forget about this, it’s not indicative of the future. He’ll grow, he’ll change, and I’ve seen over and over again that good mom’s produce good sons.
I wonder if tapu could approach it this way: “Why don’t this year, the two of us do something special for Mom. You know how she likes chocolate cake. She’d be tickled pink if you would make one for her. I’ll buy the card and you can help me write something clever.”
Then the next year, the other mom can do the prompting.
My 14 year old nephew didn’t remember either. I went out and bought a card for his mother, gave it to him, and told him to sign it. He proceeded to write his name on the envelope, then handed it to his mom and said, “here.” We (jokingly) started shouting “What are you doing, for god’s sake!?” until all of us were in hysterics.
He loves his mom, and shows it a lot of different ways. He’s just not good at having to express himself at designated times. I think he feels like it makes it sound forced and awkward. Maybe your son feels the same?
I know I am a bad person for wishing Mother’s Day and Father’s Day would lose some of their magical hold over people, but I don’t care. I mean, I understand that humans love “special” days, but it just seems like the calendar is full of so many land mines, obstacle courses, and things to get jealous and bitter about. I hate to say it, but I’m starting to think the Jehovas Witness’s know what they’re doing.
I hope that doesn’t come across as belittling, tapu. Your feelings aren’t wrong. They just are what they are, and your son should respect that.
The bigger concerns are your general attitude on this (mundane) holiday and the fact that you don’t understand why a boy raised by two women would have trouble dealing with “Mother’s Day” as a teenager.