I had this bizarre dream I feel compeled to share… don’t ask me why :). I have never had it before and I haven’t had it sence, it happened at an UNUSUALLY stressfull point in my life.
It started out with a nekkid plump female figure on her hands and knees facing away from me, beaconing me sexually. It turned to face me and what should I see but a morphed combination of an ex-girlfriend and… dear God… [sub]my mother[/sub]. kind of a two in one person kind of deal. I remember thinking in the dream that “this is one fucked up thing to be dreaming”. I looked at its nekkid rump and genitals and noticed a piece of toilet paper stuck to its ass. Suddenly the vagina became a monsterous mouth with sharp teeth and reached up and consumed the toilet paper, chomping it in.
This is when I awoke feeling slightly sick and disturbed and yet obviously aroused.
Definatly the most screwed up dream I have ever had.
I think it’s your basic pac-man infatuation, with anal retentive tendancies.
When you were young, did you get aroused when playing video games?
Did your mother make you stop playing because of your arousal?
Did she make you clean up the joy stick when you were done playing?
The answers are out there you just have to know where to look.
In other words, your normal.
Obviously Whammo suffers from Vaginahorribletoothymouthaphobia, complicated by a rather acute case of ex-girlfriend=mother syndrome and an obsession with edible toilet paper, NOS, you quacks!
Whammo, be of good cheer! The cure is strenuous, but can be completed in a day, if you are dedicated. You will need:
$1000 US, no checks!
a copy of either Playboy or Penthouse
a tube of extra strength Ben Gay
some toilet paper
a little “private” time
a picture of your mother
a picture of your ex-girlfriend
a bottle of tequila (preferrably cheap tequila; not a bad idea to always have one around regardless…)
Directions:
take the $1000, place it into an envelope (addressed to Astroboy14), and mail it immediately. Do not skip this step, as it is vital to my plan to become filthy rich without having to actually work…
take the magazine, the Ben Gay, the tissues, and the pictures into the bedroom.
remove your pants and undergarments
lay on the bed
read the articles in the magazine until the pictures begin to catch your eye…
open the Ben Gay, and leave it in a place that you can access quickly
holding the magazine with your left hand (right hand if you are left-handed) look at the pictures
you should notice a reaction from the vicinity of your nether regions, do what comes naturally with the hand NOT holding the magazine
continue to do what comes naturally until you begin to experience a, shall we say, “Special” feeling
quickly throw the magazine down, grab the Ben Gay, and squeeze a generous portion on your wee-wee
with your dominant hand, massage the Ben Gay into your afore-mentioned appendage, paying special attention to the opening of the urethra
with your other hand grab the pictures of your mother and the ex-girlfriend
stare HARD at the pictures while you continue to massage the Ben Gay into your urethra
That’s it! I hope it helps some…
After 40 or 50 minutes, the burning, screaming, writhing, and vomiting should begin to ease… at which point you can use the toilet paper to clean up. With luck, this experience should forever sunder the idea of sexual fulfillment from the images of your mother and girlfriend. And you will never want to see toilet paper again (though this does have its down-side…)!
