i have been married for about a month and a half without knowing that my husband got two private lap dances from a stripper four days before or wedding. i found out about five days ago.
i had to find out for myself, i didn’t want to but i did.
now all i can think about is him wanting and enjoying a naked girl all over him with her tits in his face and him touching her ass.
why would i be okay with a woman talking to my man about the gym before pleasing him and arousing him.
i mentioned no strippers, my mistake i should have said fuck the strippers and said no lap dances, which i didn’t even think about because i’ve never been to a strip club before.
why would he want this? he said there was a little peer pressure, but they dont talk or walk or touch for him.
at first he didnt apologize or even admit that he did it until i asked about the fourth time.
i had to mention him not apologizing which made him apologize obviously. :smack: it’s because he wasn’t sorry, he enjoyed it.
i trusted him 100%, we even had a long distance relationship.
now all i can think of is the worst and he lied about that so god only knows what really happened. he expects me to believe that it didn’t go any further than this? well i do believe him but it still pops up in my head. i consider this cheating.
i give him PLENTY of attention so there was no need for him to go off and do this even if it were his bachelor party in my eyes.
besides, when the strippers know that there is a bachelor they ruin him.
not one but TWO… why the second. why one. i just cant get passed it and i’m going to have to end up going to marriage counselling
As penance for LOLing, I’ll offer a couple thoughts: sweetemotion, these are your feelings, and you have a right to them, even when some people - as they sometimes will - try to tell you that your feelings are inappropriate (and as you’ve no doubt guessed, some will mock you, but that’s the webs for you).
I do think that some guys figure that anything that happens before the “I do” isn’t really cheating, not that many would admit to that. Not saying they’re right or wrong, just saying. It’s possible that this is the farthest he’ll ever stray.
And if you feel like you can’t get past it, that’s a perfectly legitimate reason to try marriage counseling, I’d say. Good luck.
Yes, your fiance screwed up big time. You asked him to stay away from strippers and he didn’t. You have every right to be upset.
Remember you just found out about this five days ago. Give yourself a little time to think about how you feel. Don’t rush into a decision. Getting counseling is a good idea.
It was a bachelor party. These things happen. As others have said, give it some time. See how good he is at being married before you make any serious decisions.
mmm
Channel your and his conflicted feelings into a positive action. Give him a lapdance yourself. If he’s into it, enjoy your evening. If he isn’t, then he likely wasn’t when the strippers did it to him either. Either way, it’s a win for you (and possibly him).
Correct punctuation and capitalization are your friends.
Yes, you have a right to your feelings, but feelings are by their nature irrational. To my mind:
He didn’t fuck the stripper.
He married you so obviously still loves and cares about you.
If this isn’t part of a pattern of behavior, I say put on your big girl thong and move on. If it were me in the situation, I’d ask why he didn’t tell me.
If it is part of a pattern of behavior where he ignores your wishes and requests, then yes, get counselling. For both of you.
You have to realize that he only did it because he found her more attractive and sexually appealing than you are. I’m sure they didn’t have sex, although she likely gave him a blowjob, but to a stripper that’s no more intimate than a handshake.
There’s only one way out of this yuuge problem. Quickly become an alcoholic and heroin addict to ease your pain. Then decide the best way to recover your womanly integrity is to become pregnant, preferably by a neighbor, not your husband. During the pregnancy, do NOT try to curb your drug & booze habits.
Soon you too can be on Geraldo or whatever equivalent show is au courant.
I think your best bet is a killing spree. Snuff him, then his friends, then the strippers…according to Emily Post there is no time at which kill sprees are inappropriate.
OP, you seem to have some self-esteem issues. From what I know most lap dances are a girl dancing around/on a guy, but the guy can’t touch. It seems to be a rite of passage in some circles of guys. I really don’t see the appeal myself but it happens at both bachelor and bachelorette parties.
But look at the big picture, I’m assuming they didn’t kiss, they didn’t have sex, they aren’t in contact, he probably doesn’t know her name or will ever see her again. He married you. It was a stupid and insensitive thing to do but I’d honestly just let it go but keep your eyes open from now on. Trust, but verify. Like GrumpyBunny said, if it’s an ongoing pattern of behavior then you’ve got a problem. If it was a bachelor party type thing and no sex really happened then forget about it.