So, I was divorced in 2004. I tried to keep in touch with her boys, my step-sons, who were young men by the time it was over, 18 and 15.
So last night the older one calls me. He is 24 now. Going to a truck-driving school in Ft. Wayne for 3 weeks. And he very politely asks if I could loan him some money for food.
My heart melted, how could I say “no” ? We’ve had our difficulties but I can easily afford to give him a C-note or two. If he wants to spend it on hookers and blow, who cares? And as it turns out, I’ll be in Ft. Wayne Sunday so what the hell. Maybe I’ll take him to dinner and get caught up and have a few laughs.
I would proceed cautiously. If you’ve had no contact for 7 years, he must be pretty desperate. Think of all the people who he asked before you for “money for food” who probably said no. There is a reason they said no.
Good for you. He may be playing you or he may not, so what?
Worst case: You are out a few bucks and he laughs at you behind your back. Then he is an idiot.
Best case: A few bucks, and your confidence, gives him the boost he needs to make his life better. That would be awesome. Make it 3 C-notes and tell him it’s because you have confidence in him.
I totally agree, he told me that he already asked his mom and uncle. So I must be his last resort. I remember what kind of kid he was and all the trouble he got into. Heck, he fathered a child at 16 years old.
But hey, maybe he’s changed. If he is still the same guy, so I’m out a little bit of cash. It’s not like he’s conning me out of thousands.
True. I just wouldn’t want him calling me all the time if he’s only after money. But you can cross that bridge if you get to it. It might just be he needs a little help to get back on his feet. And if your gift is that help, you will have done a really good deed for him and his kid.
I don’t buy it. Food? Sorry it’s way to easy to get on food stamps IF and I mean IF you’re really broke. You can get them in a couple of days. Food banks are also pretty easy to access.
Of course there is the possibility the guy is like me, I make just enough to keep me off of food stamps. But then I pretty much eat rice and beans 6 days a week and nothing else.
Under no circumstances loan him money for food. GIVE HIM THE FOOD.
Tell him you want a list of food he needs and you’ll bring it to him. You’ll be able to suss him out
Whether or not you’re conned out of money isn’t the issue. You could be giving that money to someone who’ll appreciate it or someone who will use it for good.
Well, I live in Cleveland, and he’ll be in a hotel in Ft. Wayne, about 5 hours apart. I really don’t care if he spends it on beer and cigarettes, if I “loan” (I do not expect to get it back) him money, it’s his to do with what he wants. One of the problems he had with his mom was that she never let him learn to make a descision, she was a control-freak. This idea of managing how a gift is used runs against my grain.
Besides, he’s an adult now. If a young man politely asks me for money to buy food, when I used to be his step-dad, I’m going to give the request serious consideration. And like I said, what the hell, it’s only money.
It sounds like a good way to re-connect to me, too. My only concern would be as others have said, that he sees you as a new sucker/meal ticket, but you’re going in with your eyes open - I think (hope?) that things will turn out fine.
I’d probably give the kid the money if I could afford it but I’d be inclined to make certain he knows it’s a one time thing-----or not, it’s completely your call. I’m proud of you, for what that’s worth.