Why would someone with a crap pizza delivery job not be equally, or even MORE stressed out about losing it than a “serious bread-winner job”? SBWJ guy probably has some savings and connections and networks of support whereas Pizza boy is most likely living hand-to-mouth.
Well, that can work both ways. When you are at the bottom of the wage ladder, you are used to not having much money nor do people really expect you to. More importantly, if you can find ANY other low wage job, you’ll be good as before. Low wage jobs can typically be filled by anyone with a decent work ethic, a lack of a criminal record, and a decent amount of common sense (no offense meant to all you hard working wage slaves out there that IMO actually EARN the money you get paid).
OTOH, if you have a high paying job, you probably have rather specialized skill sets, experience, and education. Which means that if you lose that job, its going to be hard to find another specialized job that you have the qualifications for and will pay as well.
Yeah, short term (like for a period of months or less), the SBWJ is probably in a better position than the minimum wage pizza guy living week to week or day to day. But in the longer term, the SBWJ is gonna be in deep shit. He/she might not find another “good” job for a long time. And the longer the time they don’t find one the less likely they will ever get hired for that kind of job again. Which means they end up getting a job that doesnt use their qualifications/experience. Which generally means less pay. Tiger Woods aint going to get paid nearly as well as a carpenter than he does playing golf and for good reason.
I think the assumption is that SBWJ guy has more of his ego tied up in his job than Mr. Pizza Boy. Financially, it may be less stressful (or not, if he has more financial obligations as well as income), but it’s more of a blow psychologically. I’m sort of in between Pizza Boy and SBWJ status, and I’m much more sensitive about my freelance work than my day job, because it’s more important to me that I be good at what I love.
Ego and identity. A man is likely to think of himself as a lawyer or a doctor, but less likely to think of himself as a pizza delivery boy (i.e. it’s what he does to make money, not his career).
Exactly.
For example: I’m not a bum, but I am a love machine.
I agree with markm and have experienced the same “cycle” of desire. Sometimes you can’t get enough, other times it’s really not important.
I guess that’s part of why people say they have to “work” at relationships, even if I’m not in the mood I still have sex and often I get into it after I get started. Even if I don’t my gf gets a lot of satisfaction from it and that makes us both happy.
The rest of my post explained the sentence. Men identify themselves with their job. It is not just a monetary loss.
To the pizza delivery guy that is still his job and his loss of self esteem. He may never have known what it is like to be a high flyer
I suppose that’s true of people who retire at age 65 from a long and successful career in the pizza delivery field but that’s not the point I was making.
I read ONLY the OP, but my advice is:
Get a bigger bed!
Get some 1000 thread count sheets! And a comforter!
And maybe try to kiss with a ‘little more muscle’. I mean, at least once. You’re married? No just dating.
I bet you could hook up with some other dude if you wanted.
Just to throw out another idea; You mentioned that your boyfriend has had a history with clinical depression - was he ever on any meds for it? Some of the side effects of commonly prescribed meds can include loss of libido and impotence, possibly even after the course has ceased.
You flatter yourself that I was replying to your post.
What I find bizarre is women lecturing us how men think and feel.
Its like me explaining how women feel when they’re having a period.
A bunch of people have stated that stress will affect their libido. Which is more logical: that every person who has said so is lying, or that your experience is atypical?
This seems to be a common theme in your posts. Just because you have a different experience and/or cannot explain something does not mean it is untrue. To assume so is the height of arrogance.
You seem to want to present yourself as an intelligent person. Remarks like this do you no favors.
That’s ridiculous…
He’s clearly a furry.
Ridiculous. All men know the answer to that is “sticky”.
I’m guessing the OP can’t relate to the idea that in some people stress --> bad libido idea because she has a lump on her breast and she still wants to do it.
Frankly though, it sounds more medical. He’s a “big guy” with high blood pressure and a history of depression? Yeah.
I have a question about this, which I also have for women in a similar situation, but which I never wanted to ask for fear of being called a sexist pig (and quite rightly.) Sure you had a lack of desire, but intellectually you probably knew what this was doing to your marriage. Why not at least feign interest once in a while? Did you have a moral aversion to intimacy without some level of desire?
I did know what it was doing to the relationship and because of this I did ‘feign interest’ sometimes, but even though I did my best to make it appear sincere, she knew it was not, and I honestly think that bothered her more. That made it look like a pity move. Worse than feeling rejected is feeling rejected and pitied.
Whooooooooooooooo! Called it! Wooooo! Thread win! High fives all around? Eh? Eh?
…
Guys? Where you going?
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey! Get your own joke!