It might have been the crowd I ran with. The pattern usually was (1) be in long term relationship during school (2) end said relationship at graduation and date older guy for few years (3) normal dating. I imagined that the “dating older guy” phase was part of the transition from a university sex life to a grown up one.
Too bad Diogenes the Cynic is banned. I am sure he would be here to call the boy friend a pedo or something.
from the (very little) info given by the OP, i would say screaming and crying into one’s pillow over this situation is being a tad melodramatic. this would be different if the guy was abusive or something but there’s nothing so far to suggest such a thing. also, the romeo and juliet references are a little weird. the OP’s daughter is 24. mom doesn’t get a say in who she dates.
“Romeo and Juliet” in these sorts of threads refers not to age, but to the annoying trait of human offspring (grown or not) of becoming *more *determined to date someone when they find out their parent disapproves.
yeah, i get that, but it comes with the implication that someone has some kind of say over the dating choices of the people involved, which simply isn’t the case here.
What is her relationship like with her father?
I believe you. After I broke up with a high school girlfriend, one of the next guys she dated was a 28 year old man who looked closer to 35. Her parents loved him apparently and they only broke up because he turned 30 and was ready to get married while she turned 20 and all she was ready to do was get drunk in her dorm on a Saturday night.
And in college, I dated a girl who initially said yes to going on a date with me because she thought I was in my late 20s (she was 18, but looked 21ish). That was an interesting conversation when we finally figured out each other’s real ages.
It’s not 24-56, but I totally buy the “older man” theory.
They both will. For him, it’s purely about hot sex with a young woman (sorry). For her, it’s being with a more mature person who appreciates her more than a 20-something ever will. At 40, I had a fling with a 24-year old. It was hot, it was fun, but in the end we just didn’t have all that much in common and went our separate ways.
I had a couple dates this fall with my neighbors’ eldest daughter - and the age difference is exactly the same (she’s 24, I’m 45).
The thing I notice about “Fran” (not her real name) is not that she’s some party-happy young bubblehead. Quite the opposite - she’s a grind (MA candidate), lovely and charming, but basically serious and callow. I feel like a worldly old rake thinking about Taking It Anywhere, and trust me, I am not a worldly old rake.
You forgot to mention $$$$$$$$.
Right, because it’s reasonable to assume that any given woman is a money-grubbing whore.
So it’s reasonable to assume this 24 year old woman is just so, so much more mature than any man her age and has to find a guy old enough to be her father to find an emotional equal, but assuming it’s a nice perk that the guy is 20 years ahead of her peers economically is unreasonable?
I think it’s reasonable to assume that worried mom isn’t coming back. 
I don’t know this particular 24 year old, but there are a whole range of reasons why someone might find an older guy attractive, from “daddy” issues to having a thing for bald dudes.
But I wouldn’t assume an older guy automatically offers better “financial perks.” Most older guys I know are spending their money on boring things like suburban houses and retirement savings. It’s the young professionals who are up for showing a girl a good time at trendy restaurants, swanky condos and action-packed vacations. Now and then there may be a woman who is ready to “settle down” and is attracted to the idea of a guy with a roomy house and stable finances.
But I know a lot of single ladies in their mid to late 20s, and not once have I heard raw finances be a primary factors in who they date. They may be hesitant to get serious with someone who is deeply in debt or looks to be a financial drain who will influence their financial life in a negative direction, and they certainly do look for partners who are similarly educated and have interesting, intellectually-challenging careers that make them interesting, intellectually challenging people. But I don’t know a single woman who would date someone simply because they have more money than the next guy.
I can’t think of anyone I knew who did this. To the best of my recollection, most of my college friends who had a boyfriend at the time they graduated (I was class of 2003) went on to marry that same guy. There were also two who got engaged to the guys they were dating at the time they graduated, but broke things off before the wedding.
Of 20-something women I’ve known, I can only think of one who was involved with a guy more than about 3-5 years older. This was a girl I knew in college (more a friend-of-a-friend than a real friend of mine) who was dating a guy who claimed to be 29 but looked at least a decade older than that. This definitely wasn’t considered a normal age gap, though. While I don’t think anyone ever said anything to their faces, there were a lot of jokes about what a creepy old loser this guy was. FWIW this guy probably would have been considered a creepy old loser regardless of who he was dating; I’m not sure how different the reaction might have been if he’d seemed cool or sophisticated.
Have you been 24 since the financial meltdown? Believe me, it isn’t easy to be just starting out right now, and the difference between older guys who have a bit of a cushion and young guys starting out is probably exaggerated more than ever…college grads nowadays are lucky if they don’t work at Starbucks, not to speak of the trades which are suffering for those that didn’t go the college route.
Anyways I would put “Daddy” issues as my #1 suspicion for why a 24 year old would date 40+. But I’ve never bought into the meme that women are so much more emotionally mature than their male peers, and especially the girls in high school who dated college guys tended to be even dumber than the average. As I said I don’t know any girls currently who are my age dating 40+. My mom is 44 with a 70+ year old husband, and my younger half sister is 11. Yeah that’s real smart. :rolleyes:
Not really. I’m 34 and still think of (most) guys over 40 as too old. I definitely wouldn’t date a guy older than my mom like the OP’s daughter is doing.
You want to kill that relationship deader than a doornail?
Point out how closely he resembles her father. Yeah, I know young women are secretly looking for daddy and all that, but if you tell her she’s actually latched onto him, she’ll drop him like a hot rock.
Relax. It’s not a serious relationship.
She’s just toying with him to make the 65-year-old she really wants jealous.
There are not words to explain your awesomeness! This was just brilliant. Keep up the good work!