My marriage is over, and I'm not even really married. (sad and probably TMI)

The Ogress and I are probably breaking up. After five beautiful years, we’re calling it quits. I’m tearing my hair out right now. This is as horrible as I remember it being, except that I’d never been with someone this long before and I’d never loved someone this much.

We get so much from each other. We live together. We have pets in common. We hug, and kiss, and laugh, and tickle. We’re best friends.

But we have no sexual chemistry. There is a specific reason for that, but I won’t go into it here. Suffice to say that this reason has affected how we see each other sexually and let it go at that.

Essentially, she met me at the door today and said that if we can’t work it out, we should probably not stay together, since it would be a fundamentally unhealthy relationship, and it would be tough to build a future and plan for children, etc. if we just fizzled when it comes to the bedroom.

I have to agree, although it is physically painful for me to type those words.

We have agreed to try counseling, but frankly, it’s hard to get my hopes up, since we’re both utterly aware of what the problems are. We just may be completely, physically unable to fix them.

God, this hurts so much just thinking about it. My little Porkchop kitty won’t have her around to lick after a shower. We have to split all our stuff up. We have to move. We have to split the several accounts we have together. I’m never going to be able to make her apple pancakes on a Saturday morning again.

Jesus God. I’m no moon-eyed adolescent. I’m not contemplating wearing The Black and writing bad poetry, or playing Russian Roulette in the depths of my Despair.

But God, it hurts. It hurts so fucking bad. I haven’t cried in years, and now I can’t stop.

I am sorry for you both.

Oh **Ogre ** I am so very very sorry. I hope the counseling helps. But even if it doesn’t, I hope it will help you through this. Y’all are in my thoughts and prayers.

The most I’ve broken up after was 2 years but let me tell you, it was beast. It felt like a divorce. I hope you can move on quickly and find someone you are more compatible with. Feel free to pour your feelings out here; I did it, and it’s a little bit embarassing now because it’s been years, but it helped enough at the time that it was worth it.

Best wishes.

Ogre, we’re with you. Hang on. :frowning:

I broke up with my love after 9 years. And it still hurts worse than death.

I’m sorry.

(((((((Ogre)))))))))

Oh, what I should have said was: it’s been two years since we broke up (9-year relationship) and it still hurts like hell. :frowning:

I’m so sorry for you, Ogre. :frowning:

That sucks, man. Best wishes.

Sincerely, good luck to you both, whatever y’all decide. It’s best not to expect miracles from counselling, but you never know. What seems crystal clear to the both of you might seem different once you hear an outsider’s take on it.

Don’t worry about the TMI or writing too much about how you’re feeling on here. That’s one of the reasons this forum is here – to get out how you’re feeling and get whatever support people can give. Five years is a lot, and this is really tough. Ironically it can feel even worse when it’s a fairly amicable split, because you miss the intimacy and don’t have the anger to take its place. But while those relationships are rare, they’re not completely unique. And maybe if worse comes to worst you can still keep her in your life so that it won’t feel as if you’ve lost both your wife/girlfriend AND your best friend.

Again, sorry for you and good luck.

I am perpetually single. I ain’t got nothin. So I am probably talking from great ignorance here, but… if you love each other so much, is sexual incompatability really that much of a problem?

What am I missing here - is it that you aren’t fulfilled enough from the sex and feel you each should be free to seek that elsewhere, which would mean an end to the relationship for that reason? Or is it just an unsuccesful part of an overwhelmingly great companionship otherwise?

I’m sure there’s a lot more to this than you are saying, so please ignore my bewilderedness at will.

I’m sorry - that basically sucks in a huge way. I’d say I hope that things get fixed up, but that’s not entirely true - I hope you both find a way to be happy.
{{{Ogre}}}

Best wishes and all of the empathy I can muster dude. That shit just hurts.

Sorry to hear that… sounds pretty bad. :frowning:

Ogre, my heart goes out to you. My most recent only lasted a year, but now that it’s been over for 2 months, I still don’t know if I’ll be able to face the next hour without bawling my head off. It very, very s-l-o-w-l-y gets better and the best you can do is go one step at a time, keep breathing and living through another day. I’m assuming that what seems like death today, will somehow (someway down the road) become more tolerable down the road. I keep praying that’ll be the case for myself. Now, you’ll be in my thoughts as well.

Here’s wishing the best to both of you.

Five years is a long time, and it’s amazing what can be fixed in a relationship if you both want it enough. Whatever happens though, I wish you the very best of luck, and please DO talk about it, either here or wherever. I know from experience how keeping it all to yourself does no good at all.

Definitely go the counseling route, and give it at least two (three?) attempts with different counselors/therapists if the first one doesn’t seem to take you anywhere. Sometimes all it takes is hearing someone say something for 30 seconds, and your reality can change. To quote our funny president, sometimes relationship therapy can be really “hard work”. Good luck.

I know you must be going through hell. That’s just awful.

Please do give the counseling every chance to work. booka is right – it make take more that one or two counselors to find the right one. If you can work through this, your entire relationship will be stronger for having endured such a difficult time. Look for alternatives.

And remember, she hasn’t tried to face the reality of living without someone that she obviously loves.

I’m sorry. Break-ups suck. :frowning:

yipes, sorry to hear it.

If you want to get away for a night/weekend hop in das auto and c’mon over.

I’ll lay out some Morrissey CDs and my “do bad poetry in 5 easy steps” kit. :wink:
Seriously mang, I’m sorry to hear it. Breakups effin blow. :frowning: And I am serious about my offer…feel free to email me and come out if you want to get away.