I do not need you on a regular basis in my life. This is one of the reasons why I’m 11 hours away from you and your kin, and this is one of the reasons I don’t call more than twice a month.
To make it plain, you drive me absolutely crazy, and get on my nerves like no tomorrow. Just because you’ve spewed me out of your womb when you were a teenager, and just because you literally drove my biological father out at my tender age of 5 (you told me that he was going off for a vacation. Why the hell did you lie?) does not give you the right to dictate what I do for a living, and how often I must visit home.
I’m not going to lie about it, the fact that you used to beat the living hell out of me until I began to hit back -does- make me less likely to have a positive relationship with you. The fact that one of my other relations had to get 5 stitches when she shielded me from a plank-wielding you -does- make me rather bitter.
Oh, and there was your long string of boyfriends, one of which did things he shouldn’t have, -and- hid food from the family. Turned out that he was only with you because he needed -residency-.
And there was the time after we moved to this country (you told me we were going to be here for 6 months. Again, why the lies?) , and after you tossed me into a boarding school because you didn’t know how to control me without beating me, and I was a little bit too large for that. Oh, and after that stitch-bearing relation died in my first year there? You’ve refused to take me to the ER after a couple of friends finally convinced me that having a large aspirin in your system overnight wasn’t good for you.
You know, I’m still happy that you eventually found an intelligent, nonviolent man who could put up with your bullshit. I’m happy that this man was kind enough to support our family. I’m more than happy that he paid for my college education. The “Go into arts, because you’re not good enough for anything else” comment, I could go without.
You, throwing a fit when I went on antidepressants, because “they were not natural and would ruin me for life”, I did not appreciate. You know what, I went on them anyway. Probably one of the better decisions of my life, no more panic attacks. You know something else? I’m still on them now, and it sure as hell beats having crying spells and crazy mood swings every day. You know the type, you’ve got them too.
Yes, I realize that you’re family, and we’ve got to stick by family no matter what. But the emotional and physical abuse, I could go without.
You, missing my college graduation because you were ‘trying to get pregnant’ abroad, I could go without.
You barely mentioned anything about my second college graduation, but that was only to be expected.
And I still respect you, because of your academic achievements and because you actually grew up in the last 6 years or so. I’m certain that you wouldn’t beat the living shit out of my baby sibling, because you realize how badly you’ve screwed up with me. From what I hear, you only rarely go off on innocent store clerks because you can’t get your own, too. This is good.
I’m also engaged to a wonderful, sweet, hard-working man whom I guarantee you would’ve hated from the beginning, if you knew how badly off his parents were. You know something else? He worked from the age of 14, he went to college, and he pulled himself solidly into middle-class by his boot-straps. Or whatever the hell the expression is. He was also one of the many factors that convinced me that you weren’t -healthy- for me.
Bottom line? Visiting you is one of the worse times of my year. Talking to you on the phone makes me depressed for the rest of the day. I’ll keep up this relationship, just because you’re family, and just because that’s how world works, from where I’m from. But don’t expect to spend any time with your grand-kids.
… Yeahh. Count this the one and only rant, which was long overdue. I’m not exactly angry at her anymore, just sorta bitter.
If you guys have bits of wisdom to share about loosening ties with abusive family members, do drop a line.