Ditto. That really bites. =/ You’ve done what you can; now do what you must to live with yourself, but no more. It’d be a waste, and wouldn’t make you feel any better.
Poisonous siblings are at their worst when your parents are elderly, just before they pass. If these siblings can be thieving entitled asses, that’s when they will be. I know its a cold comfort, but once the OP’s mother passes, she will never Ever have to see that lame scumbag ever again.
Since my parents death, I’ve cut 2 greedy conniving EBS out of my life. I miss my parents. I pity wherever the EBS spread their joy now.
BMalion, if you’re not already in it, I strongly recommend Al-Anon for you, for your own peace of mind. It’s a safe place to let out your feelings, and it can help you figure out some tools for dealing with the toxic personalities in your life.
Thank you all for your thoughts.
I am legally trustee of the house, which is owned bt the trust. I am changing the trust to no longer allow him to live there after she shuffles off her mortal coil.
She still gives him money, what the hell, she earned it, she can do what she wants with it. I will not.
My family only just cut my cousin off. When his dad - my uncle - died two years ago, the son was caught selling off the ceremonial oil for the cremation for drug money. :eek:
But we knew he was a druggie and a spendthrift for years before, selling everything he owned, and with some elder & spousal abuse thrown into it. And everyone just shut their eyes. Cross religion, though, and suddenly you’re outta there. :rolleyes:
My sympathies to you. Sometimes I am very glad I am an only child.
Sorry if this is a major tangent, but what kind of ceremonial oil can you sell (from a havan ceremony?) and who would buy it?
Honestly, if Mom is a hoarder, letting the brother have the house and all the stuff and walking away from it might be the best for all. Getting a hoarder’s house ready for sale may not even be worth the price it sells for. Brother wouldn’t feel like you cut him out (he’ll blame you later when he can’t keep up the taxes and they take it from him or condemn it, but hopefully, you’ll have lag time to escape the vortex of dysfunction) and MAY even figure out that without mom to sponge off of, he has to figure out how to get himself fed.
You are dealing with a lot of dysfunction. I feel for you. Don’t let it weigh too hard on you. Sometimes, you have to walk away. Sometimes that means no longer enabling the enablers. That becomes REALLY hard. If you don’t have someone to talk to (Al-Anon, a therapist, a minister, a good friend who doesn’t mind), get someone. Been there, done that, have the t-shirt (smaller size, less dysfunction to fit in than you are dealing with).