Inspired by this thread title
The entire world had a vote and it turns out we unanimously hate you. Or God calls you up and says you alone are messing up his enjoyment of earth. Whatever the reason, you’ve got three months to change the world for the worse before you die.
Do you litter more? Donate all your funds to Westboro Baptist Church? Commit small scale terrorism? Hand out free heroin? Start some fires? Your personal ethics and morals are gone, and a bitter, scheming shell of a person is all that remains. Use your inner sociopath. What do you do?
P.S. Answers like “I wouldn’t harm anyone as I peacefully pass from this realm to the next” are no fun. If you lack the capacity for evil, feel free to start a sister thread about how much good can be done.
Eek. This is really hard. I think the “baddest” I could be is theft. Just outright ballsy theft of whatever I want - pretty jewelry, groceries, big screen TV…
Yeah, wimpy answer. Even though I know stealing hurts everyone (through increased prices, loss of jobs, etc.), it doesn’t feel like it. But I don’t think I could directly cause knowing harm to a person even if I was given a free pass to do it. I’m a wuss.
No doubt about it: my inner sociopath would send me around to all my female acquaintances who sport hair choices that I strongly disagree with, and I’d lay it all out for them. In words of one syllable.
I sit there in church and look at the back of her head. Why does she do that? It’s a mystery.
There’s no limit. I would stand on the left side of the escalator, letting my bags rest on the right side, at lunch, in a big city. Then, at the top of the escalator, I would just stand there, wide stance, arms akimbo, thinking about where I’d want to go next.
Then I’d get on a crowded bus and call my doctor on my cellphone to talk about my digestive problems, the color, smell and heft of my stools, remark on some discharge and hang up.
I would proceed to a fast food restaurant where I would get to the front of the line of twenty people and ask “is that good?” about every item, asking if I could get it WITHOUT one or two ingredients. I would ask for the special toy for children under three, a job application, nutritional information and a blind menu.
On my way home I would START crossing a street when the light turned yellow, holding my hand out to stop drivers from running me over while I was on the phone.
My phone call would continue into my car, where I would take a minimum of twenty tries to get out of my ample parallel parking spot. I would drive two miles under the speed limit to the expressway, where I would get in the left lane, make a call, text some people and sort of straddle two lanes for approximately fifty miles.
While I like the vigilante justice thing, there would actually be some good coming out of that, so it doesn’t strike me as pure evil. Instead, I’d vote Republican, cashout my 401K and donate it all to the GWB presidential library, and hand out free copies of Anne Coulter and Michael Savage books to all and sundry. Now that’s evil. And for any Dopers from the other side of the aisle, you can do the same, just substitute “Democrat”, “Bill Clinton”, and “Michael Moore and Al Franken” in the appropriate places above.
Acting like a complete and utter arse hole would get you killed within a week, which is all it would take me to be really fucking obnoxious as I’m almost there already
Kidnap several young attractive blonde girls and lead the police on a long chase, leaving out hope that she is still alive, then when captured, give an exclusive interview to Nancy Grace to put her ratings through the roof.
I really disagree. Chicago seems to be filled to the gills with assholes, and yet they hold down jobs, have families, and are respected pillars of the community.
Pull out my cellphone at the movies and give a running commentary of everything that’s happening, pausing only to shout advice to the characters onscreen.
Go the the express checkout with two carts full of groceries. Pay with pennies. When I’m two pennies short, try to pass a third party check with no ID.
Go the city swimming pool at peak hours and urinate in it. I don’t mean get in the pool, either.
Go to Taco Bell and stand at the counter going “uuuuummm” for ten solid minutes. Then ask if they have any pizza.
Send a box of delicious donut to the old folks home. An hour later, send Polaroids of me “wearing” those donuts.
Set up an ice cream stand across the street from a weight loss center.
Go to a chinese buffet and eat at the buffet table. With my fingers.
Get a job at a computer tech support hotline. When people call in with problems, ask if they’ve tried turning their computer off and on. Over and over.
Get a big oversized check and some balloons and knock on doors telling people they’ve won the sweepstakes. Then check my notes and tell them I’m at the wrong house. Ask if I can come in and use Mapquest to find the real winner’s house.
I am genuinely not sure I could bring myself to be nasty in a way that deliberately hurts other people, so perhaps I shouldn’t post. I guess I could spit lots of chewing gum on the sidewalks.
A friend of mine, however, says that if she ever finds out she has a terminal illness, she will drive around the streets of Oxford mowing down as many cyclists as she can. I get where she’s coming from (even though I’m a part-time cyclist too).
I’d go to Florida and steal numerous retiree’s social security checks from their mail boxes and use the money to take thousands of hookers and crack addicts into Disney World. I’d encourage them to make it the “Happiest Place on Earth” by giving unwanted attention to everyone in the park. I’d film everything and put it on YouTube.
I’d start a recycling company that picked up hazardous materials and just dump everything into landfills, reseviors, lakes and streams. I’d charge almost nothing and undercut all the legit businesses in the area.