Hey. I’ve been lurking here for awhile, and now I reeaally need some advice. It’s a little petty… but nothing you all can’t handle, right?
Ok, there’s this guy at school (I’m still in high school) who I met on Sunday. He was being an extra in this awful, awful film we were making for a project. Apparently, he lives near to the friend’s house we were filming at. Anyway, he seemed like a nice guy, and we got along fine. We left for the day as friends.
Then yesterday, he came and hung out me before class. During lunch. After school. Everywhere I went, THERE HE WAS. He even wanted me to come meet his mom! Later that night, he calls me, we talk for a while, yadda yadda yadda. Suddenly, he comes out and asks me to go out with him! I’ve known him for 2 days!! Of course I said no. Today I was trying to avoid him, but he caught me right after 4th period, gave me a hug, and with a smile said that he “loved” me. HUH?! Stalker! And tonight, he called me again. I told him I didn’t want him calling me anymore(as nicely as I could), and we hung up.
Now, I’m sorta freaked. People have told me stories about how he’s desperate for a girlfriend, and that he was doing the same thing to my friend before he found out she had a boyfriend. My friend Kelsy says that she feels “weird vibes” from him. Right now, I just want him to leave me alone.
It definitely sounds like at the very least, this guy doesn’t get how relationships should play out, and you should follow your instincts about him. Continue with telling him that you don’t want to see him or talk to him. If he starts getting scary about it, can you talk to your parents to warn them that this guy is becoming a problem? Are there any mutual friends of yours and his who could slap some sense into him?
If he bothers you again, have your parents speak with his parents. If that does not work, call the police.
Forgot to mention - don’t be nice just because you think you should be that way. Some stalker or clueless guys take that as encouragement. Be straightforward, limit the contact with him to the bare minimum. If he tries to hug you, push him away or say (loudly enough for others to hear) “don’t touch me!”
If he calls, don’t even acknowledge him. Hang up. Tell your folks the same thing, do not contact him, if you see him, ignore him and pretend he doesn’t exist.
Good luck-potential stalker types are creepy.
This is the way chicks handled it in the '60’s…
If you have a Big brother, he confronts the guy and tells him to leave you alone.
no brother? ask one of the Football players you know to tell the guy to to back-off and leave you alone.
either way, Shakespeare will get the message.
Ah, yes, completely reject the socially unacceptable one. That’ll be good for society…
just had to point it out
I don’t think silverlena finds the guy unacceptable. Just his approach. Anyway, what Ferret Herder said.
Wow, could I have bolded more words in one sentence?
I couldn’t help reading that post in the voice of Chandler.
Anyway, you could always just tell him you already have a boyfriend, seems to have worked for your other friend. If he asks for his name just say, um, Dr. Kenneth Noisewater.
I think a name like “Thag” would be more appropriate.
Yes, please do completely reject the socially unacceptable one if she gets creepy vibes from him… I’m a geek and all my friends are geeks, but sheesh.
As for boyfriend-name material, I suggest “Cecil Adams”.
Ah, high school. If all else fails, kick him in the junk. If he still pursues you, enslave him with your feminine wiles, dangling your wanton-goddess personality over him like a ripe carrot before a stubborn ass.
Once you have the leash on him begin recruiting more faithful servants to your cause.
Then move on to Phase 2.
Hmm…whoops. I thought I meant to post that on the Young Evildoers and Ne’er-Do-Wells of America board. Please disregard.
Could he be any more creepy?
Is there any possible chance that she could speak to him plainly, and openly express that:
- She’s not interested, for reasons X, Y and Z,
- Point out to him that his approach is kind of creepy and has bothered others in the past, and
- Give him some pointers for the future, such as “a girl you’ve only known 2 days is not likely to go out with you.”
I’m sure many here will think that he is a stalker-in-training, and that he won’t listen to any of the above (or worse, might take the attention as a sign that she IS interested)…
BUT I was once a very socially inept teenager, with odd quirks that puzzled or put off other people. Had someone merely approached me and told me honestly what about my behavior bothered other people, I might have avoided a lot of hard knocks and cold shoulders (not to mention the “social outcast” low self-esteem).
Golden rule and all that. Just sayin’.
And silverlena, peeps are absolutely right in saying that you DO NOT have to be “nice” to him. You could do the above in a direct, no-nonsense manner without coming off as “nice.”
If he continue to bothers you on campus, absolutely tell a teacher or administrator that you’re uncomfortable with the way he is behaving, especially touching you without your permission (the hug). At home, get mom or dad on the phone to speak with his mom or dad if he keeps calling.
You went against the mainstream in suggesting that, and I for one heartily approve.
The guy’s behavior does not automatically mean that he has a cellar full of past conquests on meat hooks. It could just be that he has a woefully bad approach. I know because I used to be that guy.
The OP might do well to explain to him what he’s doing wrong, and that he has blown his chances with her. She can say it in no uncertain terms, and without being nice. If that only encourages him, then it’s time to get adults involved. But at least the constructive approach will have been tried first.
If he has only had this contact for a few days then he is no stalker. Just sort of a puppy dog. Just tell him to chill and take things slow. He’ll probably meet someone new tomorrow and he be all pestering her.
He asked you out and you said no. He called and you said don’t call back. Has he called back? Does he still follow you around?
Don’t forget that you may have just noticed him more after the short film, and the ‘weird vibes’ thing, well I don’t put much weight on ‘vibes’. What next, will you have someone look at his aura?
Keep us updated please.
Doesn’t not mean it, either. Unless he’s a freezer man.
How about the “get yourself a vascectomy and then we’ll talk” approach?
For those of us who remember high school in terms of decades ago…have you all forgotten how inept you were in high school when it came to dating/falling in love?
Sounds to me like a “normal” high school dude with very little experience in the dating scene.
To the OP - cut the guy a little slack…he probably thinks he is being suave and romantic. However, it looks like it is up to you to set the boundaries here. Put your foot down and tell him to cool his jets.
You sound mature enough to handle this guy on your own, and it might be a good learning experience for you. Trust me, you are going to meet lots of jerks and wackos in the future, so you might as well learn how to deal with them now…(but if he does get any odder, then maybe it is time to call in the troops.)
Wow. I came home from school today, and there were all these posts! Thanks for all the great advice. I managed to avoid him all today, but maybe this wasn’t the best thing. I’ll try some of the advice that was posted.
I’d Just like to point out, I’m not exactly “socially acceptable” either (I’m in marching band, for goodness sake!). I’ve never had a boyfriend before, and I thought he was a very nice guy when I first met him… but I don’t want to jump at having a boyfriend just to have one. I’d like to really be friends first. And all of his behavior has sorta weirded me out…
Anyway, thanks again to everyone for all the great advice! I sorta expected only about one post. If he calls me tonight or follows me again tomorrow, I’ll try some of it out.