My butthole itches!

Yeah! Butt (heh) Preparation H[sup]tm[/sup] or the generic equivalent takes care of that…or vigorous scratching with toilet paper encased fingers…

I’m unemployed!

Well, it’s happened before. According to (former) employers, I’m talented, bright, loyal, and a damn good worker. I just have this “reliability problem.” Which leads to:

I suffer from depression and migraine!

Well, goddammit, doctors, I’ve been seeing you for several years for this bullshit; can’t you solve all my problems quickly and conveniently? Which leads to:

I’m terrified of trusting therapists due to misjudgments by them in the past!

Frankly, therapists (well, a few anyway), I do not blame my parents for my problems!! I blame my reactions to some things in my past, but mostly, I blame my physiology! When things go well, I fuck them up! My parents and family didn’t teach me to do that, neither did the world at large!

What the fuck is with this blaming shit on people who honestly did the best they could under their circumstances?

Kind of a lame rant, I know, but I’ve seen some wonderful SDMB help offered, and I would deeply appreciate some directed toward Chez Smegma.

:slight_smile:

Is it possible that all these problems are related? Therapist misjudgement -> itchy butthold -> depression -> job loss

That Preparation H might just turn everything around for you. :slight_smile:

My neck really hurts. I’m pissed about my sister getting fired. I’m depressed and have no motivation to do anything but go to work, go home, and go to sleep. Life sucks today, I’ll give you that. Here’s hoping we’ll both feel better soon.

I can’t help you with your other problems, but the itching is probably due to anusitis. I learned that cortizone works well for this when I asked about MY itchy bunghole here earlier this year (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=104333&highlight=BUNGHOLE).

And, if the cortizone doesn’t work then you could always go for the…

wait for it…

Anusol

Greatest product name EVER.

My toe hurts and this makes me absolutely terrified about the fate of the universe in seven trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion trillion years. Black holes, everybody, fear the black holes!!!

don’t overlook the possibility of a fungal peri-rectal infection.

I, too, suffer from chronic itchy butthole. Cortisone seems to help a lot. I wonder, though, why it only seems to be men who have this problem. Why don’t women get itchy buttholes? Or is it that they do but only men are tactless enough to talk about it?

A fascinating medical topic.

And given the recent trends of Pit discussion, not surprisingly it has turned up here as well.

Much can be gleaned from a Google search under the term pruritus ani.

Whatever you do, don’t confuse the Anusol with the Anbesol.

The butt itching thing, though, do you live near a trailer park? Are alien spacecraft regularly sighted there? Watchout for those probes…
b.

If it’s true that itchy bunghole is more common among men, it may be because men generally eat more hot, spicy food than women.

In my experience, these types of foods can exasperate the itching.

Could be Pin Worms.

I think it’s because men have much hairier asses… which results in the hair drying out the skin located around the bunghole.

Try shaving your ass then call back in 10 days.

Here’s a question…

Why in the hell am I compelled to open a thread concerning someone’s itchy butt??

::shakes head and wanders off looking for even more tantalizing topics::

When we lived in Honolulu we had a neighbor lady from Georgia. The neighborhood was having a luau and she was there. She kept looking uncomfortable and finally broke down and conducted a thorough scratching of the ol’ bung hole. This did not relieve her discomfort and she resorted to another attack on the crack. This did not work either, so she told my wife “That is it! I am tired of my ass itching! I am going in and putting on some Vicks vaporub!” She left the luau. went to her townhouse and emerged a short time later, reeking of Vicks vaporub. My wife asked her how putting Vicks vaporub on her chest helped her rear end. She replied “On my chest? I put it on my butt and it works everytime!” True story, so, try some Vicks vaporub on the butthole and advise us how it works.

Yes, Giraffe, Prep H and a good laugh are the keys to solving most of the world’s problems, I believe.:smiley:

cuahtemoc, yeah, things usually do improve.:slight_smile:

Surreal, Ol’Gaffer, thanks.

SPOOFE? Well, at least you didn’t offer to lend me your toothbrush.

Qadgop:eek:
:using mirror to examine bung area for sprouting mushrooms!:

Diogenes, interesting topic. I believe it’s related to many women not farting; they “pooter.”

Jack, a whole page dedicated to itchy butts? Damn. Well, I’m happy to report that this least of my problems is merely 'roids, not proximity to trailer parks, Billy.

No.

Ruby, you open threads like this because of your refined taste and wisdom.:smiley:

Haywood, you first!:eek:

Suddenly life doesn’t seem so bad anymore.

Btw, it’s now at…

My butthole itches!
Kissinger, we barely knew thee !

Please tell me there is a full moon out there, because otherwise I have no explanation for either the existence, or my opening of this thread.

Thank you…

//\y butt f3375 71ke burn1ng