I found out today that my cat (Jack Sane) has, or rather had, a job. He got a letter today requesting info regarding his working for Hillerich and Bradsby, those fine chaps that bring to America, the most excellent product, the “Louisville Slugger”. It seems my cat quit his bat engineering job there, due to creative differences with the management. Jack got this letter because there is a very hep cat out in Montana, that wants to get some answers to some questions…*
When I was reading about how you quit from Hillerich and Bradsby, I was wondering if you could go into more detail about what they were doing wrong. What was so unsafe?
Why would a bat company want to come out with a metal bat that acts like wood when you could just use wood?
What are some advantages aof wood opposed to aluminum?
Could you send me some statistics on the wood vs. aluminum (bats) and the reaction time for pichers if the ball is hit right at them?
The final question is the reason my cat quit the company in 1997. I have done some research, and the school, the individual, and the baseball team the cat refers to is all real. At first, I thought it was some kind of anthraxian letter, but everything checks out. My quandry is, should I forward the letter to the right Jack Sane, (I already found his home address, home phone and fax number) or should I send back some choice responses to the above questions?
The reason Jack Sane gets letters, is that my phone is listed under his name. He’s never gotten hand-addressed letters from real humans before.
Any choice answers for the above questions? I’m sorely tempted…
I’d forward the letter to the real Jack Sane. You wouldn’t want to find out, down the road, that the Montana hepcat was a potential Mailbox Bomber, and that it was Jack Sane’s refusal to respond to his questions that drove him over the edge and got him thinking about government conspiracies (“he didn’t answer my letter 'cause the Gray Men got to him first…I am the only one left, and I have to get the word out to the American Public about the dangers inherent in aluminum bats…”)
Send it on to the right Jack Sane (it might be important to him or the letter-writer, for some reason) but make a copy of the questions and definitely do something cool with them later.
Our cat has his own email address (which we check for him occasionally) but your story tops that. Cool beans.
Well, # 2 & # 3 are sort of “DUH.” The advantage of an aluminum bat that hits like wood is that it’s safer than traditional aluminum (which has too fast a return as I understand, not to mention that annoying “TINK” noise), but wouldn’t break like wood does. I’d think that if this is someone writing from an actual baseball team they’d know that.
That having been said, I’m really curious to what unsafe practices Louisville Slugger is guilty of, as my parents just moved across the river from Louisville and I think my mom works near their factory. I don’t want to lose her to some large rosin explosion or something.
Our cat only gets credit card applications and junk mail from matchmaking services!
My cat Zem (all the mattresses are named Zem so when one dies, the others aren’t so sad, you see) lives with my parents, because my mom became rather attached to her and wouldn’t let me take her when I moved. Anyway, I registered Zem for the Burger King Kids Club (or is it Klub?) some time ago, so she periodically gets stickers, videos and birthday burger coupons. Apparently nobody thought “Zem Louise Nesbitt” was an unusual name.
She’s 9, so I’m thinking that pretty soon she’ll start getting subscription offers for various 'tween magazines. She’s far too discerning a cat to be interested in that nonsense, though.
Now I’m starting to become concerned about what Conan the Wonderkitty and Schrodinger the Invisi-Cat do during the 2-3 hours they spend outside the apartment at night.
Hell, for all I know, they could have gone to the Mail Store and gotten a mailbox, and are running some kind of mail-order work-at-home scam.
I wouldln’t put it past Conan to do that, and Schrodinger (Lenny to Conan’s George) is so dumb, he’d just go along with the deal.
Fill it out proxy for your Jack, with appropriate answers for a former bat maker of the feline variety, and then write at the bottom somethening like, “by the way, I am a cat. I think you may have mistaken me for this guy.” and give them the forwarding address.
Just remember Wonko, that letter came from inside. Pay it no mind.
I need to get a pet just so I can put its name in the phone book. You seem to have endless fun.
Cool beans.