My family collapses


I’ve posted a couple times about how my father and I don’t get along. Well, today the following exchange took place:

Dad: I’m going to clean out the house in February, so let me know if there’s anything you want me to keep.

Me: Actually, I want to get the Precious Moments that mom didn’t take when she left.

Dad: Okay, just tell her that if she wants them she can make me my favorite dinner and mail it to me.

Me (thinking he’s joking): Um… no.

Dad (not joking): No??

Me: Dad, they’re hers. She shouldn’t have to GIVE you anything for them.

Dad: Well, if you’re not willing to ask her, then I’ll just break all of them and throw them out.

Me: Fuck you.

That’s a little condensed (there was a little more meaningless stuff before the “I’m going to break all of them”) but all that matters is there. There was a lot of arguing after that when I noticed booze on my dad’s breath.

So, tonight, I sit in my bedroom for what might be the last time. I feel like a teenager in an afterschool special, but I’m a college senior who’s going to start a career in less than a year.

I’m not upset. I almost see this as something that was inevitable. He was going to buy me a computer. That’s out the window. He was going to help support me while I was away on internship. That’s not going to happen, either. But I don’t care. This isn’t about money or possessions. It’s about a relationship that can’t take any more strife and a man who’s unwilling to compromise or listen to his son’s feelings.

I may never see my dad again, and I’m not even upset.

To quote Calvin: “What a stupid world.”

That sucks, SNenc. If the worst thing he’s done is just to be an asshole, though, I wouldn’t completely cut him out of my life. People can change, especially with support.

The last words he said to me came right before he went to bed. He stuck his head in and said, calmly:

“I really don’t care what you do, but it would be nice if you left.”

He doesn’t want me around, he won’t have me around. I’m leaving a note explaining myself. He knows how to reach me and I think the ball is in his court.


Ummm…pardon my stupidity, but what is meant by “Precious Moments”?

I feel awful for you, SNenc.

“Precious Moments” are a collection of porcelein figurines.

SNenc, I hear ya’.

I’ve pretty much gone through the same thing with both a father and a step-father. It sounds like you’ve got everything under control. Sometimes you’ve just got to say f*ck it and move on. Live your own life - which is what it sounds like you are ready to do.

Hey, if it helps, I can tell you that the second time I went through this I was at probably the exact stage of life you are at now. I turned out pretty well, and I’ve got some pretty good examples of what not to do when I’m a dad.

You did your best. With whatever exceptions:

A) Avoid any contact for exactly one year.

B) Get in touch and see if there’s any change.

C) If no change, see A.
Sounds like a sh!tty situation, please let us know what happens when you get free of it.