My Love Pentagon

I know this is going to be pretty mundane and pointless to most of you, so I’m posting this here. I have to get this out, so to speak, so I can start to make sense of it myself.

I am involved in a love pentagon. That’s right. Not a triangle, a pentagon.

A little background info: I am recently divorced, and got back into the dating scene in March. I met a man that I really liked, (I’ll call him Tony) we became involved, and then poof, it was over. He didn’t want to date a smoker. I moved on and met someone else (I’ll call him David).

David and I had a whirlwind courtship. He fell hard for me and even proposed after only a couple of weeks. I felt things were moving a little fast for that and we slowed things down. Then he started working more and more and didn’t have time for me. I also couldn’t get Tony out of my head.

Over Labor Day weekend, I broke up with David because of the lack of attention. I contacted Tony and we started going out again. Here’s where things start to get interesting. You see, David has money. Lots of money. There is a woman he works with who has wanted him and his money for years. After we broke up, he gave in to her advances.

He and I continued to talk via IM almost every day. After a couple of weeks he told me that he was in kind of a pickle. The woman he was seeing (Janet) told him she was still seeing someone else, and that she was going to continue to do so. She and (Carla) were in love and they wanted David to be a part of a commited three-some. :rolleyes: OOOOkaaaaaaay. This is a new one.

I find out more and more about Tony. I like it all, and some of the stuff he told me would send some women running for the hills. But Tony runs hot and cold. Sometimes it’s like he doesn’t want anything to do with me at all, and other times, he’s crazy for me. Our relationship seems to be purely sexual, even though I would like so much more.

So I started seeing David again. Janet is jealous of me because Carla likes me. She doesn’t know that David and I have started seeing each other again. He doesn’t want to tell her because they work together and things could get ugly. Duh, we are already there. So I’m seeing Tony and David, and Carla wants me, and Janet is in the middle.

Fun, huh? And this is the short version. There is a lot more drama involved. I feel bad because I don’t feel a bit bad about any of it. Does that make me a horrible person. I hope not. I want to be with one, but if I can’t be with him I want the other one. So right now I’m hedging my bets. I’m sure eventually it will all blow up in my face.

Oh my god, that is exhausting.

No, don’t feel horrible about not feeling bad. But, I ask, do you feel good?

Okay, I’m going to take a nap.

Does everyone know about everyone else? Is everyone cool with it? Is anyone actually dating Janet, or just working with her? Unless she’s romantically involved somewhere in this equation where I missed it, then she doesn’t get a vote. If everything is honest and consentual, then don’t drive yourself crazy about it. Will it blow up in your face? Yeah, probably, in some way or another, sooner or later. Most relationships do, statistically speaking. The only thing to do is keep being as honest and open as you possibly can, not only with everyone else, but with yourself. When it’s not working for you, get out.

My dad (in an open marriage for 25 years) once told me that the optimal number of people in any relationship is 0.6. After that, he said, things start to get complicated. Daddy was a math major and a very wise man! :smiley:

There is only one way to solve all of this. You should all just have a big orgy. Hey, it worked in Chasing Amy. Wait, it didn’t? Oh. Never mind then.

trots off

If three people is a triangle and five is a pentagon, what is it when you are totally alone?

Well, as far as I see it (I’ve spent far too long observing friends’ love pentagons and I actually understand who’s with who in this one, so yay me…), Janet doesn’t realise that you’re seeing David and David hasn’t told her because it could potentially upset her. That’s your spark-in-room-of-fumes right there. Does Carla know that you and David are doing the nasty? Does/would she care?

Does Tony know you’re doing David? Does David know you’re doing Tony? Do/would they care?

Tony is using you as a sex toy. As long as you’re okay with that and are happy to reciprocate, go for your life. You broke up with David due to lack of attention. Has that changed? More importantly, does it matter or is it just a sexual thing? Do you mind that he could be potentially having it off with two other women, who are involved with each other?

Re: Carla - do you swing that way/are you willing to risk Janet’s wraith if she discovers you’re with Carla AND David?

Either way, good luck and have fun. In any case, you’ve got someone to keep you busy! :smiley:

Everybody knows about everybody else, but…

…David doesn’t know I’m seeing Tony again, and…

…Tony doesn’t know I’m seeing David again.

Janet is romantically involved with both David and Carla. Janet doesn’t know that David has started seeing me again. She is more worried that I will take Carla away from her.

Waiting for the KABOOM!

Hmm…upon reflection, you could be in for some trouble. As long as they’re not stalking-with-intent-to-harm types, you should be all right after the initial smackdown.

Use condoms, y’all.

And name tags.

A point, I guess. A sad, sad, one-dimensional world.

Have you considered submitting this to one of the soaps?
Seriously, as long as you’re, at least partially, prepared for it to go to hell overnight, I say, live in the moment. :wink:

If Janet is interested in both David and Carla, would she be so mightily unhappy to have to give one of them up? If it was David she had to part with, would she be sorry because of the lost of him or the loss of his money? If she’s of the mercenary bent, then he’s better off without her because she doesn’t value him enough as a person.

There. That’s my hap’orth. Now, does anyone have a cold cloth for my head? I had trouble keeping up with that one.

Keep a diary.

And then, when everything’s over and making sure you change everybody’s name, sell it to Telemundo :slight_smile:

How is David able to see you without Janet knowing? What does “seeing” entail, in this case?

How does Carla know you even exist?

If David works with Janet, and is already involved with Janet and Carla, isn’t there already a potential for things to get ugly even without making Janet aware that he’s seeing you?

When do you sleep?

A point… or pointless, depending on how you look at it.

:dubious:

No, darling. When I said “Does everyone know about everyone else?”, I wasn’t inquiring about their awareness of the existence of each other as carbon-based life forms. I was inquiring about whether everyone knew of the existance of this pentacle of pain. 'Cause that’s what it’s going to be. Your answer isn’t “Yes, but”, it’s a resounding “NO!” And that’s not cool, in so many ways.

I’m all for consenting adult relationships in whatever form they take, but I’m a stickler for informed consent. I don’t need to know the details about who else my husband is seeing and what they’ve done together in the bedroom, but I do need to know that they’re emotionally or physically involved in some way. Some people don’t, and prefer a “don’t ask, don’t tell” approach. But in this day and age, exclusivity is assumed once sexual contact begins, unless otherwise specified. So unless you’ve had a prior discussion with each person, including David and Tony, about keeping your relationships with them non-exclusive, then I cry foul. And given that they personally know one another, fouller still.

I think the five of y’all should find one of those old Victorians and split the rent five ways and each occupy a room.

I’m so disappointed.

Here I was thinking that pimaspinner was getting it on with the Joint Chiefs Of Staff, & I get let down.

In this case, literally.

Shame on you, pimaspinner, for being A Naughty Tease™ toward a major Military-Industrial Complex! :smiley:

It looks like you’re heading towards a set of solutions:

  1. Stay with Tony. It’s all physical, more or less. Try for a relationship with more depth.

  2. Stay with Tony & David. Keep Carla at a distance. Still pretty physical, with more sex, a richer boyfriend, and possibly 2 jealous other women.

  3. Dump Tony and enter into a 4-way with David, Janet & Carla. Way more sex (if you’re into that and Janet doesn’t stick a knife in your back for sleeping with both David & Carla), or less sex, if you’re not into it.

  4. Get Carla to join you and Tony, without telling David and Janet. Heck with a pentagon–go for a pentacle.

  5. Dump both guys and go with just Janet and Carla.