It’s simplistic to say a relationship is about sex. but I’ll say it again. Without it it’s basically a really good friendship. So with that said I’m going to relate my experience. I found out the love of my life, the one that got away, was ignored by her husband for the greater part of 35 years.
Don’t be her.
Many years ago when I was in my twenties I went out with a girl who was always keen and eager for it. I soon lost interest because it was too easy. There was no challenge. It was just wham,bam,thank you ma’am. That’s why guys climb mountains,not hills.
Speak for yourself. I’d happily ride the monorail. Weeeeeee! What a view!!
I suspect he needs to sacrifice more to please you.
Have you always had to initiate sex?
If not, how long ago was the last time you can recall his initiating sex?
Yes, good advice … yell it out at the door. Why waste time lol
Or as a female character in Dilbert put it, “Men have it easier. You’re conditioned by years of rejection and denial”. For which reason most men, however kind and sympathetic their intentions, are always likely to have a slight hint of “Welcome to Planet Earth and enjoy your stay, sister” in their reaction. None of us, I suspect, ever think we would get away with a mindset like “I shouldn’t have to ask, even with a promise that I’ll always get what I ask for; I should be getting it handed to me on a plate!”.
kayaker: room for one more on that monorail? 
Huitzilopochtli, I feel for you. ‘Specially since I’m in a similar situation, except it’s my wife of 15 years that doesn’t dig me.
Or rather, she doesn’t even want to be around me. Even she can’t explain it.
It sucks to love someone and not be loved in return.
I still hope we can somehow fix things and be happy together, but she doesn’t think it’s possible.
Only getting occasional nice, polite sex when you ask for it? Yeah, I can see how that would be a bummer.
But right now I’d be happy just to get a “Welcome home Honey. How was your day?”
Yeah, Not Carlson, I can’t imagine how that feels. I have a great relationship, all things considered. We all have a need to feel loved and desired. I’m sorry to hear about the situation you are in.
I probably never should have posted the OP. Thank you all for the advice. It was admittedly posted after too much wine and in a moment of self pity. It’s still a problem that we are working on but I recognize that it is not a relationship ending problem. I’m not sure how to handle it, but I will post any solution we manage to come to.
FWIW, I have dated some very, very attractive women and I got bored with sex with all of them. Cheated on all of them. My wife is also frankly, smoking hot and we still have to make an effort. For many men, I think, it’s the chase. I know it was for me. Now that I am married it’s different but in many ways the sex is better (though it took a while to be overtly sexual with the mother of my children!).
My advice is to say it’s a issue but not a deal breaker (unless it is). Put another way, throw it out there but don’t pressure him about it.