I feel compelled to share at least some of my life as it relates to God.
Well throughout most of my later childhood while I did go to church I didn’t attend services as I was kind of frightened of some of the biblical accounts (such as that of the Flood) and didn’t really believe in God. Instead I stayed outside. Well my father is Christian but he never strongly pressured me although he did push me gently from time to time and my mom is Buddhist (well we’re Korean-Americans so it isn’t too surprising). However gradually around two or three years ago as I increasingly began to know of God I inched closer toward salvation.
Finally around two years ago (I think) I got saved. Of course I was ignorant of most doctrine and I was reluctant to attend church because it seemed awkward to suddenly attend services. At the same time I struggled with various sins. About a year ago though after the church split up my dad moved to a new church founded by many members of the first church and I, starting from scratch, began attending services there. Slowly my pattern of sinning decreased and I began learning more about theology and the Gospel and began reading the Bible and praying constantly. However at the same time I have been worried and frightened whether I’m not truly saved because I wondered if I had truly understood the Gospel and salvation when I was saved two years ago and the fact that I had no distinct memory of my salvation. I also agonized over the fact that I rarely had communion with God (although I know I’ve had that communion sometimes) despite what Rev. John MacArthur said:
I’ve also been concerned that my church is weak doctrinally speaking and that I can’t stay focused on God.
I spent the first 18 years of my life praying to God begging for various things. I find it ironic in a depressing sort of way that so many of my peers were praying for god to take away their sexual desire for their female peers when I was praying for any sort of reaction that would prove I thought girls were hot. But nothing came. I went to youth group every Friday, I lectored at mass, I was an altar server as soon as I was eligible, I prayed the rosary once a week and every day during lent, I knew the bible better than anyone in my class. Everyone figured I’d join the seminary when I went to college. And I’ve never been moved by the spirit. I’ve never felt god’s presence, I’ve never seen a vision or spoken in tongues or anything. Eventually I just stopped because what’s the point of spending a huge chunk of my day praying when I get nothing out of it. If there is a god, he’s a sadist because of the crap I went through and the pain I suffered that he could have ended if he so chose but instead he absented himself from my life; so I absent myself from him.
(I know now, that the reason I felt nothing because there was nothing there to feel but indoctrination from a very young age in catholicism doesn’t go away overnight.)
Dude, you are what, 13? 14? Something like that. You haven’t even reached your later childhood yet. You’re barely a teenager. You’ll have the rest of your life to be an adult. Enjoy youth before that sweet bird flies away forever.
And for homework, go google the vague reference in the preceding line. You could maybe write a paper about it for school sometime.
Because I felt this was witnessing and Great Debates is where witnessing threads go. I meant to post a note explaining that, but I was busy with other things.
This is the forum for witnessing, too. That said, I don’t intend to debate against your OP; only if you or someone else starts a debate will I engage in that.
I am currently deciding if I want to relate the history of my experience with religion as well. It doesn’t involve much devotion on my part though.
You’re wrong abut that, Curtis. You are a child. A smart child, and one that I suspect is going to go far in life, but still a child. As I’ve told you before, you do not have all the answers. For that matter, you simply do not have the life experience to even understand all of the questions. You can’t vote, you can’t drive, you can’t buy alcohol or tobacco, and you probably don’t have to shave very often. Just loosen the hell up and be a kid while you still can. That’s all I’m saying.
And don’t give me that bullshit about “it’s the old testament, we don’t have to listen to it anymore!”
Luke 16:17
Timothy 3:16
Mark 7:10 & Matthew 15:4-7 (Precedent, Jesus encouraging parents killing their children.)
And if you really like that Jesus Guy, John 10:35.
Why do you trust your judgement of doctrine over your pastor’s?
Look Curtis, I have my own ideas about why you can’t stay focused on God, but rest assured that this is a very common problem among young Christians. Isn’t there someone at your church or larger organization you can talk to?
Since this is a place for witnessing I gues I might as well go ahead and share my childhood experience.
When I was a child lo these many years ago I prayed regularly to the Great One, Super Nintendo, the one true blessed being above all. I spent many months studying the teachings of the great ones such as Street Fighter 2 and Super Mario World. Mostly though I studied Street Fighter 2 for I found his wisdom most profound and enlightening. I studied and studied and prayed and had many sessions of looking inward pondering what the prophet SF2 was trying to teach me. I turned to Ken, Blanka and Chun Li (Chun Li mostly for the boob she showed when she won and would raise one arm in victory) with my questions and their guidance.
Then one day my brain awoke and enlightenment fell upon me and upon that day I finally beat that son of a bitch M. Bison.
I was struck by the references you made to “sinning”, and admit a certain curiosity as to what you are referring to. It seems to me that you are expressing a great deal of guilt for one so young, and wonder whether what you consider “sinning” others might consider “being a normal adolescent with all the craziness that engenders.”
I realize that in certain Christian traditions being “saved” is presented as some grand event that is obvious and changes you forever, but I suspect that this is more often the exception rather than the rule. I find it inconceivable that a loving god would base salvation on such an unusual event, particularly for one as young as yourself.
From what I’ve read of your writings here on the message board your are quite remarkable and exceptionally mature for your age. Since you have this extra intellect and maturity this may make you feel that you should hold yourself to a higher standard than others, or to quote uncle Ben “With great power comes great responsibility”. This is fine up to a point, but I would recommend cutting yourself some slack. Wisdom, faith and experience will come in time and you shouldn’t beat yourself up over the fact that they haven’t caught up with the rest of your abilities.
In closing, the above are the musings of a 39 year-old Methodist turned atheist, who still has a soft spot for religion, and was once an exceptional 13 year old. I have no right or authority to offer such advice, so take what you will and throw the rest away. It’s your life and you’re the one who needs to figure out muddle through it.
I didn’t get baptized and join the local Baptist church which severely pissed off my Mom and Dad. That took a lot of balls on my part back in the mid 60s. :eek:
