My ex-husband won’t have anything to do with me. I divorced him around 8 years ago, because he was too moody for me, and we did not share any common interests. We have a daughter, which he sees every two weeks, and he has always paid child support on time. He never calls me or offers to do anything special for our daughter, and never sends a card on my birthday or even Christmas. What’s wrong with this guy? He’s acting like a child-I’m afraid his behavior will hurt my daughter. What can I do about it? Why is he such a jerk?
I don’t know. Does he work in an ice cream parlour?
What do you expect? You’re divorced.
[quote}
I divorced him around 8 years ago, because he was too moody for me, and we did not share any common interests. [/quote]
Doesn’t seem like the whole story to me, but anyway. . .
You’re doing better than many women in your situation.
[quote}
He never calls me or offers to do anything special for our daughter, and never sends a card on my birthday or even Christmas. What’s wrong with this guy? He’s acting like a child-[/quote]
Who’s acting like a child?
Count your blessings, and stop complaining.
The odds that the bread will fall butter side down are directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
My experience with divorces must be different from yours.
My folks divorced when I was 8 or 9, close to 20 years ago. My dad basically didn’t want us anymore and threw us out, and then my mom and I moved 200 miles away. Pop always paid child support and could cough up a Christmas present and birthday card for me, but never for my mom. I don’t think she really expected it, and frankly, I’m surprised any former spouse would.
From the tone of your post, it sounds like you were the one who initiated proceedings, and he was the lout who had to be gotten rid of. If that is the case, it’s little wonder he doesn’t make more of an effort with you, as you obviously didn’t want to be married to him anymore and had no interest in continuing that sort of a relationship.
I don’t know about most kids, but I was too busy with other stuff to notice dad had neglected to send mom a birthday card. He never gave her anything when they were married, and the situation kind of went downhill from there. I doubt it’s having a terrible effect on your daughter, especially since she sees pop every 2 weeks, which is about standard in divorces. Maybe she could suggest to pop something special she would like to do one weekend; he may be up for it and their relationship could blossom. Dads are kind of dumb, in my opinion, especially divorced ones, so she’ll probably have to make a suggestion and whine until he follows through.
Best of luck to you and your daughter.
Maybe by the time I reach 100 posts I’ll get this freakin’ code right.
The odds that the bread will fall butter side down are directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
For the record, I am a single father with custody of a wonderful eight year old boy. My ex is an alcoholic adultress who doesn’t pay me any support, and until recently didn’t see her son very often.
Am I bitter? Nah (well, maybe a little). But when I saw egkelly’s post I felt compelled to respond.
The odds that the bread will fall butter side down are directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
With all due respect to the wronged spouses of the world, personal stuff like this really belongs in MPSIMS, so I’m going to transfer it there.
Livin’ on Tums, vitamin E and Rogaine
Right on Delta-
I felt the same way. First SHE divorces him, and then wants to know, “why arent we friendly”. How Ironic.
Oh well and everyone wonders whats happening to this country?!?!?
No way does your ex owe you a birthday card, a christmas card…or for that matter even to say hello to you if he passes you on the street. The only link that you two share is your child. As long as he spends time with his daughter, loves her and takes care of her…he owes you nothing. Now if he badmouths you to your daughter…that’s another story. Even if you two did have a great relationship as far as the care of your daughter goes…he still doesn’t owe you a thing. I would certainly feel like a hypocrite if I expected my ex to do those things. Do you perhaps mean purchasing a card for your daughter to give to you on your birthday?
“Do or do not, there is no try” - Yoda
Senior Intern to
El Presidente
Self-Righteous Clique *
Thanks for droppin’ off the trash, Manhattan. I’m bettin’ this one gets kicked to the Pit before long.
I’ll do my part to help things along in that direction Uncle . . .
The best thing my ex could do fer the kids and fer society at large would be to take her mother by the hand and step in front of a bus.
As has been mentioned, marriage is a bit more complex than High School dating – it takes one sweet nerve to toss someone, then expect them to be yer friend. I wouldn’t waste the effort to spit on my ex, and I expect most divorced folks feel the same.
Dr. Watson
“Repressed anger? Whaddaya mean by ‘repressed’?”
Hmm that sure does sound sympathetic, as though MR(s) Crick and Watson have really been emotionally involved in such a marital breakdown. Obviously though, others have been. Let them speak, and maybe something will be learned by both sides. Mockery though wont help either side.
I’m divorced too. Before we were married, my husband and I had a child that we placed for adoption. We have an open adoption, and we both have a continuing relationship with our daughter and her adoptive family.
We married two years after our daughter was born, and divorced a year later. I’ve seen him precisely once since then, and that was 9 years ago. Even though we do have a child in common, we have no relationship with each other. I don’t expect one. He’s my **ex-**husband. If I still wanted stuff from him, I wouldn’t have divorced him.
I’m also a step-parent. My husband has a son from a previous relationship. We get along pretty decently with my stepson’s mother. Didn’t used to, but time has smoothed things out. My husband has never expressed a desire to get her any gifts whatsoever, for any reason. But our relationship with her now is different than it used to be. I may buy her a birthday gift this year. But that would be because I want to, not because I’m obligated.
Changing my sig, because Wally said to, and I really like Wally, and I’ll do anything he says, anytime he says to.
It took 20 years and the death of a parent for my ex-wife and I to get to the point where we could have anything more than a polite conversation with each other. Go and live your life, and hope your ex- maintains active participation in his daughter’s life.
Sounds like he’s a pretty good father. I guess there’s more to this story than has been reported.
If chickens could pee, they would be wet on the bottom.
Honey, be glad you didn’t have my former husband…
Update from my mom… Just spoke to her re: this topic. She gave me ‘the look’ that means what I just said was ridiculous (summing up this thread), and told me the following.
“Three years after your father divorced me, on what would have been our 25th anniversary, he sent me a dozen roses. The note attached said ‘Happy Anniversary. I love you as much now as I ever did.’”
Now that is a jerk.
Id doesn’t sound like he’s a jerk. It just sounds like he has a life…separate from yours.
And, to MissDavis, for saying:
I’ll just say: THHHHHHHBBBBBPPPT!
I meant, “It doesn’t sound…etc”
Looking at it another way, it does make an interesting Freudian slip.
StarvinMarvin huh? FWIW pal, the ability to maintain a bit of ironic distance and a sense of humor doesn’t negate experience. It merely shows an ability to learn from it.
Try this on: I picked my kids up from day-care one Friday evening, and brought them home to a nearly empty house. ‘Momma’ had backed a truck up while we were gone and cleaned the place out, as well as cleaning out all of the bank accounts, stock accounts, and safe deposit boxes. She left a note saying she was going to her mother’s for a while to ‘think’. (Apparently she needed all of the money and most of the household goods around her in order to be able to think properly.)
Monday morning the fax machine started spittin’ out reams of legal papers dated months earlier, the Sheriff served me at 2 p.m., and the court dates had already been set. ‘Momma’ must have reached a conclusion or two during her weekend of ‘thinking’, eh?
Two years and tens of thousands of dollars later, I have both kids, a house with a tax lien on it (she stole the tax money along with the rest), 100% of her debts that she abandoned, nothing at all in the way of support, and am still getting bills that she and her ‘jet set’ pals are running up in places like Brussels, Eindhoven, and Lyon.
The worst part is that under this country’s moronic ‘No-Fault’ divorce laws there is nothing that says she has to provide a reason for any of this, and to this day she hasn’t. It rather stinks to have to invent stories for the kids about where their ‘momma’ is and why, not to mention inventing similar stories fer myself.
If ye think I ‘mock’ now, ye should have been in the courtroom with me a couple of times. The judge thought I was a feckin’ riot.
Dr. Watson
“Caution: Make Sure Brain is Engaged Before Putting Mouth in Gear.”