I’ll jump in and second that since it’s my house, too. We have a nice guest room and two playful puppies to help you unwind a bit. Just e-mail 'breather if you need anything. A friend of his is a friend of mine. Hope you don’t mind a hug from a stranger. 
It depends a lot on what sort of sexual incompatibility you’re talking about. If you’re talking about disagreements over preferred positions, it’s generally not such a problem, no. If you’re talking about her being a lesbian and him being a man, yeah, that’s a big honkin’ problem. If you’re talking about such widely divergent sexual preferences that one or both of them is unable to become aroused, that’s also a big honkin’ problem. When a woman isn’t aroused, intercourse can be physically painful. When a man isn’t aroused, intercourse can be pretty much impossible. Either way, your sex life’s pretty much gone, and that can be a huge, unrelenting stress on a relationship.
Since this problem is apparently coloring the way Ogre and the Ogress see each other sexually, it’s probably pretty serious, affecting both quality and frequency of sex. It’s enough of an issue that it seems to be spilling over into other aspects of their lives, which sexual tension is awfully good at, to the point where at least one of them considers the relationship to be unhealthy. So they’re looking at the only responsible options you have in an unhealthy relationship–getting help, or getting out.
**Ogre/b], honey, I’m sorry. This has got to suck a lot more than you can put into words.
I’m so very sorry. I know from experience that when you’ve been with someone for years, it becomes so hard to see your life without that other person. I’ll be sending wishes for healing - if not of your relationship troubles, then of your heart.
Ogre, I’m sorry. 
If it helps at all, I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I was in a relationship for 5 years when we realised it wasn’t going to work out in the long time.
We’ve both moved on. I’m in a relationship with the most wonderful man, and he got married a month ago to a beautiful woman. But he remains one of my closest and most valued friends.
I know that wont do anything for the pain you’re going through at the moment, but I hope for you, as in my case, that it does work out for the best in the end, even if it might not seem that way right now.
Take care of yourself.
I’m so sorry to hear that, Ogre. My only advice would be to not force things to happen and to keep the good memories in your head.
((((((Ogre))))))
my ex and i had this problem.
don’t let “ex” scare you.
we were best friends and if the bedroom was the only place we were incompatible, our plan of an open sexual relationship with emotional momogomy would have worked.
turned out, we were incompatible in livingrooms, dens, foyers… :smack:
Man, just what you wrote brought all my feelings from this time last year flooding back. I almost started crying, and I haven’t done that since… this time last year. Hang in there. You’re probably viewing the world around you with new clarity, seeing the things that are important and relevant in relief against the things that aren’t. Shitty as it is, long term I think it’s a cleansing state of mind. Like how the rain is a bummer but can knock some of the smog out of the air. And it won’t rain forever. Sorry Ogre. I wish you peace soon.
Sorry you’re having a tough time, Man. Try to hang tough.
Thank you all very, very much. It’s nice to know there are kind people out there rooting for us. Please pardon my episode of self-pity in starting this thread in the first place.
All of you are much kinder than I deserve.
In particular, mouthbreather and gooti, I sincerely appreciate the offer to visit, and I think you know that there’s nobody on the board I’d love to meet more. mouthbreather and I seem to be uncannily alike in terms of music and other things, and I’d love to meet you both. I hope you understand, however, that I’d like to do it when I’m not an emotional cripple and an intolerable strain on any social occasion. You guys are like good friends I haven’t even met yet.
The Dope is a special place, and I’m grateful to all of you. Thank you so much.
Ogre, I feel for you, I really do.
If the relationship is really important to you both, contemplate the possibility of living (gasp) without sex. Yeah, it sucks, but that’s why humans invented Rosie Palm and her five daughters.
It’s not for everyone, but sometimes the relationship is more important.
Ogre… if you need to talk, please don’t hesitate…
The Lad from Luverne and I broke up for the same reason, actually- well, the same General Subject Heading reason.
Of course in interest of full disclosure I must admit that while I feel for you, and I really really do because you are who I would clone if I ever wanted a son, I can think of at least two wonderful women that I would love to say “Allez! Allez! Allez!” to as soon as your mourning period is over.
Ogre,
I got divorced two years ago and it felt like my chest had been ripped open and my heart was in a constant state of falling. It does get better, I promise.
Bedroom problems are the worst because there’s all kinds of self esteem and pride and ego mixed in with all those love feelings too.
If I weren’t so full of baby right now I’d take you out for a beer or 12.
Hang in there.
Rez
Typically, it’s a minor consideration for one partner–and an unbearable aggrevation for the other. So yeah, the answer is, yes, it really is.
Ogre: Trite as it sounds, the pain is part of the healing.
Ogre, there’s nothing I can do for you right now (or believe me, I would), but please know that my thoughts are with you.
I don’t have much to say, but you have my support, Ogre.
Oh, Ogre.
I am so, so sorry that you have to go through this. And – this may sound weird coming from someone fairly new to the board who hasn’t really interacted with you, but hopefully you’ll get what I mean – I admire both you and the Ogress for facing such an unpleasant, unwanted, painful truth. You are being grownups, even though in situations like this being a grownup just sucks.
My heart joins all the others here that are going out to you. Be sure to give the counseling a fighting chance, ok? But whatever the outcome, I wish you luck, and hope that you will be able to remain in each other’s lives (if that’s what you both want).
Oh, and self-pity, schmelf-pity…as others have said, this is why we’re here. And don’t underestimate the value of writing bad poetry. 