(((carlotta))) and everyone else inside and outside this thread touched by suicide…
I’ve also lost a loved one this way. 16 years ago, and I’m in tears reading this- feeling afresh the shock and denial and guilt and most of all- the confusion and sudden void in my soul.
As others have mentioned, the best consolation I found was in consoling others and being consoled by them. Mutual support with others who were hurting too and could empathize accurately.
There is still a part of my brain I try to keep the door shut on. Madness dwells there. in his locis scorpiones nascuntur.
Carlotta, I’m so sorry for your loss. My son committed suicide 8 years ago. I’m still heartbroken, but the moments I dwell on it get shorter and farther apart.
Carlotta, I am so deeply, very sorry for what you are going through.
Often people suffering from depression come across as being some of the happiest jokiest people around-its a front that is put up as a safety barrier to the world.
Im someone who has attempted suicide a lot in the past, although I now do realise the pain it inflicts on others and am hopefully a lot better.
Look after yourself and take each minute at a time.
I just wanted to respond to all the lovely kind thoughts of everybody, especially those of you that have gone through something similar. It is taken me a while to respond because it’s taking me a while to do anything these days (oy, the laundry)
Moodindigo1: Thank you for your sympathy. I am so sorry for the loss of your spouse, as well as your other losses. Could I private message you some questions?
Broomstick: Thank you for sharing so much of your own experience and I am so sorry for the loss of your sister.
phouka, Hippos: I am so sorry that you have been so low. Please believe there is help. I know it can be hard to seek it out
DoloresReborn, minor7flat5, SomeUserName, pantheon, picunurse, and all others who have lost a loved one to suicide, thank you for taking the time to share my pain.
People deal with this sort of loss differently, but please know that sadness is not the only justifiable reaction. Some people will understand the sadness of losing a loved one, but they may not understand the rage that can be engendered by losing someone through suicide. Not everyone feels angry, but some do, and that’s as legitimate as tears. Some people are blessed with the grace to be forgiving and understanding; some of the rest of us have to work not to hate the departed for what they did, and eventually have to come to terms with the fact that we will never understand it. Don’t be afraid to talk to someone, to ask for help; it’s a tough, tough thing to come to terms with. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Years ago, I lost my grandfather that way, and I went through every possible emotion. It shakes you up for awhile. Just know, that it does get better.
My thoughts are with you.
I’ve never posted about this on a forum, and I only saw your post just now…Carlotta, I know the sense of loss you feel, and what you’re going through is still fresh in my life as well. I found my younger brother after he hung himself in his bedroom in October. I’ve been haunted by it every day since then, not really because he’s gone, and only partly because I was the one who found him and had to make such a heartbreaking call to our parents…but mostly because I now know that I didn’t know my little bro as well as I thought I did.
Please take care, if you haven’t done so already I recommend some kind of grief counsellor or group - such programs have been immeasurably helpful to me.
You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers, and may your brother R.I.P.
My brother killed himself about 18 months ago. There is no one-size-fits-all advice here.
In retrospect, I realized that both with this brother and with another who died from cancer, that I had to get thru a what-if stage before I could get on with the grief. It goes without saying that we shouldn’t blame ourselves but not always easy to avoid.
I can’t really explain why but the end to my what-if was reading an advice column. The question was how to interact with the family members in a suicide. The columnist said “he was sick and he died”.
More than that, having someone to talk to helps. For me it turned out to be a professional therapist but I think anyone I could have talked to would have worked. I hope you find the answer that works for you.
Oh, I am so sorry for YOUR loss, and Monster104’s and all the others mentioned here.
Your quote is very helpful. It is already the way I have been thinking. He had an illness called depression, that may or may not have been caused by specific physical causes (one of our cousins had a terrible depression that was cured when his thyroid imbalance was corrected), and that led to the confused thinking that led to this terrible accident.
It isn’t really important WHY it happened. I just have to learn to live with the fact that it did happen.
Carlotta, your beloved brother suffered from an undiagnosed case of severe depression. It is a disease and can be deadly. The wonderful man you know did not do this any more than a cancer victim inflicts a terminal result on themselves. I am so sorry for you and your family.
carlotta, I’m very sorry for your loss. My deepest sympathy to you and your loved ones (and to everyone else who has lost ever lost someone in such a shocking and terrible manner).
