Risha, from your OP, it is clear that your mom has some variety of serious mental illness, and the fact that she has a close relative who is schizophrenic greatly increases my level of suspicion. This means that she cannot think clearly. This is not willful on her part, and she cannot help herself at this point.
You and your family are going to need lots of courage and resolve to help her, because she will probably not see the need for help. Educating yourself about mental illness can help. These sites can get you started:
“If it were true (and I’m far from convinced), how could I ever know and what could I do about it? No, I’m not being sarcastic, I really don’t know…”
it’s fine - I didn’t think you were being sarcastic so please don’t worry about that, ok?
At the moment, you are dealing with a massive amount of “what ifs” and “maybes” and no firm action can ever be taken as a result of those, you just end up more worried and more stressed and nothing gets resolved.
You need a plan of action and this is why it is imperative that your mother is checked out by a doctor. Once you (she) has a diagnosis, then you can start looking at the best care for her. Until that happens, everything else is going to be like chasing smoke.
How do you normally converse with Kevin? If you usually meet him, or e-mail or 'phone, then when you next speak to him tell him that you are increasingly worried about your mum - as no doubt he is - and see how he feels about her condition and about getting medical assistance? Try to keep it “light” as opposed to it developing into a row - it is a delicate situation afterall, but it really sounds like it can no longer be ignored either.
See how he takes the suggestion to have your mother assessed - and include her in the meeting too. If your mother is not receptive to the idea of going to the doctor, or if she flatly refuses to go, then perhaps your doctor would make a home visit instead?
Once you know what it is you are dealing with, then you can start to feel as if you are regaining control: don’t forget that at the moment, you are all largely dealing with this “on your own” - whereas once you get a correct diagnosis, I am assuming that your physician will be able to put you in touch with the relevant support groups, agencies and resources.
Risha, when Kevin works, does he have to stop in at the company’s office to get a list of his stops for the day? It’s possible you could call there, and ask that his dispatcher or whomever give him a message to call you ASAP. Explain that you’re a family member and it’s regarding a personal situation. Worth a try, I think. He’ll probably clue in that it’s something Mom shouldn’t be in earshot for, and time it accordingly.
One place to start would be talking to your own family doctor (or therapist or psychiatrist, if you have one) about your mom’s symptoms. He or she may be able to tell you how to proceed.
Does she still see a doctor about the blood clots or the diabetes? If so, perhaps you could make an appointment for her, go with her, and talk to that doctor about it.
Or, of course, there is always involuntary committal.
