My dentist is a ham fisted cack handed oik

I have false teeth, top. I had to have all my gnashers out when I contracted some gum disease and my “dentist” assured me that my new ones would be just as good as my old uns.

Issat so?

They fit me like a size 9 shoe on a size 7 foot :mad: and it aint fucking funny.

I’ve been backwards and forwards to the dentist like a blue arsed fly trying to get him to at least TRY to get them to fit my mouth. For all the use he is I may as well have tried to knit tripe.

Today he came at me with a fucking needle twice the size of an assegai and plunged it into my gums “You’ll just feel a tiny prick” Believe me I do, for choosing this tosser to rummage around in my mouth.

Really? It felt as if the all England javelin throwing team had lined up and hurled their weapons into my gob and then the all England hammer throwing team and their wives had assisted in making certain that the fucking needle was firmly lodged.

Pain? you bet, pain like I could not imagine. My mouth is swelled up like an overinflated tyre, my right eye is shut and it FUCKING hurts.

Now if I had been getting this on the NHS I’d still be pissed but no,I’m paying for this torture. Thus far it’s cost me around £280 and it’s gonna cost me a lot more so Torquemada tells me.

Did I tell you he gave me some pain killers?

The leaflet tells me, among other things, that possible side effects of these pain killers are:

Nausea
Fits
Vomitting
Diarhoea
Loss of appetite
Etc, etc.

Well that’s sodding great. Not only can I suffer pain but I can starve to death at the same time.

Fuckit, I’m going to bed after I’ve guzzled this bottle of whisky, if I don’t return then I’ve died in my sleep

I’m very sorry for your pain and hope you feel better soon.

I’m also posting to say that I love the phrase “cack handed oik”, although I don’t know what it means.

This post is rife with the kind of vocabulary that delights my American eyes. Do more.

Cack handed oik

Ah yes a good old English expression means about as much use as a fart in a broken bottle.

It would appear that we English have a monopoly on bazzin sayings, innit?

I’ve never heard it here in the US, but in England and Australia, “cack handed” is often used as a synonym for “left handed.”

It is also sometimes used, in a more general sense, to apply to ham-fisted or uncoordinated people.

Sorry to hear about your pain and troubles chowder. Good rant, though. Made me laugh.

Hilarious rant! My husband had the same problem and never did adjust to his plate. He’s doing without. :frowning:

Try a new dentist. You do not know how good or bad one is til you try another one.

Doing without teeth? How does he eat?

I’ve always regarded is as meaning ‘wrong-handed’, i.e. for a right-handed person to be attempting something with their left, and the resulting clumsiness, etc.

Anyway. On scanning, I read the thread title as ‘cock handed fuck’. I’m not the one to trust.

He’s got bottoms and one or two on one side on the top. He manages ok with most foods. It’s really very sad. He said it was like having a giant foreign object in his mouth…uh. because that’s what it is. But he couldn’t get past the gag reflex.

I’m sorry to hear that. That doesn’t sound like much fun at all. I hope one day they find a better solution for him.

This is tremendous.

Excellent rantage. Hope your chomper trouble improves.

I’ve had some bad dentists in my day, but nothing that level of quackery.

Having spent a relatively sleepless night I have decided today to find another dentist.

I shall first call at the one I have at present and tell him in no uncertain terms that I consider him a useless twat who would be better employed as an assistant torturer in whatever country he desires.

If he takes my advice I have little doubt that in less than 6 months he will be the worlds foremost authority on the inflicting of pain.

I do not expect to get any refund of cash paid.

Thanks for all wishes and you’ll be glad to hear my discomfort had eased a bit, still throbbing though…my mouth that is

Just wondering on from that: (A) One euphemism for feces is “cacka” (or variant spellings thereof). (B) Traditionally, in a number of cultures, the left hand is used to clean one’s nether regions after defecating.

Would I be wrong to extrapolate (C) “cack-handed” as arising from the confluence of (A) and (B)?

No, it seems this is correct.

The Oxford English Dictionary says that the term cack-handed possibly comes from the word cack, meaning “foul with excrement.” The earliest example of cack-handed given by the OED is 1854.

This guy also agrees with you.

In Australia, we tend to say “cacky handed” rather than “cack handed.” As a left-hander, i was often referred to this way growing up, although in Australia the term (in my memory at least) really has no pejorative connotations; it’s merely slang for left-handed.

In Britain, however, it is quite frequently used as an insult, as in the OP.

/me hands chowder a bowl of bread and milk.

There you go. Get your sore gums into that. :smiley:

We looked into implants, but 1) it would have cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $18K, 2) it takes a year or so to complete the work, and 3) he’s got quite a bit of bone loss, making his chances of successful implantation a bit of a crapshoot. I have a friend who did implants and they didn’t take. You don’t get a refund.

Oh, I feel for you, Chowder, really I do. My last dentist was of the cack-handed oik variety. I think I probably blackened my name there when I phoned up to ask if I could have an appointment so that Mr Twunt could have his fifth attempt to put my dodgy filling right. Apparently you’re not supposed to address Dr Chaudhry as “Mr Twunt”. Should have called him “Dr Twunt” then, shouldn’t I?

Thanks awfully old chap.

You couldn’t masticate it a bit for me could you?

Masticate, I said masticate!!

Scarie Faerie Twunt? :smiley: what sorta name is that…rhymes with…