I just got one that said “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.” What a freakin’ rip off.
I got one that said “You’re path is difficult, but you will be amply rewarded.”
i posted it on my pc monitor at work, about 7 years ago. It has yet to come true.
The New Twilight Zone, actually–the critic was played by Elliot Gould.
My Great-Grandfather once got one that said “Jesus is coming and is he mad at you!”
Is it me, or are they making all fortune cookies now with fortunes that no longer work with “in bed” appended?
“Support literacy, buy a box of fortune cookies today.”
I’m not making this up, I have this one laminated and hanging on my wall.
“You know how we said we didn’t put MSG in your food? We lied.”
I have one that says “The greatest danger could be your stupidity.”
I once got one that said “You and your wife will be very happy”. That would have been great, except for the fact that I have a husband.
I was going to say Twilight Zone… Really.
Dr Rieux- you are scary good.
“When you push your cart to the mountain, a path will appear.”
I really think Bill Gates wrote the one about, “When a door closes, a window opens.” Maybe it was, “…a window crashes.”
“You will fall completely to pieces by the end of the month”
My (male) cousin got one the other day that simply said “You are very pretty today!”
I about died.
“Bad luck and misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity.”
Ok, I’m a Rocko fan.
While doing the “in bed” rule, I got this little gem:
“You will recieve great wisdom from a child.”
Worst ever? “You love chinese food!” I’ve gotten that one a couple of times.
“The cookies know where you live. Tip your server well.”
My husband’s company recently closed down their Oregon site, and the employees there knew for a few months that they were about to lose their jobs. About a week before their last day, they went out to chinese food and my husband got:
“You are soon to be promoted at your job.”
Niiiiiiiiiiice. He kept it taped to his office door, next to his upside-down name placard.
“Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day”
“Woman who fly upside down have crack up”
“Man who walks through metal detector sideways is going to Bangkok”
There was a restaurant where Mrs. Uvula and I were regulars and eventually we got to be friends with the owners and staff. One Saturday we went in for lunch and the place was packed; by the time we were finishing our meal the line was out the door. The waitress brought the check and fortune cookies over to the table and scurried off giggling. When I looked up, the staff was all huddled behind a partition at the back of the restaurant looking at us and laughing. We couldn’t figure out what the hell was so funny…
…until I opened my fortune cookie and found a handwritten fortune: “WE NEED TABLE!! YOU GO NOW!!”
My strangest one was:
“Birds become entangled by their feet, and men by their tongues.”
Gets even more interesting if you add “in bed.”