Reading this thread has made me realize that I would never dare to touch a stripper at a club, let alone put my mouth on her–I mean, just think how many pathogens must be communicated that way! What a totally unsanitary profession! No way! Lesson to the ladies: marry a man with a disease phobia.
On a more serious note, I would say that the ability to separate sexual acts from any sort of emotion is pretty normal for males. To us, as Stranger on a Train noted, orgasm is not much more inherently “personal” and “intimate” than urinating. That’s why the fact that a man has sex with you doesn’t mean he loves you, or even likes you. And it’s why a man can do what DoperChic’s husband did and not feel that he is being unfaithful.
It seems many women feel very differently about these matters. Whenever there’s a profound difference of opinion, it isn’t wise to assume that the other person understands your point of view. Both partners in this marriage seem to have made some naive assumptions about the other’s perspective. Without being able to hear both sides in the dispute, that’s all I can really say.
As for what is normal and/or acceptable behavior for men, I suspect that those who say many or most men aren’t really “wired” for sexual monogamy are right. But the nice thing about our liberal society is that you aren’t expected to promise yourself exclusively to someone if you don’t want to. A man who marries a woman and promises to forsake all others should be held to that promise as long as the marriage lasts. Honoring a solemn oath even if it’s hard is right in line with my concept of masculinity, and I would hope with most people’s.