I have almost completed my magnum opus. Today, I convinced a few more people. Soon, everyone on planet Earth will know Lord Ashtar as the biggest asshole ever to grace the world with his presence. Alas, I am running out of shitty things to do. Anyone have any suggestions?
Ashtar, would you mind expanding on that so we can help you to not do assholish things?
OPs like this. Lots of them.
Haj
Convinced them to do what?
Snoopy, I think he means “convinced them of the truth of something,” not “convinced them to do something”. From the context, it would seem that he convinced them that he was an asshole.
Ashtar… It’s your mission in life to be world famous as / known to all as a major asshole? Why? And how are you going about it?
Something involving monkeypox, the Monkeyman, and the movie The Wild World of Batwoman.
I think Ashtar was being sarcastic, he’s saying that he inadvernantly does shitty things and as a result people think of him as a asshole.
Lord Ashtar may say he’s an asshole, but I need proof. I’m an asshole and a card carrying member of the American Asshole Syndicate (AAS). Sure it doesn’t spell “ass”, but it sounds like it, so fuck off. I need to see this guy’s union card.
I’d post more, but I have to get in my beemer and drive 45 mph in the left lane of the interstate while I flick cigarette butts out the window.
Don’t forget to use your windshield washers so the guy behind you gets sprayed. Just trying to help.
Start kicking puppies and stomping kittens. That really makes one look like an asshole. Also, talk using a really bad English accent.
u cud use stupid spelling & put the apostrophe’s in the wrong place’s.
Hey, where are your whale-skin hubcaps?
Okay, it was sarcasm. Aslan2 pretty much nailed it. I’d post more, but one of them may be lurking around SDMB today.
“What’s your name?”
“Asshole, sir. Major Asshole.”
“How many Assholes we got on this ship?”
Entire crew stands up.
“SIR!”
Ava
Add gobear to the list. Over in Eve’s thread about Southern Baptists, he had this to say:
One more down, several billion left to go.
While you’re at it, why not drive halfway down two lanes?
Just a thought…
Be second or third in line at a red light, hand poised over the horn. The very moment the light changes, honk.
Drives people nuts.
Be very very white and blast gangsta rap.
Or Ride of the Valkyries.
… Ya know, it’s amazing how many of these involve cars.
Lo-Rider SUV on those extended wheels. And armor plate. And fins and spoilers.
Go stand in an elevater but, here’s the tricky part, face every one else, instead of the door, you see…
Not really as hole ish, but it sure makes people nervous! 
Go to your local supermarket, and start seeing how far you make a grocery cart go with one strong push. Esp fun if some elderly women and young kids are used as obstacles to aim around. (I’m not gonna tell someone to hit old people! Ass hole!)
Using your friend’s phone, call up someone for an hour straight, each time asking, “IS this Joe’s Mule Barn?” in a dumb guy voice. You get two for the price of one! (cause your friend’s phone is gonna get turned off!)
[Marge Simpson Voice]
No, your life’s goal was to be on the gong show and you did it in 1977, remember?
[/marge simpson voice]