don’t think it’s that bad… you have us here at the sdmb.
**Sven, **
I’ve had a lot of big downs (though not as bad as 4 brothers with MD! whoa !) and also a lot of huge ups.
I know that sometimes when you are down, it is good to take a deep breath and look around and be thankful that life isn’t as bad as others have it.
Other times, this means nothing. It’s your life that matters, not others. I understand how hard it can be to pull yourself out of this. I’ve been there. I won’t list the things that have happened to me, to prove my credentials, I’ll just share with you the discovery I made about myself. I hope it helps you.
True happiness comes from within. Until you can understand that, you will always be at the mercy of chance. You have to find it inside yourself. It will be hard at first, but it will come easier with time, and happiness attracts itself, so that the happier you become, the more things to be happy about will come your way. Happiness is an extension of being content. I don’t think you can be truly happy until you are content within yourself. Think about yourself, then think about others.
Yes, you will still have moments of unhappiness, everyone does. It’s up to you to ensure that they are not the focal points in your life, and can be managed, no matter how harsh the manner in which it comes.
Feel free to ignore everything I wrote, however it is something I’ve learnt the hard way, so you may want to take it for a test drive 
It can’t make your life worse to consider what I’ve said, can it ?
All the best, **Sven, ** and I hope you arrive at a point where you can be mildly amused at your OP.
That what does not kill you, only delays the inevitable
Sorry to subject you all to this. I know that I need to see a proffessional, and I know that in all likelyhood the only thng that can help me is drugs. This isn’t something that is going away. I’ve felt like my whole life. After twenty years of it I’ve finally relialized that this is something I will always have to live with. My mom still feels like this at forty. The only reason my Grandma doesn’t feel like this is because she has drugs to help her through. Depression runs in my family, and I know its got me, too.
I just get these incredible lows. I’ve been okay for a while (last winter I hit serious rock bottom) until recently when I’ve been hitting some pretty bad mini-lows. I just feel like I’ve been running just one step ahead of a crash, and I’m running out of breath.
I need help, but I whenever I am doing okay, I don’t feel that I need it. And whenever I am not okay I’m too down to do anything- much less something positive. I’m also a little scared of the drug factor. I guess I feel that this depression is part of my heritage- a birthright and a curse. I don’t know if it is right to screw with it.
Anyway, I’m doing a lot better now. Even had a few good moments today. I’ll be alright.
Just as a little FYI - Cognative/behaviour therapy has the same overall success rate in treating depression as drug therapy (About 66%).
If you are worried about taking the drugs (which you are perfectly entitled to be), perhaps you could consider this route as a first alternative.
As a student, you probably have access to this kind of service through your school - ask someone.
Please hang in there. My mom has suffered from clinical depression, and it was heartbreaking to lose her for a while (I mean she wasn’t herself, not that she died). Things will get better.
Al.
More of my opinions (I got lots to spare) - go to the doctor, get a mild antidepressant. In my experience, one of the things that being depressed or anxious does to you is makes you not want to get help for it. I don’t know why, but I always feel like that myself. Then I go to the doctor, they prescribe what my body needs, and I feel better and wonder why the hell I didn’t go months ago. Give yourself a break and get the medicine your body seems to need. Don’t be scared of the drug factor; the antidepressant I take is very mild, with almost no side effects, and it gives me just enough lift that I can pull myself the rest of the way up to quasi-normal. You can do it on your own, but why hoe such a tough row when you don’t have to?
Glad to hear that. I hope things get better for you. Keep your head up.
**SVEN **- TAKE your ASS right now down to your doctor’s office and demand help.
You have seen what depression has done to your family.
Get yourself help RIGHT NOW.
Don’t let it ruin a better part of your life because you are afraid of drugs or whatever it is holding you back.
Are you afraid of being happy or feeling normal?
If you are chemically imbalanced, it is beyond your control.
But you can bring yourself back into balance with medication and therapy.
( I am not overly fluent on this measure, but I am sure other dopers can fill you in on medication that is out there.)
WHAT are you sitting there for? Pick up the phone and make an appointment.
I expect you to report back here with news you did as I said.