With all due respect, although I certainly commiserate with the OP and, especially, his niece, I also don’t see what practical purpose this thread serves.
Besides the obvious advice given – which is basically to use common sense as opposed to inflamed emotions – what else is there left to be said? In fact I think any further details on this matter should not be divulged in public, both as a sign of respect towards the victim, and secondly, because if an investigation is either open or on its way, all parties involved should seek legal council and/or follow police procedure and act accordingly.
Doubt getting “advice” in the SDMB’s Pit would be high on the list of any attorney and/or authority involved in this case.
If your niece can name others involved in the rape, and we’re talking about a bunch of young men here with no experience in the criminal justice system, it’s very likely that a good interrogator can get one to confess, which will go a long way towards shoring up the case even without physical evidence.
She should report it. The honor of her family name will be in her role in saving some future young woman from being this guy’s next victim.
I’m curious, if someone can sue the SDMB because they stupidly followed some medical advice they read here and it went awry, can’t this dad sue the SDMB if he does indeed get punched by the OP?
Theoretically, of course, since the likelihood of him knowing about this thread is very low.
But yes, we don’t know anything except what the OP wrote (and heard him/herself). Maybe she said she was drugged to avoid admitting that she was drinking. Maybe she said she was raped to avoid admitting that she had sex (though how the father would have found out otherwise, short of a gynecologist’s exam, is anyone’s guess). Maybe she consented to sex with one guy and as raped by his friends (didn’t this happen to a footballer groupie in New Zealand or Australia? There was a thread about it recently, and people seemed pretty willing to accept that she was up for taking on the whole team).
Anyway, whatever doubts any Dopers express are nothing compared to what she’s going to get from family, friends and the police. Again, I am definitely not discouraging any rape or assault victims from going to the police – just trying to be realistic. Anyone who insists it’s her ‘duty’ to report her rape needs to take a long hard look at how she can expect her case (if there ends up being one) is treated.
I have to admit I did wonder about that re “be-smirching the family name” as the rationale for not reporting…* in 2009*? Be-smirched to who? In what fashion? She was assaulted against her will. That attitude wouldn’t have made any kind of sense 30 years ago and today it just sounds borderline insane. I would hazard to guess there’s a bit more to this story than the OP has been told by his niece or her father.
What if she (or her father) is a devout follower of some faith? Remember, it was only a couple of years ago when a pregnant woman was sentenced to be flogged, and then had the sentence increased because she and/or her lawyer let the whole world know that SHE was the one who was being punished for being gang-raped. Granted, this was in a Muslim country, but we don’t know where this niece lives, nor do we know what religion her father is, and to what degree. Of course, he could just be a non-religious jerk who thinks that his daughter is a slut.
I’m sorry to say that there are plenty of people who think that rape victims were asking for it, somehow, even in 2009, even in the US. Yes, the whole world should have evolved beyond that thinking by now, but it’s not so.
Much as I’m sure it grieves both yourself and your niece accusations of rape need to be tested in a court of law. Remember, if you don’t go to the police and proceed to make this guy’s life a living hell anyway, then in the eyes of the law you are harassing an innocent man.
That’s not a position you want to be in.
I can’t imagine how unpleasant it must be for a woman to have to relive her rape and face her assailant in court but ultimately it has to be done. You just can’t brand someone a rapist and proceed to execute your idea of justice on them. Or rather you can, but that’s vigilantism, and while it can often work it can also go terribly, terribly wrong.
You need to go to the cops and start the process that will get this scumbag convicted.
i am so sorry you have this report. my thoughts will be for you and your family. i cannot even start to imagine what you and your family are going through right now.
if you treasure what the other posters have been saying to you, stay rational. you really don’t need to be adding to the problem.
Even in France, many Muslim women get their virginity tested before marriage (and I believe some Muslim French guy was successfully awarded a divorce or annulment because his wife was found, after examination, to be a non-virgin before marriage)
So, if the dad is of this sort of faith or this type of thinking, doesn’t it make it more likely that the girl might make up the rape charge, if the virginity test shows her to no longer be a virgin, and she is worried about angering her dad and “besmirching” the family with her lost virginity?
From what I’ve heard, the idea that rapists get a really hard time in prison is largely a myth. If the rapist is some wimpy little guy and he raped a 14 year old, yeah he’ll get it. But if the rapist is a true dangerous scumbag and he participated in a gang rape (which is, in many criminal circles, considered to be a great activity) then, guess what he’ll do in prison: rape more people. And when he gets out of prison, guess what he’ll do: rape more people.
Well, considering I spent a few years fruitlessly trying to suppress statements made to police by similarly-situated young men, I kinda had the inside track on the solution…
Civil law is not my forté, but I’d imagine that the potential liability between following medical advice which the average person might find reasonable, and punching someone for not wanting a rape reported, which the average person would realize immediately was illegal, is substantial. In other words, although anyone can be sued for anything, I would expect the exposure on this to be low.
This is not intended to serve as a legal opinion or legal advice, of course, to anyone. Consult a lawyer licensed in your jurisdiction to accurately evaluate any potential legal liability you, the reader, are facing or considering facing.
My best friend was raped a few years back. Though there was but one assailant, her rape was a great deal more violent than the one the OP alludes to; she was beaten badly in her own home, terrorized, forced to submit under threat of having her her young niece assaulted as well; and after the assaults the rapist kidnapped her and cleaned out her bank account, and she had to jump out of her car to escape, spending several days in the hospital.
Her mother and father, both in their 70s, wanted her to hush it up to protect the family name, as did on of her sisters, who was in her 40s.
It won’t surprise you to hear that my friend comes to the Rhymer Christmas celebrations.
No, she didn’t keep it quiet (although telling me did not violate the “keep it in the family” position of her parents, in their view). The guy’s in prison, thankfully, though currently in the midst of a bullshit appeal.
As a rape survivor, for me the turning point was when I stopped referring to myself as a victim and started defining myself as a survivor. Rape is a horrible crime - but for me, it was helpful to frame it in terms of “past” - to minimize its effect on my psyche (or rather, to not let it BE part of my psyche). Violated…no, that’s too personal a word for what was done to me. He couldn’t violate me because the wall between my body and my soul is stronger than that.
And this change came in part because of someone external to me framing it this way.
But each person heals differently. I would, talking to another rape survivor, always frame my language as positively as I could. What does not kill us makes us stronger and all that.
I want to thank everyone for their thoughts and constructive ideas, and yes, even criticism–when it was constructive. You others know who you are.
Things aren’t going well here. I have tried to convince my sister (who is the only one I have been able to speak with about this) to get my niece to go to the authorities. I am now being fed a line of shit about how my niece “has to handle this her own way” and that I “need to respect her decision”–which is of course NOT her decision, but that of her parents. They’ve told her not to press charges and they’re going to hush the whole thing up and get her some “counseling.” My sister will not let me speak to my niece or ex-husband. She will not tell me the rapists’ names. “We have to put this behind us and get on with our lives.”
Of course, the rapists will be able to get on with theirs, too.
This is unfathomable to me. There was a time when people would stand up and fight for their children, to the death if necessary. Now it’s easier to pay a stranger to pretend to be their child’s friend and listen while she cries.
I have not seen my niece’s self-righteous douchebag father for many years–I don’t even know where he lives, and no one’s telling me–but I ever meet him in the flesh again, things will not go well for him.
I fucking hate this world sometimes.
If the situation changes, which is unlikely, I’ll let you all know. In the meantime, let’s close this thread, please.
