My man is 19 years older than me.....

We have been dating for about six months and it didn’t seem to bother me until two nights ago. He is fifty and I am 31.

We went out to dinner, had coffee, sat and laughed almost all night and then went back to his place to fool around. During us geting intimate in his bedroom, he started tweeking and wasn’t aroused anymore, which has never happened before. He then got up, grabbed his laundry basket and headed for the washer.

Ok, so he was probably embarassed, but he left me hanging… and with no explanation. So ten minutes later I get up, get dressed and go and find him. He said he wasn’t feeling well and that I should go home. So instead of me questioning his request, I got my purse and left, dazed and confused.

Our sex life had been great up until that point. He usually wears me out. Never one complaint in that department. He is a marathoner in the bedroom, but this night, he was tripping on something and didn’t want to discuss it, obviously.

I left his house feeling so weird and insecure about everything, with a million things running though my head, “did I do something wrong”, “why didn’t he want to talk about it”. So he calls me later at my house, about 3 hours after I left, and I told him that I was feeling insecure about what happened and he told me that he again didn’t want to discuss it, and that I was draining him. I got pissed and told him to pretty much go to hell.

So of course, being the kind of person that I am, I emailed him the next morning when I got to work telling him that I couldn’t do this anymore and that his communicaiton skills suck. He didn’t respond, but called me later on in the afternoon, appologizing for not wanting to talk about it.

And now I feel like shit, because he said that he really wasn’t feeling good, and that he had the runs, but he didn’t want to deny a blow job. But he was trying to hard to be into it, and the harder he tried to worse it got, so he got up and didn’t know how to tell me that.

I think I messed this whole relationshipup because of a little misunderstanding.

I definately showed my age in this situation…

Norah Jones knows how I feel.

Hey, you had a disagreement, a misunderstanding. It happens, regardless of the ages of the involved parties. I don’t think that means the relationship’s over, unless that’s what you want it to mean. My two cents.

He does realize that this sort of thing just happens sometimes, right? And so do you? It wasn’t you, and it wasn’t him. Neither of you has a reason to feel bad about it, though his reaction strikes me as a bit extreme. The same thing happened a couple of times with my ex, who has sixteen years on me, but we just shrugged and gave up. Everybody has an off day sometimes, right?

Sounds like communication is the problem here, not sex. I can understand that he was embarassed, but not kicking you out for the night about it.

He was wrong to not give you any explanation at the time. Perhaps understandable due to embarrassment. I imagine he feels under pressure to show he can keep up with your youth.

You were wrong to walk out without even trying to talk about it. Sounds like you were only thinking about how you felt and not about how he felt. Perhaps also understandable in the circs.

The call and email were probably too soon after those events to ever be productive. But he was trying and you were hostile, twice. So frankly I think it’s up to you to make the next move. I agree with whiterabbit, the problem is communication.

Maybe the generation gap is too large for that to work, but you both need to give it a better shot than you have.

20 years older? Jeez! I think the problem here is you need to find some one closer to your age. This guy’s old enough to be your father FCOL. And please don’t write back that guys your age just don’t understand you.

My advice is lose the father figure and find yourself a real relationship.

(go ahead flame away:rolleyes: )

Talk it over and maybe it’ll work out fine. Convert his age to hex he’ll be 32.

He started tweeking? Maybe it was just the methamphetamine.

What is tweeking?

My SO is 50–which puts him at 15 years older than I am, but it’s never been a problem for us and we’ve been together for three years now. My ex was 20 years older, but it felt more like 50 and that was a problem. It depends on the people.

You can’t automatically assume that any problems you have are age related or you’ll sabotage the relationship. This sounds like a simple miscommunication and you should be able to resolve it pretty easily by opening up to each other.

My husband is 16 years older than I and we almost never feel the age difference. It’s only when discussing things like “where were you when JFK was shot”. I wasn’t yet a twinkle in my daddy’s eye…

My husband is my best friend, my soul-mate. He is not at all like a father figure to me and it’s obvious that you have either been able to find NOTHING remotely like this in your life or have found it with someone your own age. If that’s the case, how lucky for you. Someone so closed-minded certainly wouldn’t have found it if you had to step outside you age group.
Narcissus&Goldmund It sounds to me like hurt feelings and embarassment took over the ability to communicate. Don’t write this off just yet. I mean what guy says “no” to a blow job?!?! Maybe this little test will bring you two to the next level emotionally and open new avenues of communication.

I don’t see what his age has to do about it. Runs aren’t age prejudiced :slight_smile:

I’m 16 years older than my s.o., and I agree, it’s not the age, it’s the (lack of) communication. If he’s embarrassed to tell you he has the runs, he’s going to be insecure about other things too. Y’all might can get over this, and you might not.

It can be a bit stressful when you’re the older partner in a relationship. I try harder than I might if I were with a guy my own age, sometimes to my physical detriment. (I don’t want to seem old to my S.O.) That may be what he’s feeling.

Good luck…

First, let me say that my SO is 17 years older than I am. I am also 31.

What do you really want from this relationship? Do you really love him, or is it only about having fun and having sex? Do you feel it a necessity for you to feel desirable that you have to get a rise out of a man? If this is only about the fun of it and the validation of your attractiveness by getting results from him physically, maybe you are better off finding someone closer to your own age.

My SO had not been with a woman for the couple of years before getting involved with me. During our sessions, he would initially be aroused, but could not maintain it. The harder he tried, the worse it would get. I suspect that “the runs” was just an excuse for you or else he would have told you that then and there on the spot. My SO also thought it might be many other things causing it before he would admit to himself that ED was what was really the problem.

ED is a very difficult thing for a man. He does not understand how it could happen. He doesn’t realize it is normal - 50% of all men over 40, even very healthy ones who have no other problems experience ED. He feels very betrayed by his own body. He feels like half a man. These are all very difficult feelings. Most men are not that in touch with their emotions and being that it was the first time he was experiencing them, it is no wonder he didn’t know how to verbalize them, especially if he didn’t know how you would respond. I completely understand his reaction - and his further unwillingness to talk to you since you didn’t seem particularly comforting and understanding of the situation.

I say, evaluate what you really want from this relationship. If you want real love, apologize. Make it clear to him that it wouldn’t matter if it was ED and not the runs. Tell him it is normal and that you don’t care, you love him just the same. Tell him you want to be there for him no matter what his age or function. I was patient and understanding with mine, and it really made him open up to me and drew us very close. It proved to him that I loved him for him and not what he could do for me.

Mine now takes Viagra. It was very difficult for him to ask the doctor, he was very scared that he would get poked and prodded. But nothing of the kind happened. He had his usual check-up, then asked the doctor about it. The doctor explained how it is completely normal and without any further hassle gave him free samples and a prescription. And I am very glad I was patient because - wow!


Tripping out, over analyzing, anxious, overwhemed… that is my definition.:slight_smile:

chrisk72 - I think I love you!! OK, not really…but you have the healthiest attitude I’ve seen in quite a while, outside of my fiancee. Who, I might add, is 19 years younger than I am. I have run into the same problems…thank the Powers That Be for Cialis and a woman who loves ME, not just my equipment.

Isn’t Viagra wonderful? :wink:

Thank you, silenus! I am tempted to make that my sig line (well, up to the OK, not really part.) :slight_smile:

Viagra is just amazing!