Wow, that’s ballsy. But I’d probaby give him the money too - if I could afford it.
Give him some actual food. Don’t give him money for food.
You’re a good man, Bmalion.
:rolleyes: Seriously? This isn’t a wino sitting on the side of the road with a sign. This is someone the OP had a relationship with. Get real.
I agree BMalion is doing the right thing - you don’t turn your back on family.
But there is also legitimate reason to be cautious here. It’s one thing to give somebody some money in a time of need, even with the knowledge that you probably won’t be getting it back. But you don’t want to be setting yourself up as a target. You don’t want to end up having your house robbed (or worse) because you were trying to help a relative. Make sure you keep a reasonably safe distance.
Sorry if I sound paranoid, but there was a situation in my family that arose out of something like this and ended extremely badly.
Good that you are making the re-connection, but be prepared to deal with a whole different scenario when you meet him. In the realm of reasons people might need money it’s highly unlikely he’s actually out of food, or that his mom etc. will not loan him money for food. It’s highly probable there’s something else he really needs the money for. If he’s tapped out offer your hand, but be sure it’s not for drugs.
If things are not poison with your ex it might be worth having a conversation with her about how he’s doing before he comes over. If he’s really busted out there might be other things you need to know about his situation in order to best help him.
I agree with Astro; ask the ex what’s going on and why she wouldn’t give him the money. He could have a drug habit that you’d be supporting, or it could be that he really needs the money for food. Best to know ahead of time.
Bmalion I admire you and would likely do the same thing. For the same reasons. I can afford it, I would view the loan as a gift and I would not care how he spent it. (Also, a somewhat selfish reason, it would make me feel good.)
But I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to ask your ex for a little insight.
I hope you enjoy your visit when you two catch up this weekend.
Thanks to Khadaji for saving me a lot of typing time!
I, too, would be really curious to see what the ex has to say. That might help size up the situation as far as getting two sides of the story and better helping you help him.
Also, I am nosy.
Not a good idea. We have no communication at all, she is filled with anger and bitterness and would not speak a word to me. as for not helping her own offspring, that is par for the course.
I am however, good friends with her identical twin sister, who’s husband is one of my best friends, whose kids still call me “Uncle Brian” I’ll be visiting this weekend in Ft. Wayne, thus the confluence.
I’m not sure any situation he is in would surprise me. His younger brother has spent the last few years in and out of jail due to drugs and crimes. Maybe we can connect, maybe not.
It doesn’t sound like you have any idealistic notions about getting the family back together and he’ll pay you back, blah blah blah. I’ve given gifts of money to people important in my life, even though they said they’d pay me back they didn’t, but that wasn’t the point. I think calling his aunt to find out what’s going on with him lately would help out immensely. The money could be for a drug habit, but it could be something as basic as he doesn’t want to ask Mommy to bail him out, and asking her would seem shameful. In my family if I really truly needed emergency money I would ask my mom for it, but never my dad.
I say give him the money AND buy him some food. If things go well and he’s in a motel for a few weeks maybe some cheap Wal*Mart cutlery, dishes, and a can opener.
I was planning on talking to his aunt and uncle all weekend before I see him. And I was also planning on taking them all out for dinner Sunday night.
You’re a great guy!
If you can afford it;
If there are no strings attached;
If you don’t expect to see the money back;
Why the hell not? Worst case you’re out a little money and you learn something about your stepson. Best case you actually help him out and the world is a better place.
You’re a good man. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you all, just give me a moment to get something out of my eye, I will get back on this Tuesday.
Bmalion, you are one of the good guys!
Yeah, he might still be up to his nefarious ways. As others have said tread carefully and try to get a feel for whats really up.
However, 24 is still pretty damn young. He may have been a screw up for the past decade or so but IMO he’s just now getting out of the not quite yet a real adult phase. I was never a bad kid or an unmotivated kid or a stupid kid or a kid that hung out with other bad kids and I still shudder to think how clueless I was at that age. It was mostly dumb luck and happening to hang out with the better slice of society that kept my life from taking a possible turn for the much worse.
With this trucker school thing it sounds like he has a plan. Trucking can be an honest and even downright good living for some people. This may or maynot be his thing, but if it isnt at least its decent living that will give him some experience and money and can tide him over till he finds something more suited to him.
Reminds me of something Mark Twain said (paraphrasing here). “When I was 18 I could not believe how stupid my father was. When I was 28 I could not believe how much my father had learned in those passing 10 years”.
Maybe the kids gotta a little Twain in him 
Give him some cash, guidance, and general moral support. It most very likely won’t hurt and it might just “turn his life around”.
Again, your one of the good guys!
Is this uncle the same friend of yours you will be seeing (husband of your ex’s sister)?
Sounds like you are aware of the possibilities. If the guy is really in need, this could be the opportunity to catch up if not reconnect, and give him a good boost to get his life going straight. If not, well you are making an effort and giving him a chance.
Good luck.
Good on ya. You never know when some validation and a couple of bucks can be a tipping point.
I’m 99% sure the money won’t be spent on food. This sounds so much like someone with some sort of drug habit. I’m 99% sure the money will be spent to feed his habit.
What would you do if he said, “I’m addicted to heroin and everyone else has kicked me out. Will you give me $100 so I can continue to get high?” That’s the more likely situation. That’s why people are suggesting you actually give him food. He won’t be able to get wasted on a loaf of bread and some peanut butter.
I urge you to talk to the family first and find out his story. If he’s on his way down because of drugs or alcohol, DO NOT GIVE HIM MONEY. Give him food, support, advice, a shoulder to lean on, whatever but not money. If you give an addict money, you are hindering his recovery.
WTH, make it 5 C-Notes!
Best wishes,
hh