Fucking lame. It’s been nearly a year, and she’s been seeing this person pretty much the whole time, but before they were just dating and it wasn’t a big deal. Apparently I still have feelings for her because that’s really not something I liked hearing. It’ll probably be a good thing in the long run. Force me to get over it an all that. Why can’t she just be a bitch to me like she was at the end of our relationship? That’d be so much easier than her trying to stay friends and reminding me of everything about her that’s so fucking amazing.
What’s even worse is hearing the sweet news from the ex when you know (through the ex’s friend, your roommate) that her beau is treating her even worse than before.
Don’t worry man, happens to the best of us. I understand the whole ‘why are you being nice and making it hard for me to hate you?’ thing too. ‘No, I don’t want to be friends, now go away’ seems a little too harsh though.
I’m sorry this is upsetting you.
Would it help to settle for having had a fine relationship and to move on yourself?
Yeah. All the fucking jealousy and power trips that my ex-wife used to pull on me that caused me to divorce her; she doesn’t fucking do to her new BF!!
I mean jeez! If she would have just made that change for me we’d still be married!! :mad:
I feel your pain man.
Malacandra’s Grumpy Generalisation #357: A woman will go to far more trouble to spite an ex-SO than she would ever have done to please him.
Standard boilerplate disclaimer
No offense, dude, but there’s no law that says that you and she HAVE to be friends.
If seeing her is hurting you more than seeing her is good for you, regardless of the reasons, then don’t see her until the pendulum swings the other way. If it ever does swing the other way, you and she can rebuild a new relationship.
“Closure” is a myth. There’s no situation that exists that puts everyone back on a level playing field. And the only person whose mental health you have a duty to protect is your own.
glee and Happy Scrappy Hero Pup, yeah, I pretty much figured out both those things, but it’s easier said than done you know?
Yep. I’m sure that’s true.
I don’t know what’s so hard about it - you don’t see each other in person, you don’t talk on the phone, you don’t email or chat - seems easier than actually doing those things to me (unless you have kids together, in which case yeah, that changes everything). Harder to do if you don’t really want to, I guess. :dubious:
Perhaps it would be a good idea to try to put some distance between the two of you for now to allow yourself to heal and move on…but I wouldn’t rule out a friendship forever.
In some cases, I do think it’s worth it to stay friends with exes. Good friends often last much longer than lovers do, and if someone is a good person who adds something to your life, I don’t think it’s necessarily a good idea to shut them out for a lifetime over temporary romantic feelings.
About four years ago, this guy dumped me for another girl. For a while I was pretty broken up about it and we went six months without any contact at all. Finally, though, we did start talking again and have had a very pleasant friendship ever since.
My feelings for him are completely gone these days, along with the bitterness about the breakup. I’ve loved and lost a couple of other men in the years since, which has driven home to me how much better it is to make friends your focus instead of fleeting romances.
Recently he ended up breaking up with that other girl, and made a half-hearted attempt to get me back (I suspect more because he was lonely than because he truly wants ME). There was a time when that would have been the answer to my prayers, but at this point it’s all over for me. Nothing like rejecting a person who once rejected you to make you realize it truly is over. 
Thank goodness. I can now see very clearly that we didn’t belong together as a romantic couple but are fine friends.
I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but what you’re feeling is completely normal. Even if she was a total bitch, it would be normal to not be happy that your ex found happiness without you.
Have a beer on me, Snark.
I don’t see any point in trying to remain “friends” with an ex. Sometimes that works, but in the cases I’ve seen where it worked, the romantic relationship was never that serious to begin with. If it’s been a real, serious or long-term relationship, then continuing to be “friends” usually really only means (at best) being friendly, not really being buds.
I wasn’t suggesting in any way you were ignorant. :eek:
I’m going through a hard time myself at present (both parents died within a month) and what helped me a lot was sensible advice from people, which I was eventually able to follow.
Hope things work out for you. 
I dont know if this will help or make it worse, but your situation reminds me of “Clerks.” Ever seen it?
Didn’t mean to imply that I thought you were being rude. And thanks.
Yes I have. It reminds you of Clerks because we’re both hung up about an ex? Or is there more to it?