Too mild for pitting, so here goes:
My mom and brother have a dysfunctional relationship. My parents divorced when my brother was 7, and in spite of my dad cheating on my mom and being kind of a deadbeat to us my brother considered my dad the ‘cool parent’ and in his early teens moved with him 4 hours away from my mom and I. During all of this my mom tried to support my brother as best as she could.
As an adult, my brother has a beautiful daughter and wife, and continues to live in the same area as my dad. During all this time, my dad has done pretty much zilch to support or help my brother, while my mom has helped him in many ways. What drives me nuts, though, is that she is enabling him. :mad:
For instance, he’s a Veteran, and covered under TriCare. But he somehow couldn’t figure out how to get dental coverage so my mom just stepped in and had him covered under her insurance. Whenever he needed dental work, he would drive down here (there weren’t any dentists that were covered by my mom’s insurance near where my brother lived). He needed pretty extensive work; thousands of dollars worth even WITH insurance. But because he was ‘poor’ my mom paid for it, every cent. Now, in spite of the fact that my mom is the only reason he isn’t walking around with a set of wooden teeth, he continually picks fights with her, ignores her, blames her for everything, etc. As his older brother and also a son that actually really appreciates all the support my mom has given me, its really infuriating to see him treat my mom so poorly. Because he never bothers to visit on his own (unless he wants something from her) she tries to make the most out of the time he spends in town to get his teeth fixed by offering to take him out/hang out with him. But the whole time he’ll pick fights, antagonize her, complain that she’s not helping him, etc :rolleyes: This wouldn’t be too unusual for a young teen of divorced parents (I was no saint at 14 when my parents first divorced) but he’s in his mid twenties and still acting like this.
During Thanksgiving (my brother wasn’t there, spent it with my dad) my Mom mentioned a big vacation she wanted to take with us in 2015. She wanted to rent a vacation house in Hawaii for a week or two and have all of us go on vacation together. Both my wife and I were psyched and extremely grateful she would be willing to pay for the lodging for the trip. But when my mom was talking to me during Thanksgiving she was worried my brother and his wife wouldn’t be able to afford the airfare. She was thinking about just paying for their flight, because once again, they’re “poor” and she wouldn’t want them to miss out on the trip just because they couldn’t afford it.
This made me angry. I told my mom that my brother cries poverty to manipulate her into paying for stuff. Now that he has her first granddaughter, he has a very valueable barganing chip. I told her not to let him blackmail her with her grandaughter just to get out of paying airfare and food- the trip is 18 months away whicih should be plenty of time to save up the money if he wants to go badly enough. He’s not poor, he’s a moocher; they live out in the middle of nowhere and their rent is 10% of mine living the Bay Area. He sat on his ass on unemployment until it ran out, then used the GI bill to go to community college while continuing to get living expenses. His wife works full-time in an office.
I know I can’t change other people, I guess I’m more venting than anything. But its so frustrating seeing him take advantage of my Mom. If he was genuinely in need, I wouldn’t mind that she helped him in so many ways, but he simply sits on his hands until somebody pays stuff for him. If he finds my mom so insufferable, then he could pay to get his own damn teeth fixed/airfare/etc. :mad: