He’s wrapping up first grade this week. Beginning of the year he couldn’t read, now he’s into the thrid grade books. Similar story with math. He refuses to participate in class, however and gets a little upset when teachers don’t see that it’s because he’s bored and insecure. His primary teacher has got his number and can get him to perform most of the time. The rest of the time, well, let’s just say we’re on a first name basis with the principal, the district social worker and some of the SP-ED teachers. But that’s not what this thread is about.
He attends an anger management class (because we’re curious and because it pleases the school that he do so). First session went great. He was chatty and receptive, engaged some of the more bashful members of the group so they would talk (he’s 7). “Great Kid” says the counselling team (whom I secretly refer to as Mr. & Ms. VanDriessen, mm-kay?) I’m in the waiting area during the second session. Just before it’s supposed to be over, Mr. V comes out to me and says, “Your son is being very disruptive. He’s being very silly and talking about cutting peoples’ heads off and drinking their blood. He’s being very graphic and aggressive, and isn’t responding to questions in a normal way.” (My son sees almost no TV, and doesn’t play video games by the way).
I’m speechless. Whom was he expecting? Shirley Temple? It’s a freaking ANGER MANAGEMENT thereapy session. I already know he exhibits uncontrollable rage at times–that’s why he’s here! What is it you guys are supposed to be doing with him? Oh yeah, figure out how to help me help him, not tattle on him like his sisters do. I know damn well why he’s acting that way–he’s got your number and he’s trying to piss you off because you BORE him! And you’re out here ratting on him so guess what: HE GOT YOU!!! Now quit bitching and give me your professional insight into how I can help him accept the frustration of dealing with dull morons like you get that behavior under control.
It seems to me that he needs Advanced Placement, not anger management. I found out quite bitterly that these 'counselors" would be better off not ruining your and your child’s lives and having a mop put into their hands. Be warned and get your child out of their clutches.
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Yup. That was his 2nd and last appointment with those bozos. We’ve already got a meeting scheduled with the ptincipal to begin testing for the gifted kiddies program.
Children are not nearly the brain dead little morons people seem to think they are. They’re very aware of what’s happening around them and whether or not the people they talk with are full of crap. I’d say Jr. Montoya found out in a hurry that Mr. V is not only full of crap, but totally unable to do the job he gets paid to do as well.
I was a gifted child who was skipped a year at school because it was assumed I was bored. In fact I was in shock because my parents had separated and my brothers were taken away from me.
I ended up being the youngest in my class for the next 9 years of my school career, in an all-boy school, meaning I was the bottom of the pecking order and so on the receiving end of bullying from every other kid. I only ever got roughly average grades from then on because I hated being in school so much.
Things are different these days, sure, but don’t assume 1/ that because he’s bored he’s gifted, and 2/ that skipping a class is the answer.
Getting in to a gifted and talented program helped, but not that much. The truth is the system is still built around “average” and tends to hammer down anything that sticks out. We got minimally different cirriculum in elementry school (special math and reading classes), and not much of anything in junior high and high school. Through it all I was bored and restless and didn’t learn a thing. I didn’t act out, but I was depressed and underachieving.
I didn’t engage again in my education until I went to college- for the first time education felt like it was “mine” and not a set of expectations, and I was free to explore as deep as I wanted to without putting a number on everything (I went to a gradeless college).
Along the lines I internalized doing well as something that was about other people, so the only way to assert myself and feel like I was in control of my life was to be mediocre. I was afraid of sucess and the constant expectations that would lead to. It wasn’t until it was all up to me (no grades) that I felt free to learn as much as I could and rediscovered my love of learning.
I was another bored/gifted child. I was bumped up half a grade in Kindergarten (half day in, half day in grade one), and eventually bumped up a full grade a year or two later. At the time it didn’t mean much to me – I was too young to understand the finer reasoning behind how different this was from normal. It came back to bite me in the ass later though.
Now, to be fair I had other problems; parents split on me pre-school, dad got saddled with huge debt my mother left that forced him to leave me with “foster parents” (my father just paid them to look after me, it wasn’t a legal adoption or anything) and I turned into a shy, meek little kid with just about zero social acumen. Being one grade ahead during primary school wasn’t really much of a bad thing – we didn’t have “advanced” or “remedial” classes at that stage, you were either held back a year or you skipped one, but the only outward indicator that you did either was your age, and that didn’t mean much at that point. It wasn’t until I went into junior high that things turned to crap. There, we had segregated classes for advanced students, but they only typically covered half a day with core subjects (math, English, history, geography) – other subjects like art, science and so on, were with the rest of the school. Being in the advanced classes automatically put you in the geek squad as far as the rest of the school was concerned, and having to spend the other half of the day with the rest of the school gave the “average” students ample opportunity to tease/bully you. And I was bored stiff, but of greater consequence at that stage in my youthful development was the social stigma of being a “brainer,” a “nerd,” or whatever else I was called. (Of course looking back now I realize I should have been proud of being smarter than those morons, but when peer pressure and socialization are building to a fever pitch, pride means absolutely nothing) That just made me crawl into myself and wish I could just be left the hell alone. My grades suffered, I played hookey a lot (I just didn’t want to be there) and things weren’t much of an improvement from then on. I dropped out halfway through 10th grade.
That’s been my experience anyway. I’m sure a lot of it hinged on those events in my life that crippled my ability to socialize like a normal kid, but I guess what I wished more than anything was that if I was going to be stuffed into “brainer” classes, it should have been total. The opportunity for “average” students to get their shots in on class time just made it that much more difficult to accept being in the advanced classes (and therefore different) in the first place. If the advancement was complete and immersive so I could remain among my fellow nerds, things probably would have been a bit better.
Not that this is in any way meant to deter you from doing what you think is best for your son’s education – his education is of utmost importance especially at this time in his life – but I think all the bases need to be covered before a decision is made as to what’s bugging him, lest he find himself in a better educational, but worse social situation.
I think the social aspect is really important. There’s IEPs and after school tutoring and clubs and such that can keep a gifted child engaged while staying with their class with respect to age and social level. I had the opportunity to skip a grade (4 or 5 I think) and my mother (an elementary school teacher) strongly advised me against it, simply because it would result in me being taken out of my age group and that can be very difficult for a child. Especially shy kids, or ones without properly developed skills to begin with.
For much the same reason, nowadays (at least in my mom’s school board) a lot of teachers and schools hesitate to keep a child back a year, because the social stigma and disconnect is actually considered worse for the child than a weak grade. Through IEPs, most children can catch up, especially when they see that their peers are able to do more than them.
I don’t really have any specific advice for your son, other than perhaps getting him as involved as you can into clubs and other activities that might give him a chance to get rid of some of that energy. Scouts, perhaps, or some sort of martial arts?
Weighing in as a US public school student who was tracked into gifted & talented since before day one. They even started me in kindergarten a bit early because I had already been reading for well over a year.
The school authorities are surprisingly correct when they say he ought to stay with his peers. However, if the junior Montoya is a budding genius who really wants to learn things without dealing with the usual crap (which it sounds like he is ) his peers are not necessarily with the larger class his age. They’re the people he can actually talk to and develop relationships with.
My best times in school were in the G&T program classes, and my worst – including the times I was physically bullied – were all out in the ‘general population’, as it were. Get him into as much as you possibly can, and let him hang out with kids who won’t punch him for reading on the playground. When I got to high school, a good 75% of my classes were of the mad-scientist variety (my school did AP courses as well, but they were separate from gifted and talented) and I found better friends there than anywhere else.
You occasionally learn something in those classes too, although usually it’s when there’s a power outage in chemistry class and the teacher’s back is turned. :eek!:
You very nearly described my own son’s experience last year in first grade. The exception being, they didn’t want him in anger management classes, they wanted to get him into counselling so he could find his “inner motivation.” Whatever. He knew he could get away with not doing his work if he was bored by it because his teacher couldn’t/wouldn’t really do anything to make him.
This is the kid who would have the whole math worksheet finished before the teacher was through handing it out to the rest of the class. And then she expect him to sit their quietly until the rest of the class caught up. Then she would send home nasty notes about how he was disruptive in class and couldn’t focus. She never tried to give him extra challenging work, or let him look at books while he was waiting for the class, just expected a 6 yo boy to sit quietly. Then she wanted us to get him tested for ADD/ADHD because he didn’t have self control.
We pulled him out of the system altogether. I homeschooled him this year and discovered he was a totally different child when properly challenged. He attended a couple classes through the charter school to keep in contact with kids his age, but most of his work was at home, at his own pace. He exceeded my expectations.
There is no one solution that fits all kids. I feel for your situation and hope things turn out well, soon.
) his peers are not necessarily with the larger class his age. They’re the people he can actually talk to and develop relationships with.