My best and really only friend in the world killed himself last june, I spent the entire day trying to talk him out of it, but in the end he managed to outrun me and my friends and drown himself.
My e-mail adress is g-hrafn@visir.is and feel free to use it if you need to talk to someone who’s been where you are right now. It’s going to hurt for a long time, but talking about things has helped me.
My thoughts are with you linolium.
And turning your clock to 4:20 all the time (if you know what I mean) only delays the pain.
You’re getting sent a virtual truckload of care and well wishes right now.
In 1993 I lost three of my best friends in the space of six months. One put a shotgun under his chin, one was murdered and one was head on-ed by a drunk driver.
I came within millimeters of having a pretty significant meltdown because they all took me by surprise, and I was really afraid to develop or maintain connections with anybody because, hey, they’re just going to vanish out of my life too, right?
I got better with time, but I still miss Skip, David and Jake terribly from time to time. There are still times that something good will happen and I think “I need to call David. He’ll dig this” or “I’m going to be in Philly; I need to hook up with Jake.” It’s weird how they’re still with me.
I’ve come to accept that though, and you will too. Give yourself time, don’t be afraid/ashamed to cry your eyes out any time you feel the need and make sure you let the healing process happen however it needs to for you. It’s different for all of us, but we all get through it if we let ourselves. Yes, it leaves a scar that never goes away, but that scar hurts a lot less than the open wound you’re dealing with now.