Or as they say in our country, “arsehole”.
I have OCD of the same type - I want to make sure that the car windows are rolled up so as to not let rain or whatnot into the car - and I say to the OP: Don’t enable your OCD flatmate.
Make him check the windows himself. Don’t enable him.
Does OP see the same therapist/doctor/whatever roommate does? Because I’m wondering if roommate’s thera/doc KNOWS about this window checking behavior and the hands bleeding stuff. I’m pretty sure roommate doesn’t talk to him about it. OP needs to be certain roommate’s shrink knows about it. And OP needs to start saying “No” more often to roommate. Maybe embellish the “no” with a “You’re right, it’ll only take YOU a minute to check it yourself.”
Just a WAG-could it be that the roommate has discussed it with his psychiatrist who told him to cut down on the checking but by having somebody else do it he feels he can report back to the psychiatrist that he is not doing it? Maybe he’s convinced himself that his OCD is under control since he is not the one doing the checking?
Yes me, the flatmate and my wife all see the same doctor (“GP”) every four weeks. (mainly to monitor our anti-psychotic clozapine/clopine/clozaril - it can be dangerous)
Well I know the flatmate doesn’t want the doctor to know that his wife is pregnant for some reason. I also think he doesn’t talk about his OCD.
I see the doctor in 4 days time so I think I’ll talk to him about it then. I want to ask the doctor what to do if my flatmate starts to get in a big argument with me when I start saying “no”.
BTW his wife wrote a 3-4 page letter about my flatmate’s problems in order to get a government payment to be his carer. Some of it said that he bleeds from using too much toilet paper (he goes through at least a dozen rolls a week and I’m the one who buys them - but his wife often is the one who cooks the dinners and so it kind of evens out). I think the doctor might not have read her letter.
He sort of is checking though. He is watching me the whole time to see that my finger is hitting a hard surface. If I start too soon he says to wait because he has to be watching me.
New stuff:
The three of us were getting some roast pork ready. He said to check the temperature of the oven. My wife started to do it and he said he wanted me to do it. (checking the temperature of the oven is ALSO another thing he often gets me to check…)
He wanted a cup to put some water in (for the roast) and my wife got a black one. He said “not a black one!” (he’s superstitious about black and red things - something do to with his Christian faith) She got annoyed then they had an argument…
Often when he requests me to do something he says “I know I’m just being paranoid but…”
In case I missed it, how does this roommate get you to give in, OP? Ask again and again until you say yes? Yell and scream? Threats? I know lots of people give in to this kind of thing just to get a moment’s peace, but I would’ve thought the regularity of it would’ve made SOMETHING give.
Well he tells me to come downstairs. I say “what?” and he says “come here!”. “Just come here!” He can be pretty scary. Sometimes he can get loud. I’ve got to live with him so I want to get along with him. Anyway when I talk to the GP about it I can ask him about the potential arguments I’m worried about having.
And what the hell are the four of you doing living in supported accomodation together? Living with one spouse is stressful enough, especially with mental health issues…TWO couples under the one roof?
:dubious:
So if you say, “No, I know what you want, and you should do it yourself,” he does… what? How much worse is this reaction than what he’s ALREADY doing to make your life miserable NOW? Do you feel physically threatened by him? If so, that does make a huge difference.
He was just drying something with a tea towel and asked if it was dry enough. He said “I’m stupid” twice within a minute so that’s a good sign - he’s doubting himself.
JohnClay, I think it’s best if you tell your common G.P. all the stuff you think he’d want to know about your roommate’s behavior. And his pending fatherhood also.
In university I was in an 8 bedroom flat for a couple of years.
We have a large 4 bedroom two storey house. We mainly stay on our own floor. It is a regular flat, not supported accomodation. Before I was married my wife and her OCD brother lived together in a two bedroom house. Then me and the brother’s wife moved in but it was pretty crowded.
Before I moved in with her I was in a public housing unit with another guy. I was paying $150/week because I had a job near the end (originally was a student). I found out that if I got a public housing unit with my wife it would only be a one bedroom unit and I’d still be paying $150/week (she’d be paying something too). I wasn’t happy with that.
Anyway our new place was $400/week (now $450/week) so that’s $100/week each plus we all get rent assistance so we all pay even less than that…
The OCD brother and his wife usually do the fortnightly grocery shopping and she’d often make the dinner…
I like having other people in the house besides my wife because that means other things are going on - it’s less boring and life is more meaningful.
If the flatmate found out he wouldn’t trust me with his secrets and I like hearing people’s secrets… the main thing is for me to get advice about what to say to the flatmate. I don’t think it makes much difference whether the doctor knows about the baby or not.
The thing is though we need to cooperate every now and then such as do grocery shopping together or make dinner. It would be awkward if we didn’t get along very well. Anyway I’m going to ask the GP for advice (hopefully I’ll remember). He is intimidating sometimes when he is telling me not to do particular things but he hasn’t assaulted anyone for quite a few years.
And it’s not “awkward” now?
Or maybe it’s not — for him, since he gets his way. But for you, it bothers you enough to seek “medical advice,” and I can certainly imagine it’s not doing wonders for your quality of life. Does he even express any gratitude at all for what you do for him, or does he basically treat you like a hired servant in that regard?
It would be more awkward if he hated me (like how he recently started to feel about his uncle… or some of his ex-friends… or his mother in law)
I have a huge amount of free time (I only work 28 hours a week so that I still qualify for some of the disability support pension) and things like the windows don’t take much time and I don’t hate doing it… though I really dislike doing things like helping him mow the lawn… I’ve got to manage the extension cord for the electric mower.
Yes he does a lot and sometimes says I’m a good man.
Well the baby boy has been born. He’s healthy and was crying but has gone straight to intensive care (since he was born 6 weeks early and underweight). I’ve virtually never had babies in my life but in a few weeks there’ll be one downstairs in my house… in maybe 4 days the mother will be discharged from the hospital then she’ll stay at Ronald McDonald house while the baby is in hospital