I’m so very, very sorry. There’s nothing I can say to make it better, but know you’re in my thoughts.
Aye, brondicon said it pretty well…
Sorry to hear it, mate. All our best, to you and yours.
From my experience, you’ll let it out when you have time to do so. Right now you’ve got ‘too much to do’ to really unload, but I think ye will. And eventually, you’ll be alright with it, and with yerself.
You have my sympathies, Bill.
Having lost my father just 8 months ago, I feel that I can very much imagine what you are going through. The grieving process is a complex one which, as several others have said, will unfold at its own rate. The best advice I can give you at this time is to take care of yourself first as best you can; most especially try to be sure your eating and sleeping stay on something close to a normal schedule. If it helps to think about it in terms of helping everyone else get through this time, think about it like this: You’re no good to them if you’re not taking care of yourself.
My condolences, Xploder.
As others have already said, your grief will likely hit you when things have slowed a bit and you’re less in shock. As for suggestions on how to deal, that’s a pretty personal act. I know that when I lost one of my best friends at age 14 the thing that helped me most was writing him a letter. I just sat down, put pen to paper, and tried my very best to tell him everything I was thinking about his death, and how much I’d loved him, and how I’d miss him. That got the waterworks going full force, but it also felt almost cleansing, you know? Kind of like an emotional enema. Plus, now I still have that letter and can look over it every once in a while to remind myself of what a great person I once had the honor of loving.
Peace to you and your family.
bella
i am so sorry. may her memory be eternal.
Very sorry to hear about it. I know that my mother–who I have already said on the SDMB, was an exceptional woman–died in 1996.
I know what helped for me was symbolic things that said she was with us still, and yet still gave a sense of closure. We still put her Christmas stocking up. We visit her grave often. I’m a Catholic. And I know it may sound a little strange, but some Catholics leave a small table out on the eve of All Souls’ Day. Rosaries and any item the deceased would have loved or loved to see are put there. Supposedly this helps them on their long journey. I once heard of a woman who had a small picnic on her husband’s grave. She buried a small piece of food there for her husband.
HTH 
My deepest condolences to you and your family, I hope you’re all doing as good as can be expected. My grandma died a few years back, then 2 boys in my 8th grade class died 2 years ago. So I’ve had to deal with some deaths. Usually what helped me get through those was writing or playing piano. I wrote in my journal a lot, that helped to get grief out. And when I didn’t want to think about it I played piano for hours on end, or sang. It will be hard to get through, and there’s no easy way to get through it, but you will in time, just know that.
XPloder, I am very sorry for your loss.
I don’t know if this will help or not but here it is. When my Grandmother on my Dads side passed on my Dad lost it. This was very strange because my Dad is usually the most controled, on top of it man you would ever meet.It was the first and only time I have seen my Dad lose it, which was understandable with the situation. At the same time I ended up being responsible for taking care of most of the arraingments. After two days I was a wreck but I had to keep things together. At that point I disappeared into my Grandma’s house, grabbed a picture of her and sat in her room and told the picture how much I missed her. I lost it and cried for a long time. It helped alot. I am not religous in anyway but just getting to the heart of my grief and letting it out was a good thing.
I feel for your loss and wish you well my friend.
Slee
My sincerest condolences, Bill.
My thoughts, prayers and best wishes are with her, you, and your family.
I am so VERY sorry, Xploder. I lost my mom five years ago, and I don’t think you really ever “get over it.”
For me, as I look back, it helped that I had so many things I HAD to do. I have a job with a lot of responsibliity, so I HAD to function at work. My father was lost without his soulmate, and I HAD to do whatever I had to do to make sure he felt loved and secure…he still feels alone, but I HAD to make sure that he managed. I just kept telling myself that as long as I was “putting one foot in front of the other” and knew I was moving in the right direction I was doing what I needed to do. Eventually I got to a place where everything I HAD to do was “under control” (sort of) and to my surprise, I realized that I was doing better too. I never EVER allowed anyone to tell me how to grieve…I grieved plenty along the way, and I STILL grieve. But…it helped , I think, that I knew I was doing what my mom wanted me to do…taking care of the person she loved most in this world and moving forward.
This may not be what YOU need to do, just telling you what helped for me. Bottom line…you are a good and loving man, and you will know what you need to do for YOU…and for your loved ones. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should deal with this. Do whatever you need to do for YOU.
Do what you need to do, but never lose sight of your own grief. It is real, and it is unique. No one had the exact relationship with your mom that you did, so no one will experience the pain in the same way that YOU will. I am holding you and your family in my heart…I feel your pain and if there is ever ANYTHING I can do, please PLEASE let me know. I am here for you.
I know you don’t want prayers, hon…but I believe in them so I am sending them anyway. For you and your family.
Much Love,
Cheri
Sorry for your loss. My condolences to you.
So sorry for your loss; you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
You’ve already gotten some good responses about the grieving process and all I can do is to echo them–it will come in time. When it feels right, talk to others (friends and family) about your memories, because she’ll continue to live on in them.
Xploder, I lost my father in February. I express my deepest sympathy.
You will miss her, you may see her out of the corner of your eyes at the strangest times and hear her voice in your mind at such times as she might have commented. You will miss her but she will not truly be gone so long as you remember.
I had a very hard time expressing my grief over my father’s death - we were all in shock. Don’t let anyone make you feel that your way of grieving is unnatural, or not fast enough, or that you’re not upset enough. You’ll move through it at your own pace.
I’m sorry for your troubles.
{{{BIGGOLE HUG}}}
Yaway’s blessings to you and yours in your time of need. my thoughts are with you bill.
Xploder, I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. My suggestion is to take Scotticher’s advice. Her post is the best advice on grieving I have ever seen.
Again, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
I’m so sorry Xploder. Take care of yourself & your family.
I watched my boyfriend (future husband) deal with the impending death of his mother after a 2 year bout with cancer. He called me one day and said “She’s dead. The funeral home is coming over.” He was all alone with her body so I drove over to comfort him.
Turns out that he didn’t need comforting - he didn’t shed a tear. Another brother said he’d be over… after work. Another brother brought over a cooler and they played Euchre all night. I thought they were the most calloused bunch of people I had ever met!
But now that I have time and perspective, I know that their reaction was normal. See, they knew for 2 years that it was coming. That’s the pain, and the beauty, of cancer. When she died, they had already worked through a lot of the the denial, the anger, and the sadness that accompanies grief. They had time to say their “I love you’s” and their goodbyes. All that was left was acceptance twinged with sadness.
Bill, you say you don’t know how to let your feelings out. May I suggest that you’ve been letting them out for a year now – ever since you found out that your mom had cancer. Your reaction is perfectly normal and perfectly healthy. You’ve just been grieving in trickles instead of waves.
(Raising my glass) To your mom.
Rather than try to answer everyone separately, please accept my most heartfelt thanks for all the great responses. Since Mom left her body to science, specifically, UofM, there will be no funeral but we are going to have a memorial service.
The more I re-read the responses to my OP, the more I realize the fact that all of you Dopers out there are first class, first rate people. Especially given the fact that I’ve never interacted with the vast majority of you.
Again, thanks and with all the great suggestions, I know that I’ll get through this a lot easier than I had anticipated.
Bill
Please accept my condolences; and I understand your feelings of relief (there truly is no better word) that her suffering has ended. That’s the way it was with my Dad. That relief in no way diminishes your grief.
Here’s another vote for the idea that you shouldn’t worry about letting your feelings out right now. You have a million things to do now that must be done NOW. Once this is all behind you and life gets back to “normal” you’ll find yourself expressing your feelings appropriately and at times and in ways you never expected.
My best wishes to you and your family.