My birthday and National Coming Out Day

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Today is the anniversary of my birth. Please feel free to wish me a happy birthday. It’s my thirtieth birthday, so it’s a bit of a monument. As of today, teenagers everywhere will consider me ancient while I look back at 19 as if it was yesterday.

Today is also National Coming Out Day. Now, I want it to be known that I am not homophobic in any way whatsoever. However, did they have to pick my birthday for National Coming Out Day? I must say that I resent their choice a little. It may seem selfish, but this is supposed to be my day (and Luke Perry and Eleanor Roosevelt’s day too, I guess) and I want it all for myself.

So could whoever’s in charge please relinquish October 11 back to me so people can properly focus their adulation?

Thanks in advance!

2

Wow—Luke Perry and Eleanor Roosevelt are gay?

3

See? Now this kind of confusion is just what I’m talking about.

4

Nah, just alternate incarnations of emulsified.

Although you know about Eleanor and her teacher friend…

5

I have the solution - become gay! I’m sure someone can put you in touch with a Gay Recruiter[sup]tm[/sup] who would be able to help you out. I understand that many fundamentalist preachers have had a great deal of experience with the Gay Recruitment Drive,[sup]tm[/sup] so I suggest you call around to some of them.

Good luck, and happy coming out!

Oh, and happy birthday, too!

6

Hmm… I’ll consider that solution. I’ll have to ask my wife first, though, I don’t do anything without her permission.

I don’t know if I could handle being gay, though… What are the hours like?

7

The hours are bad, the pay is lousy, but the uniforms are fabulous!