Surly Chick, I’m sorry. Such a sudden death, such a shock, makes grief even more violent. My condolences to you and your family.
Let me add my condolences to the ones here you have already received. I lost each of my parents way too early…
As for the question of your singing. There were a couple of good suggestions here by others. Try to sing early in the service, maybe as people are entering. You could start out alone in the room with your mom by yourself maybe… then it will feel like just you and her.
I also like the ideal of a recorded back-up if you could arrange to do that. My laptop has a built in microphone, for instance, and you could make a DVD to play.
If not, and you get choked up, just go with it. People will understand. You might also ask someone else–or the entire group–to join in with you if it’s a common song. It could be a very moving, memorable experience and turn out to bring a smile to your face. Even if tears are streaming down your cheeks.
It’s nice that you have a voice people would like to hear. I am always a “listener”. 
I’m sorry for your loss. 
My condolences.
My mother died very abruptly and completely unexpectedly at the age of 62, so I understand how devastating the sudden loss of a loved one is.
All I can say is that it hurts less with time, and that one does get to enjoy life again. But it takes a while. And at times one just has to sit there and feel the loss.
My deepest condolences.
As for the singing, sorry to say, been there, done that for my father’s funeral. The closest I came to breaking up during the song was when my concentration on the music drifted and returned to the situation. But I regained concentration and the song was fine. So just do your best to keep focused on the music. If you do break up, everyone will understand, as your mother would.
Sing for her.
Do well.
I, too, lost my mom when she was in her early 70’s. It’s very …different… when a daughter loses her mother. I can’t explain it but I do know that it’s been over 10 years and I still miss her terribly.
Godspeed to you and yours. You’re not alone. Take gentle care of yourself.
Go ahead and sing. No matter how you do, you’ll sound like an angel to your Dad.
That’s awful news, and I’m very sorry to hear it. Wishing you good luck and strength today…
Thank you, everyone, for your kind words and wishes. It does help, believe it or not.
It all seems so unreal still. I can’t believe she’s gone. It used to annoy the crap out of me when people would say at funerals “Oh, she looks so peaceful - just like she’s sleeping.” For the first time ever in my experience, it was true. She really did look just like she was sleeping, which made it even harder to accept. But then I touched her and she was so very cold, which made it somewhat more real. I still haven’t assimilated the whole thing as I’ve been busy with arrangements and supporting my dad, nephews and rest of the family. The last few days are just a blur.
I sang at the beginning of the funeral and it went ok. I must have looked like a complete idiot up there because the only way I could get through it was not to look at anyone or at mom. I know she wanted me to do it but I honestly don’t understand why - it just made people sob, especially my dad. Definitely not fun.
After the funeral luncheon, several of the people who used to hang out at my house when my brothers and I were growing up came over and we drank some beer and reminisced. I hadn’t seen them in years and it was nice to catch up. My mom would have enjoyed it. Now I have to help my dad go through her things - he’s not one to let that wait. My older brother left today to go back to CA and my younger brother isn’t up to going through her personal items. Not that I am either but I don’t have much choice. I’m worried about what’s going to happen when I leave to go back to work. My dad’s never been alone for the past 51 years. He belongs to a lodge so hopefully that will keep him somewhat occupied.
I just wanted to thank you all for your support - it means a lot during this horrid time.
Surly Chick, I’m so sorry for your loss. My mother was only 61 when she died.
I hope you don’t mind that I’ve said a prayer for her.
She wanted it, and you will always remember you did it.
I wish I could have done something like that for my parents.
You done good!
CP
I am so sorry. Be gentle with yourself. This is going to take time, and it may not be what you expect.
I feel for you and pray for you.
But may I say how lucky you are to have been at the funeral of your Mother. You got to pray for her and to sing for her at the last. That is a really great thing.
I was not so lucky. My Mother died when I was away at a University on the other side of the world.
I did not have the boon of either of those things. I can only wish.
Remember those precious moments when you sent her on to her glory.
My best wishes for peace to your family.
Thanks, norinew. I don’t mind at all - she was raised Catholic but lately had become active in a local Lutheran church (oh, the horror!). When they got married, my dad had an aunt that completely cut him off because he married a Catholic and he actually had to sign a document that said all the children of their union would be raised Catholic before the church would marry them. Not surprisingly, all three of us kids are non-practicing. The minister of their new church was just wonderful - he visited the house the day before to talk to us all and get anecdotes for his eulogy. He even managed to find a Catholic priest to lead a short Catholic prayer service at the wake. I remember when my Gram died, because she didn’t belong to the local diocese, she couldn’t be buried out of the Catholic church. We managed to find a priest who would come to the wake and say prayers but we had to pay him $500. :rolleyes:
It’s amazing how people come out the walls for wakes. There were people the family hadn’t seen in 20 years there. And a continuous guessing game of who they were: “I bet you don’t remember me, do you?” No, I don’t - just tell me your freaking name already!!! My godmother, who I haven’t seen since my First Communion, was even there - and admitted to being a bad Godmother which was amusing. It was nice to see how many lives she had touched though - some of the visitors had traveled for hours to attend.
Again, thanks everyone for your support - it means the world to me. You’re like an invisible family!
I’m very sorry for your loss, Surly Chick. I’m glad you sang at the funeral. In the future, you may find you’re grateful your mom gave you an opportunity to pay tribute to her and know you’d done something for her.