The Ogress and I are probably breaking up. After five beautiful years, we’re calling it quits. I’m tearing my hair out right now. This is as horrible as I remember it being, except that I’d never been with someone this long before and I’d never loved someone this much.
We get so much from each other. We live together. We have pets in common. We hug, and kiss, and laugh, and tickle. We’re best friends.
But we have no sexual chemistry. There is a specific reason for that, but I won’t go into it here. Suffice to say that this reason has affected how we see each other sexually and let it go at that.
Essentially, she met me at the door today and said that if we can’t work it out, we should probably not stay together, since it would be a fundamentally unhealthy relationship, and it would be tough to build a future and plan for children, etc. if we just fizzled when it comes to the bedroom.
I have to agree, although it is physically painful for me to type those words.
We have agreed to try counseling, but frankly, it’s hard to get my hopes up, since we’re both utterly aware of what the problems are. We just may be completely, physically unable to fix them.
God, this hurts so much just thinking about it. My little Porkchop kitty won’t have her around to lick after a shower. We have to split all our stuff up. We have to move. We have to split the several accounts we have together. I’m never going to be able to make her apple pancakes on a Saturday morning again.
Jesus God. I’m no moon-eyed adolescent. I’m not contemplating wearing The Black and writing bad poetry, or playing Russian Roulette in the depths of my Despair.
But God, it hurts. It hurts so fucking bad. I haven’t cried in years, and now I can’t stop.