He’s been on dialysis for about a year now and the doctor’s say he could die at any time from heart failure. He’s been a very good friend of mine since high school and we’ve kept in touch over the years although I haven’t seen him for quite awhile. After visiting with his wife and 3 kids while they were down in my area (they live about 6 hours away) she told me how bad things were getting and that if I wanted to see him before he passes on, I’d better do it soon.
The next day I called him and he wasn’t home so I left a message telling him I’d like to come up with some of our other mutual friends and visit. I never heard back and called again saying the same thing. He still hasn’t called back and I’m concerned that maybe he doesn’t want to see me in the condition he’s in.
Should I continue to call him? I can understand how he feels if he doesn’t want us to see him this way but he’s my friend and I love him and would like to see him before he dies. I just don’t know what to do.
Go. If you don’t, when he passes you will always be saying what if I had gone. if he doesn’t want to see you once you are there, then you have done all you can.
Sorry to hear about your friend. One of my uncles died last year while on dialysis. I found out months after he died. Anyway, the advice to contact your friend’s wife first is good. Otherwise, be prepared to be turned away if you just show up. A 6 hours drive doesn’t sound too bad for a friend. Good luck.
I’m also sorry to hear about your friend. I say go. Even if he doesn’t want to see you, I say go anyway. Unfortunately this might be the last time you will ever see him again. I hate to say this, but I think it’s unfair of him to deny you, because of the circumstances.
Thanks for your responses. I will try to call his wife and maybe I will even call him again and leave a message telling him the truth. I want to see him before he dies. I just hope he can set aside whatever feelings he’s having and let me come see him.
dreamer, it’s entirely possible your friend could be at a point where he simply doesn’t want to deal with anyone or the world. He may be depressed (understandable under the circumstances), and/or be afraid of depressing others because of his circumstances. This may change, depending on what his wife’s said, but I’d call, leave a message, let him know you love him, and that you’re there for him when he’s ready.
Depression is not an easy thing to set aside, but kind words can penetrate even the depths of it.
Anyway, the advice to contact your friend’s wife first is good. Otherwise, be prepared to be turned away if you just show up. A 6 hours drive doesn’t sound too bad for a friend. Good luck.