I’m sorry for that stupid post I made in the bbq pit last time. I’m sorry that I said bad things about other people on the sdmb. I overreacted. Not to excuse it, but things have been difficult lately.
Anyway, my mother died a few minutes ago. She had bowel cancer, she was ill for the last couple of years. I was expecting it, but it is still horrible. There is nothing I can do now, the ambulance has taken her away. I don’t know what to do or say. She just worstened suddenly tonight and was gasping for air and now she is gone, so suddenly.
She and I had a rather strained relationship, we argued a lot. But now I am never going to talk to her again, she’s never going to walk in here and ask if there is any washing again. I’m never going to hear her voice again.
I can’t help but feel I should have done something more for her. I can’t help but feel I was a bad daughter. I never lost a parent before. I always knew this day would come, but it’s it sounds so lame but it’s so unfair. That sounds like such a stupid nothing word to say now.
Please, could those of you dopers who have religous faith please say some prayers for her now. I find it hard to believe in any relgion myself, and she certainly doesn’t…oh god didn’t. I don’t know why I am posting except to say that my boyfriend is coming around and until he gets here I am alone and I need to tell someone. Thankyou for listening.
I don’t understand what I can do now. I feel so empty.
Oh, Jackie. I’m sorry. I wish I could say or do something that would make the pain less. As it is, I can only offer to be here if you need an ear or a shoulder.
That could so easily be me talking there. My mother and I probably define the love-hate relationship and what you are now feeling is what I dread almost more than anything when the day comes that I lose her. So, I can empathize because it’s something I fear on a daily basis. You have my sincerest condolences for both your loss and your feelings.
But just know this, you weren’t a bad daughter and your mom knew that as well. You did as well as you could and you were there, which was the absolute most important part. The rest, which I’m sure you already know and will hear a lot of, is hang in there and go easy on yourself by giving much time to heal and deal with your multiple stages of grief. It friggin’ sucks because the only thing that helps, truly IMHO, is time and it’s way too slow. But you will be okay. Hang in there, even minute by minute if you have to, rely on your friends, sleep plenty, eat lots of comfort food and think about all the good stuff. Do whatever it takes to get you through to a better place. And remember, she loved you more than anything and she knew, that no matter what, you felt the exact same way about her. Of that, be certain.
Lastly, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I realize I’m just a stranger, but if you’d like to vent individually, please don’t hesitate to contact me via my email in my profile. God bless.
I am so sorry. I lost my dad suddenly last October - no warning at all - and it still hasn’t completely sunken in. Don’t beat yourself up and wallow in regrets. Remember the good times, take time to grieve, and know that a lot of us are thinking of you. I wish you peace.
i’m sorry, Infectious Lass. I lost my mother unexpectedly in the beginning of last year, so I have an idea of what you might be going through. It’s not your fault. I thought the same type of things, also. Try to get some rest and be well.
Jackie, you have my condolences on the passing of your mother. I’ll say a prayer for her (and my own father, who died of colon cancer 28 years ago).
And please do not think badly of yourself. Emotions run high at times like these. Waves of regret for things not said, or things we wish we never said wash over us with no good result other than to make us feel bad. Parents would hate to have their children feel that bad, even if the relationship was rocky.
I was 19 when my father died and one thing that helped was to remember the happy times we had before he became ill. Trips to the beach with him taking me out into the waves, holding onto his strong arms. Playing golf with him. The pride in his eyes when I took my first solo flight. I know my father would wish I think of those good times with him rather than the last two years of his life when he was ill and in pain. It is difficult, but it does get easier over the years.
You and your mother are in my thoughts and prayers, Infectious Lass. Please take care.
Lisa
I’m very sorry for your loss. I hope that you are able to let go of the self-judging (was I a good daughter? How could I have been better? etc) and just find some peace. You need time to fully grieve, not to beat yourself up.