My Favorite Martian - Guest MMP

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Since the 1940s, we have dreamed of a vast intergalactic society, full of wise beings, great technological advances, and a rich cultural mix. It was only a matter of time before they discovered us, and asked us to join.

Then The Earth started getting visitors. At first it was little saucers of grey men crash landing in the desert. Followed shortly after by cow mutilations and kidnapped Earthlings getting anal probed. It was starting to look like we were just a place where bored space-frat boys came to party. But hey, isn’t that how Ft. Lauderdale got started? So we gamely said, “Bring us your bored, your drunks. We will entertain them. But you’re gonna let us in eventually. So we’ll show you just how good sports we can be.”

But I think these smug pangalactic bastiches have gone too far. For they have sent us Mandy the Martian, and I’ve had enough.

At first I thought Mandy was just your run-of-the-mill, mid-20s airhead. (It’s not like we ain’t got more than our fair share over in this corner of Virginia.) But then I noticed a few things:

  • she will use MapQuest to get directions to go three blocks. Because if you’ve drivien from Alpha Centauri or the Crab Nebula to here, your maps aren’t going to be that detailed to cover this neighborhood;
  • Daylight Savings Time is a complete mystery to her. She cannot figure out what Spring forward, Fall back means;
  • And she didn’t know that October, here in the states, has a holiday. Nope, despite being allegedly born and raised in the US, she had no idea what Columbus Day is.
    -and that’s another thing - she says she’s from Pittsburgh, but doesn’t have the accent (and I oughta know, 'cause that’s where I’m from.) And she doesn’t know anything about the Steelers! Sorry, I don’t buy it. Coma victims in Pittsburgh know what the Steelers are doing.

There are a lot more things, And I will diligently keep track of them. Because one of these days, we’re going to get an Ambassador or someone in charge of things here. And I am going to complain about being sent a phone sanitizer instead of a scientist or diplomat.

2

Are you tellin’ me the mall is full of Martians? :eek: That would explain all the weird outfits, I guess.

I have no Martians at work. A couple might be from Neptune but I’m not real sure.

Does Mandy look like this?

3

No, she’s pretty cute. Redhead, nice body, etc etc etc. And she seems to always have a bunch of guys hanging out at her desk when she’s not out making sales calls. I think she’s harvesting brain waves.

4

Is she sendin’ em back to Mars? Cause it don’t appear she’s using any of the brain waves she harvests.

5

Mars needs men, not women?

6

Well Bob, being an '80s kind of guy, my first thought is Mars Needs Guitars.

swampy she may be using them, just not inthe way we all do.

I tried eleanor’s crock pot cake Saturday. I can say it was a success (but maybe it’s just because it was devoured by three women in the midst of their cycle.)

7

Guess what I got in the mail on Saturday.

Go on, guess.

I got a box of cider donuts that apparently made it all the way to Toronto before being returned to me a month after I mailed them. Sorry, Lissla.

8

Martian Men

I am here to report the in-law visit went swimmingly! Well, no actual swimming was involved, of course it being 34 DEGREES RIGHT NOW. When did this happen.

Anyway, Baby Cherry received a recharable battery-powered ATV-type vehicle and his sister pronounced him “spoiled” for having such a luxurious gift at the age of 13 months.

I made chili and it was dubbed Excellent by all who consumed it. I added a teeny bit of cinnamon, used black beans and added one can of Bush’s hot beans for chili. That and my Secret Blend of Spices™ seems to have sent them over the edge in terms of chili nirvana. I admit, it’s the first time in probably 10 years I made chili with meat, so I was pleased with the result!

The Downward Pants Size Movement is probably on hold for another week. We had available at Chez Cherry four different kinds of ice cream. And … curse you, MMP’ers! I just had to buy two … I say TWO … bags of Hershey’s Dark Chocolate Kisses, and of course you can’t buy just one type of kiss, no you have to get caramel or nut or something. (In my case, it was caramel.) I do have bonus inside information for you all though – while kiss shopping, I spoke with a Hershey sales rep and she informed me that they’re coming out with peanut butter kisses soon. You heard it here first.

Did I mention it was 34 degrees here? This is insane. I want summer back.

9

I’m glad we don’t have any Martians here. It sounds like they cause alotta problems.

Good weekend here. It was all rainy and yucky out so I had to stay inside and relax and bake and stuff. Yup, tough life having to stay in and eat still-warm chocolate chip cookies. :stuck_out_tongue:

10

Well, the Great House Search of ‘05 commenced on Saturday, with rain, Dunkin’ Donuts employees who didn’t hear me ask for sugar, and three pretty crappy houses.

The first condo we looked at was painted Pepto Pink in non-sleeping areas–which were about half the size of my current living space. The bedroom, while nice and big, was painted baby blue, and Jesus looked down upon us from every surface. The owner had redecorated in 1985, and then never re-redecorated. Shortly after entering, I decided that Jesus didn’t want me to have this condo. My mother agreed.

Condo #2–adorable little complex, two cute little doggies being walked in the common area, two flights of stairs to get to the house. Nuh-uh, says I. It was gorgeous, with granite kitchen countertops and neato futuristic stainless-steel appliances (the microwave had a touch screen–my microwave at home is twenty years old and probably giving me cancer every time I use it), and clearly a bachelor pad–all the clothes in the closet were men’s, and the television was bigger than the couch. Nice, but too small.

The third one was the ultimate, however. Another two flights of stairs to get to the house, and then pinkpinkpink carpeting that made the baby Jesi in the first condo cry like French soccer players. Except for the bedrooms. The bedrooms had turquoise carpeting. The master bedroom also had a sponge-paint turquoise border around the top of the walls, and the inside panels on the sliding closet doors. It was horrid. Then I heard a scream from the second bedroom and ran in to find my best friend (and future roommate, if we find a place big enough), standing on that awful turquoise carpet, staring in disgusted wonder at the wallpaper–cartoon castles, clouds, rainbows, hearts, stars, and unicorns. I laughed so hard I had to sit down right there on the horrible turquoise carpet. (The ceiling was painted sky blue with clouds, and I probably would have kept that.) Everything in the house, from the bathroom mirrors to the track lighting, was purchased at Channel Lumber before they went under, I’m willing to bet, and even cute widdle baby unicorns couldn’t make me interested.

Then my mother took me to Target and bought me a new vacuum cleaner because she thought I needed it (I did), a new coat because she didn’t like the one I was wearing (neither did I), and spent about two hours making me try things on when I told her they wouldn’t look good (they didn’t). But shopping makes her happy, and I didn’t have to pay for it. :slight_smile:

But then, later that night, the realtor sent me a listing for a townhouse in a bell tower. It’s got circular staircases and a loft and did I mention it used to be a bell tower??? I’m hoping to look at that one sometime this week.

11

Well, here I sit at work while the sensible people in the state are at home because their offices are closed today. Hurricane going through, don’tcha know, and all… But the public relations industry MIGHT, just MIGHT miss something really really important. :rolleyes: The roof is leaking. It’s raining like hell and they are forcasting tropical storm force winds (gusts to 60 mph) until 4:00 this afternoon. Oh, and did I mention the parking lot is full of trees? :mad:

I for one would welcome our Martain overlords.

Tupug

12

When you get that pad in the bell tower, I can set you up with a nice collection of high powered rifles…

13

Well, the hockey team lost both games this weekend, and there’s not another home game until November 19. We had the meet-n-greet yesterday, so we met the new players. One of them is from Sweden, and seriously makes me wish I was young enough to be a puck bunny. We watched a video of the “Miss Belief” pagent/fundraiser for the Juvenile Diabetes Foundation, where our player/assistant coach pranced around in a tutu to strains of “Swan Lake” and had us rolling on the floor. He was the pagent winner, so we got to see him crowned by the previous years winner - who is our head coach. During part of the pagent he had to give a little speech on what he had done during his “reign” and he of course mentioned winning the championship. Red lipstick looks really weird with a full beard.

Today I start washing walls to prepare to paint them. Ain’t I lucky.

14

Was anyone gouged by a utensil? If not, then the women weren’t quite at the rabid point in their cycle…

Glad you liked it; it is very easy to make.

Househunting is a horrible thing–the only thing worse is trying to sell the house you live in.
I am sitting here very :mad: :mad: :mad: .

We had a toaster that lasted for 16 years (Oster). It finally died (I was sick of it about 5 years ago, but we truly couldn’t afford to replace even such a small appliance for non-utilitarian purposes 5 years ago. Anyway, I digress). Bought a new toaster, (Oster again) that looks vaguely Jetson-like with rounded corners and brushed chrome. It has various settings and a cool blue light.

Anyway, I worked all weekend–come to toast a bagel in this toaster this morning and the knob that you push down to lower the bread product is all melted and deformed. Huh? AND the friggin’ mechanism won’t stay engaged so that the bagel can actually toast!

I AM EATING RAW BAGEL!!!
:mad:
Heads will roll…

PS-the alien sounds intriguing. Does she have any questionable personal habits?

15

That’s the other thing I did this weekend: I picked up tickets to the Big Red Freakout - the biggest game of the year, kinda like what Homecoming is at most colleges but since hockey’s much bigger than football at RPI, it’s a hockey game that people go wild over - for 19 people! I think the ticket person nearly freaked out. Fortunately, I was able to smooth things over by saying that they didn’t all have to be together. I thought I was plenty early this year (the game’s in February), but we still got kinda crappy seats anyway. But at least we’re far far away from the pep band! :smiley:

16

We plan on being too busy running from top to bottom yelling “Sanctuary!!! Sanctuary!!!” to need rifles, but thanks! :stuck_out_tongue:

SCL, the term “puck bunny” is so deliciously almost-dirty that I want to be one now. I’m not a hockey fan, but I could become one, and I look good in winter hats.

17

Good job Sean. Thanks for taking up the slack. I’m just not creative enough to come up with something good for the MMP. Besides, I’m a left coastie and the post would be very late by East Coast standards.

The weekend was very busy. Saturday we took the boat out for probably the last time this year. After spending several hours on it, we had to dash to the costume store and the liquor store. We were guilted into going to a Halloween party we didn’t want to go to. At any rate, Mr. Taters and I spent $150.00 on costumes and accessories. I was a Queen of Darkness and he was a Catholic cardinal. The theme of the pary was demons, so I think we did pretty well. If I can get my friends to e-mail the picture they took of us, I’ll post it so you can see us. I was, according to the hubby and my friends, a damn sexy looking demon. I thought the dress was a little snug and there was definately lots o’ cleavage.

Sunday, a friend came over for awhile to game with the hubby. After he left, we rearranged the garage and spent a great deal of time trying to get the boat to fit in the garage. Well, it’s in there, but now I can’t get to my garage through the house. Our original plan was to back it in so the boat prop was in the back corner of the garage and it the boat would sit sorta diagonal with the tongue of the trailer going out the 3rd car part of the garage. Unfortunately, this did not work.
The back wall or corner, where we wanted the prop to sit, is bumped out about two to three feet because there’s a closet on the other side of it. Sigh…
Well, I’m stuck with this until at least March. They doubled the rates at the storage place we were using. I wasn’t going to pay that amount of money for outdoor storage. So, at least the boat will be protected through the winter.

At any rate, after the boat fiasco, we went grocery shopping because Mr. Taters was making dinner for everyone again. He chose a chicken fried steak recipe he found on the internet. He made lotso gravy with it. It was very tasty. Our friends brought au gratin potatoes and a caesar salad to go with it.

I better start work now. So much to do, not nearly enough time…

18

I hate parking boats. Our boat takes up the whole damn garage, sitting there diagonally in all its boatly spendor. And there our cars sit, in the driveway. Getting icy windshields, which have to be scraped off. I have a garage, dammit! I want to get into a snug warm car, not an icy tomb, now that we have achieved Polar North.

And we didn’t even take the thing out this summer.

Boats. Can’t live with 'em, can’t fling them into the street to fend for themselves.

19

Boatly splendor. Although … spend, uh-huh: freudian slip.

20

Good slip though…I sure miss the money that is deducted from account every month for the boat payment. :wink: