That being said, if it was my wedding, (which it isn’t) I would go dry. I drink myself, have never had a problem.
But booze is expensive. A cash bar sounds slightly tacky IMHO. And I’ve heard and read too many stories about problems with guests who can’t handle their liquor. Check out www.etiquettehell.com
All this being said, just do what the two of you feel like. It’s your day after all, so don’t worry about what others think is correct. Too bad you aren’t in Kansas, I could make the cake! You are having a cake aren’t you? BTW, don’t do the “cake in the face” thing, if you do have one. That’s icky. Just do the ritual like it’s supposed to be.
Oh wow, I almost missed astro’s post. What a fabulous idea. My boss is a caterer, and I just spent most of today helping him work up a wedding reception. I’m going to suggest the idea to him and see what he says.
Most of my friends have been charged by the bottle for wine consumed at the tables if you want to offer that. If not, no biggie. I enjoy a glass or two of wine at social occassions, but it’s certainly not a neccessity and not something I get all bent out of shape about not having provided for me!
And congratulations on your upcoming wedding! Do take a couple minutes throughout the day to enjoy it!
astro, that’s a fantastic idea. Both Jer and I are really revved about that one: a truly fabulous coffee/juice bar! It can’t possibly cost as much as booze.
Interesting how simple it is: the guests are there to see us get married, not get loaded. I never thought of it that way (I’ve yet to go to a wedding in sobriety). And indeed, most of our guests will be recovering alcoholics. I wouldn’t be worried about anyone slipping, but still, I don’t think any one of them wants to be in a room with drunk people.
It’s our wedding. We’re in recovery. Therefore, no alcohol.
Actually, your recovering friends would probably laugh their asses off at the drunk people; and I will say there’s nothing like spoiling a good drunk to have a room full of deliberately sober, happy people laughing at you.
Have a fabulous wedding – and yes, social events aren’t ALWAYS all about drinking! (Although checking with a recovering alcoholic who shares this house, he looked at me blankly and said, “It’s NOT?”)
astro has it down pat! A long bar full of bowls of fresh fruit, loads of juices and soft drinks, an ice-crusher, cordials, sparkly coctail stirrers etc and a couple or ten mixers.
When me and the mrs got married we had somewhat the same questions. Neither of us drink alcohol, and while we have no problem with people doing so, we weren’t comfortable with the idea of people actually being drunk at our party. Being a paddy however there was no way I wasn’t going to have an open bar, so we comprimised and did so that we had a “private” limit on it (once the limit was reached the bar would go over to cash, however we didn’t actually reach it as our friends know what we are like and drank very moderately). The bar worked by having wine and soft drinks served during the meal, but they had to ask the waiters for refills, and when the meal was over, everyone had 3 drink tickets for the bar and could get more from the toastmaster. Was a good mix of liberal/restricted and seemed to work without the slightest bump.
Ok, one slight one, the bartender didn’t know how to make the best-mans coctail and best-man talked himself in behind the bar and started making murderously strong drinks for everyone. A private word to the staff explaining that the guests were on no account to be allowed to serve their own drinks sorted it out without any fuss, and I think they actually didn’t charge us for the drinks best-man had mixed.
Another thing is that the party shut down quite early (about 1am or so) when we left for the night (I could have stayed till dawn, but it was my wedding night) and the guests headed into town and partied on until the wee hours in the manner they preferred. People still tell me (5 years later) how much fun they had at our wedding
Scott Evil, congratulations to both of you! I certainly wish you a lifetime of happiness, and a level of fabulosity never before achieved :)! I say, skip the booze. The coffee/juice bar is not only a really great idea, but it sounds like it could be easily tailored to your budget! If someone needs a drink so badly that they can’t make it through a 4 or 5 hour party without drinking, they may indeed have a problem!
I think a coffee/juice bar sounds fabulous! Who knows, you just may start a whole new trend! I love coffee, so I will drink a cafe mocha with extra whipped cream in your honor!!
Holy tequila, this thread has turned into a drinker-bashing fest. I never knew there were so many people out there who look at people who drink socially as drunken losers and assholes. Why don’t you try untightening your sphincters a little?
Having said all that, the coffee bar thing does sound good - go for it!
samarm, please, I don’t think that’s what it is at all. It’s just that the happy couple has(in the past) had a problem, as they say many of the prospective guests have.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with social drinking, but it takes just one guest who has over indulged to cause a scene. At a happy event it’s my guess that the couple doesn’t want to deal with that possibility, nor tempting their friends. In this thread, let’s all just be happy for the two getting married, and let them do things their way, okay?
Hi, drunken loser/asshole checking in. I must say that I definitely enjoy libations at a party (including receptions). However, I would not have any problem whatsoever with a cash bar. In fact, I would encourage it. I’ve been to many weddings where you get 2 or 3 tickets for free drinks at the outset, then pay a buck a drink for any thereafter. It would still be very cheap for guests to get snot-hanging drunk, if that’s what they want to do, yet discourage them from doing so simply because it’s free. I don’t get the “it’s tacky” argument.
Yeah you’re right Baker. I don’t want to bring bad mojo to this happy thread. I haven’t experienced alcohol problems so I guess I don’t really understand the situation fully. I think the dry wedding with a coffee / juice bar is a fantastic idea. Whatever you decide, Scott, I’m sure the wedding will rock.
astro has it down pat! A long bar full of bowls of fresh fruit, loads of juices and soft drinks, an ice-crusher, cordials, sparkly coctail stirrers etc and a couple or ten mixers.
Oh heck yeah! Bigass bowls of cut up watermelon, cantaloupe, honeydews, grapes, orange slices … yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
You know you’re gonna need lots of of those little umbrella thingies, right?
Re drunks at a wedding, I can’t fathom the notion of people actually getting drunk at a WEDDING. What’s next? Shooting up at a christening!?
Congrats on the upcoming wedding. a bright and shining future to you both.
I think that ASTRO’s idea is a great one. the jolt of caffine for those who like it, and all that great juice stuff for those who don’t.
as far as the drinking, as many have said, it is a day for both of you, so do what you want. I am sure the guests will completly understand as they are your friends and family. best of times, and keep us posted on how things go.
I may be doing this in a couple of years or so, depending on how things go down here south of the border in conservative upswing land, so will ask for some help on this all when the time comes.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a dry wedding. I’m a recovered alcoholic, and UncleBill, while not an alcoholic, stopped drinking shortly after we started dating, so we were in agreement that we didn’t care to serve alcohol at our wedding. We had an afternoon wedding in Key West, so we figured any guests who wanted to PARTAY! could have a Saturday night on Duval Street, and from all accounts, a splendid time was had by all.
The catamaran that we chartered for the reception did provide champagne as part of the charter, and that was fine with us, though we wouldn’t have bought any ourselves. We did buy several bottles of sparkling cider so the non-drinkers could participate in the toast, and that worked out just fine.
scott evil, fabulous congratulations to you and Jeremy. I wanna know all about it! Any links to threads about your plans so far?
Sounds like you’ve got the beverages deal sewn up with astro’s genius suggestion. Dang!
Moving forward, take it from a newlywed: There is probably no single choice you can make for your wedding and reception that hasn’t been thought, or even publicly declared, tacky by at least a few people. Honestly.
It sounds like you’re going the no-booze route which is okey-dokey.
For another data point, we had what is often called a “soft bar” at our wedding.
Essentially (as the link outlines), it’s standard domestic beer, standard inexpensive wines and soft drinks. The kind of scenario covers the bases for most folks, while not costing nearly as much (or emphasizing booze as much) as a full “open bar”.
Certainly the activities and behavior of the wedding party tends to set the mood as well. The booze was there…but it wasn’t a huge element of our reception.
(I will confess though…we had our reception at an Irish-American heritage center, which had a bar down the hallway…so the mrs and I did have a couple of Guinness at that bar later in the evening )
Scott, I recently attended the wedding of a couple of straight friends (I don’t hold that against them) and they had a completely dry reception.
Totally. No wine. No beer. No mixed drinks. No champaign.
The party was one of the best I’ve been too, honestly.
Part of the reason, I think, was that they still had bars and bartenders - making up the most amazing selection of non-alcoholic drinks I’ve seen in a while. There were more fizzy, frozen, pink, purple, blue, green and clear mocktails being dished out than I’d seen at a “high-test” party.
Another reason it was fun was that everyone knew ahead of time that it was a dry reception. It was fun because you didn’t have the groom’s father getting smashed and trying to make it with the brides mother … You didn’t have the best man making really stupid, slurred and inappropriate toasts.
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