I am the oldest of two kids. My mom isn’t married and doesn’t work. She quit her job a year or so ago and has been living on an inheritance. I’m 23 and I’m a single mom and college student. My brother is 19 and is a drug addict (he does heroin, meth, xanax, pot, and who knows what else). He dropped out of high school and I don’t think he’s ever done so much as fill out a job application, let alone work a day in his life. He still lives with my mom and she supports him, and his drug addiction, 100%.
I’ve been going through a rough time lately… my ex/daughter’s dad, who I remained close friends with for several years although we haven’t been together, went psycho on me recently and I was just granted a permanent restraining order, and he was charged with domestic violence. My family is very small and has a LOT of issues, and the only people I have truly considered my family is my mom and brother. My brother has been getting progressively worse. He’s been in and out of rehab, and is now facing jail time unless he goes back into detox, but he refuses to go. He is so messed up all the time that I can’t even talk to him anymore… because he isn’t the same person at all (I used to consider him my best friend). Every day that I talk to my mom, she’s giving my brother her car keys and debit card to go get drugs (and he’s already had two DUIs), and she swears every time that it’ll be the last day…and then she says it again the next day, and so on. I found out recently that she was actually smoking the heroin with my brother, but she tells me that she’s kicked it on her own (and she doesn’t seem to be high or anything, she just drinks). I had been relying on her to watch my 1 1/2 year old daughter while I go to my classes in the evenings, and after hearing about the craziness that goes on there while I’m gone, I’ve realized I can’t take my daughter there anymore…as it’s incredibly toxic. This means I have to drop my classes this semester, because I have no other options for childcare. I can only get assistance with daycare for hours that I’m working, and no other family or anyone is willing/able to help, and all the daycares I’ve contacted me would charge me the same amount I pay in rent each month, which I can’t afford. So I guess I’m going back to work at some low-paying job full-time, putting my daughter in daycare, and hopefully I’ll be able to go back to school at some point, although I don’t know when that’ll be.
Because of all the circumstances, I’ve been feeling especially depressed and pretty lonely. Two of my close friends just moved out of state, and two have ridiculously crammed schedules and I rarely get to see or talk to them. One friend simply has started avoiding talking to me (or so it seems) which I assume is because how awkward our last conversations have gone. When I told her what was going on, she didn’t seem to have anything to say. I hate sounding so negative when I talk to people, but I guess that’s just become my reality lately.
Sometimes when I really feel like I need to talk to someone or have some company, I call my mom to see if she’d like to get together or have breakfast or something, but she’s always so wrapped up in my brother’s chaos (she has to go find him after he’s gone MIA with her car, or she’s breaking up a fight between him and his friend, or she’s trying to get one of his homeless tweaker friends to stop living in their basement, etc.)
I’m very hurt, but I’m starting to feel myself becoming angry at my mom. She can be so supportive (i.e. she paid for my lawyer when I had to go to trial for the domestic violence stuff) but I need her support so badly right now, but all of her energy goes to my brother. I just feel like I’m trying so hard to do the right things in my life… for the sake of my little girl. And my brother is just pissing away all these opportunities that he’s being handed. It doesn’t feel fair at all, and I don’t know how to handle the situation. Sometimes I feel like I’d be better off cutting ties with them completely…but then I’d really have no one at all
Sorry for rambling.