Hey! What’s wrong with tattoos??
This woman sounds like 34 going on 17. If the levity’s gone, it’s her fault. Sheesh.
Yet she knows you well enough to be kissing and cuddling with you before all of this? Sorry, she’s sound like she’s a bit on the looney side. It’s been said better by others, but that’s the bottom line - this woman has issues, especially at her age - she’s 34, not in junior high school where they will giggle when they see you hold hands.
This is where the cherished phrase “Tough titty” comes into play. If you like something, don’t go and foul it up with your emotional baggage or what have you. And if you do foul it up, don’t expect the other person to be the cleaning crew, say “awww, it’s okay lil’trooper” and pat you on the back.
Let her know that the Wonko train only pulls into a station once (no sexual innuendo here, honest) and that she just missed her ride.
And then run away. Far away.